Homie Lover Friend

vgames

Image: Dreamstime

 

Part Two of ‘The Company We Keep’ type of blogs focuses on the friendship between men and women (Part One was “Friendly Skies.” Check it out if you missed it last week.).

 

“He’s just my friend.” “We grew up together.” “She’s my ace boon coon.” Here’s the million dollar question: Can men and women be platonic friends or are they people we haven’t screwed yet (as Chris Rock stated in one of his shows)? Yes, men and women have the potential to be platonic friends, but there are some unspoken “rules” that should be easy to follow if you are truly platonic friends.

 

- Age is important. For instance, a man meets a woman at thirty and wants to be friends, versus a boy meeting a girl at age ten. Personally, I believe that the boy wants to be platonic friends, but the thirty-year-old man wants a friend with benefits. It’s rare to meet true friends later on in life, unless you run in the same circle or they are a coworker. But then the question would be are they a friend or an associate (*new topic for a future blog).

 

- He/She is facially challenged. It’s so much easier to keep a friend of the opposite sex if they are not attractive (physically or sexually). Along the same lines, there’s no attraction when you think of the person as a brother or a sister. Either situation leaves you and him/her platonic as hell!

 

- You can call or text any time you feel like it. Not. Platonic single friends can call whenever you feel like it. Someone breaks in and you can’t sleep, call your boy at 3am. Who cares. You need a plus one, call your girl a couple days before so they get themselves together. These things can’t go down when you’re in a relationship. Then it’s, why is so and so calling so damn late? Why are they always calling you to hang out? In order to keep it looking as innocent as it really is, you have to be respectable to yourself and your relationship. When in doubt ask, “If it were the other way around, how would I feel” question before you act (or react).

 

*Bonus question: Does your mate have the right to tell you to give up a friend just because they are the opposite sex? Even if they have no evidence of anything going on? Leave your answer in the comments section.

 

Friendly Skies

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Is there a such thing as being friends with your ex? Before you come up with an answer, I mean truly Just Friends. Not friends with benefits. Not cordial. I’m talking platonic friends. My answer is…Hell No! Let me explain why.

 

For starters, if you still have feelings for them, then that consequently takes you out of the platonic category. You can’t make objective decisions in regards to your “friend” when you used to date them and probably still wishing you could. In fact, you are also automatically cock blocking when ya’ll hang out. I bet you think that there’s nothing wrong with talking and laughing it up with your ex, but to an outsider, ya’ll look quite comfy and cozy. And very much together.

 

Another case in point, whatever you’re doing with your ex is holding you back from finding the person who was truly meant for you. If they’re an ex, then it wasn’t meant to be. There’s no need to keep holding on to them.

 

You may argue that you don’t have feelings, ya’ll still date other people, and nothing is going on behind closed doors, but I bet that one or both of you are holding on for different reasons. You might like that she’s comfortable and on the other hand, he’s waiting for ya’ll to hop back into bed. He might love your company in general, and you make sure that she’s not seeing anyone special. Whatever the case may be, it’s most likely not the best decision you’ve ever made.


Trust me about this. I’m speaking from experience. I had an ex that for 1). held on, and 2). I let him. I didn’t realize that I was blocking my blessings. Once I completely let go, I moved on and found a healthy relationship with the one I was meant to be with. See how this works out and falls into place?

Teach Me

teach  Relationships are hard work and take a lot of maintenance to retain. When dating, there are so many unspoken “rules” that you try to abide by. For instance, the first call comes from the man one to two days after he gets your number, no sex on the first date, the man should pay for everything all the time. But there is one thing that I know I don’t think about when dating someone- teaching him how to love me. My question would be: Is that my responsibility? When I hear, “teach me how to love you,” I think of putting someone through bootcamp, and that’s just a total turnoff. But with every situation, there are some positives and some negatives. Let’s start with the negatives and get them out the way.

When dating, there are some tactics that nobody should have to “teach” you called, “common courtesy.” Some examples include, call or text when you are going to be late, when you are left a message or miss a call- return it, give frequent updates if your plans are up in the air, etc. To me, these are not asking for too much and I shouldn’t have to tell you this. Everyone should come equipped with this type of knowledge. But… only in a perfect world, right?

So, what I mean about bootcamp is correcting your mate. Every time he/she does something that you don’t like, you holler at them and say, “No, I don’t like that, do this.” Now granted, you should say something if someone offends or bothers you, but it gets out of hand when your mate gets after you about every move you make. Let me give you an example. Say your man has a lot on his mind and accidentally leaves the toilet seat up. Should you a). Cuss him out; b). Whip out a laundry list of all the things he does that makes you sick including this; or c). Tell him why it bothers you. Obviously, the answer is C, but ladies be honest, don’t we gravitate towards B? B leads straight to bootcamp- where “No”, “I told you…”, “You don’t do it that way…”, and “You can’t do nothing right” come into play, and it is not a good look.

On the flip side, teaching someone how to love you definitely has its perks. For starters, it teaches your mate how to respect you and shows how you want to be treated. Say for instance fellas, your lady says something off the wall and hurtful in a conversation you two are having. Should you a). Smack her and put her in her place; b). Assertively tell her how it made you feel; or c). Get in her face and sling insults. The answer of course is B. Speaking up, while being respectful, is the way to go and lets your partner know what you do or do not like. You can’t assume that your man or your woman knows exactly what you like or what type of courtesy to extend. As I’m sure you already know, a healthy relationship is a full of love, respect, and communication.

So …you can teach someone how to love and respect you in a respectful way without becoming a tyrant. If you find yourself spewing out more negatives than positives towards or in regards to your partner, the lesson is over and you need to open up a new chapter without that person in your life.

 

The Greatest Love

couple  One of the most depressing things to hear, especially when you are single, is the divorce rate. You hate to hear when a couple breaks up, particularly when they were cute together or two good people. Celebrities, on the other hand, get married whenever they feel like it and divorce after one fight. Yes, that’s an exaggeration, but I bet not for some famous couples.

For this post, I would like to send a special little shot out to some famous couples that are doing the damn thang in private. I really hope that I don’t jinx them, but these people appear to be taking their vows as serious as they should. They keep their business to themselves and we don’t hear what they ate for dinner, who they felt up, what their child wears on the weekends, or what their favorite hang out spot is. Here are some great couples who are in it for the long haul and out of the tabloids.

+ Courtney Vance and Angela Bassett

+ Ice Cube and Kim Woodruff

+ LL Cool J and Simone Johnson

+ Boris Kodjoe and Nicole Ari Parker

+ Holly Robinson and Rodney Peete

+ Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson

+ Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick

+ Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas

+ Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck

+ Barack and Michelle Obama

+ Morris Chestnut and Pam Byse (He was so low-key with his, I didn’t even know that he was married. Apparently, they’ve been married since 1995.)

+ Tamela and David Mann

What married couple would you like to add to the list?

The Art of Compromise

talk  According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word compromise means:

                  a way of reaching agreement in which each person or group

                  gives up something that was wanted in order to end an

                 argument or dispute.

So in other words, you’re arguing about what you could possibly do instead of what you won’t do. Two partners mutually agree to something in order to keep the peace. Sounds easy, right? Not a chance, but it’s a part of being a mature adult.

The art of compromise means that there’s some sort of give and take. Not every argument should be same person “knuckling under” every time. As a matter of fact, each party does in a way. For instance, “Last time I agreed to do the dishes and you do the cooking, so this time I will cook and you do the dishes.” Create the most fair approach possible. You don’t want to end up in a relationship where you are the only giver. Those are annoying. I am a firm believer in a relationship (friendships too) being equal. It’s just hard to trust a ‘taker.’

Compromising means that you learn how to pick your battles. If you find yourself arguing all the time, maybe you need to rethink your relationship. No couple is going to be rosy all the time and you’re going to have disagreements from time to time, but it should be more of a happy medium. Should you start an argument every time your partner comes home and ignores you because they are working on a project? No. Instead, state your feelings and discuss them with your mate. Try to take the “You always” language out and replace it with, “I feel ___ because ___” and “I want ____ .”

EXAMPLE: It makes me angry when you come in the house and ignore me. I want you to come in and speak to me for five or ten minutes, work for an hour or two, then I would like to spend some time with you.

Am I an expert in the art of compromising? Nope. Just making my way through the best way I know how. What’s your take?

You Always…

creeping Yeah, you know how to finish this sentence- Once a cheat, always a cheat. But is there any validity to it?

Say for instance you are dating a guy that you don’t see a future with and you cheat. But then you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and you keep your legs closed. I guess the moral of this story is that people can change, especially due to the circumstances. Do I believe ‘people can change’ in every situation, hell no. I’m talking about the person who steps out of bounds once. If they admit their mistake and spend the rest of their days making it up to the person they’re with, it could possibly work out. The key is are they sorry for their actions or are they sorry they got caught. There’s a huge difference.

Am I defending cheaters? Absolutely not, but I’m merely playing devil’s advocate because I’ve been on both sides of the fence- the victim and the perpetrator. Have I cheated on every person I’ve been in a committed relationship with? Absolutely not. That’s what I mean by circumstances.

On the other hand, people are greedy and a lot of times, they don’t care about the person they’re with. These are the people who are serial cheaters. They do it because they don’t give a f*** and keep doing it no matter the consequences. The only time they are sorry is if they get caught. And do they get caught…always. May not be today, but it catches up eventually. These are the people that look out for their own needs and don’t see themselves stopping any time soon or for anybody.

Does cheating count when you have an open relationship? Does cheating count when you tell your partner that you will not be faithful to them?

My ultimate question to you is: If the shoe was on the other foot, would you believe the age old saying?

 

Creative Luv

v day  Trying to come up with some different things to do with your family on Valentine’s Day? Here are a few ideas that you can use with your family and some as a couple. Enjoy:)

Arts & Crafts

+ Homemade cards- A great way to say exactly how you feel.

+ Homemade gifts- Homemade gifts are sometimes the best. It shows that you put much effort and thought into what you’re making. For example, a  jewelry box- take a wooden box and decorate it with paint, glitter, rhinestones, etc.

+ Picture collage- Choose some of your favorite pictures of your family, friends, neighbors (or whoever you treasure) and make a collage- instagram doesn’t count!

Games

+ Bingo- Make your own bingo card or download one (I’m sure you don’t have to reinvent the wheel) that has Valentine’s Day items on there.

+ Hug tag- Tag with a twist. Play regular tag, using the same rules, except instead of tagging people, hug them. Or you can switch it up and kiss. Please don’t kiss people on the lips. You don’t know where everybody’s been. The cheek works wonders too.

+ Scavenger hunt- This requires much planning time, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it and fun too (if Peter Griffin can put one together, I’m SURE you can too)!

After Dark

+ Dice game- You know what I’m talking about. Roll those dice and see what you get to kiss, lick, massage, or whatever!

+ Massage- This is not the time to use lotion. Whip out those smell good oils and rub your partner down.

+ Use food- This is definitely the night to turn your partner into a sundae and eat it off of them;)

Other

+ Love letter/notes- Kind of like a card, but better. Leave your significant other a nice love note somewhere where they can find it that truly expresses the way you feel. If you’re really creative, stick a poem in that you wrote.

+ Kissing booth- Set up a place in the house where you can give out kisses for pennies, a cookie, or whatever “toll” you want to enforce.

+ Cook together- This is a great way to bond and plenty of time to communicate with your partner and/or children.

+ Candlelight dinner- Once you finish cooking, light some candles and enjoy each other’s company with no TV, no kids, and no distractions.