Do Tell

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  For starters, let me begin by defining a couple things.

Friend= People you can count on and share your deepest and darkest secrets with without judgment.

Associate= People who you are cool with, may hang out with, but don’t talk to on a regular basis.

Frenemy= People who pretend to be your friend and are quick to throw you under the bus.

In high school, I learned the hard way the differences between these three types of people and it wasn’t hard to see who fit into which category. To me, it was cut and dry. But, what happens when people cross these pretty well-defined lines? For instance, what if your mate’s friend hits on you? Would you tell?

Speaking from experience, I sang like a damn canary and would do it again. I don’t think there’s a type of person that I hate worse than a fake person. I think your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse has a right to know if their “friend” is making a pass at someone they’re with. They have a right to create distance and not trust their “friend.” They have a right to know what kind of person they have in their life. In my situation, I can’t remember how my boyfriend (at the time) handled it, but I figured that I would rather him hear it from me than the “friend” going back saying that I did something wrong. Did the “friend” get mad at me for spilling the tea? Probably, but did I give a damn? Not a chance.

What I learned from that situation is that I didn’t want to be around that person at all anymore, and being alone again with him was a negative. Most of the time, you learn who to trust in your friendships and relationships early. What we have to keep in mind is not to turn a blind eye to red signs. Whether you choose to tell your mate their so-called friend is foul, that’s your choice. But consider if it was on the other foot. Would you want to know?

Tha Mrs.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Many women dream about their perfect wedding. I want my dress to look like this. I want the ceremony to look like this. Some started planning when they were little. But how many planned for after the wedding? Here are a few mistakes women make when planning for their future.

One… some women plan for the wedding, not the marriage. The wedding is one day, but marriage is for life. Once people realize this, the better off and less shell-shocked they’ll be.

Two… taking the Mrs. status literally. What I mean is feeling like you’ve accomplished something because you got married. There’s a difference between loving your husband and loving the fact that you’re married. Women like this lose themselves. They begin to live like that status makes them, which is very sad.

Three… some equate the size of the ring for love. Don’t be fooled ladies. You can get a twenty-carat rock on your ring finger and that will not make you any more married than a person who gets a half carat.

Four… you still think that it’s all about you. Once you’ve said “I Do,” you have entered into a partnership that lasts forever. For example, big money decisions should always be discussed with your spouse, as well as almost every other topic that you can think of. You’re in eternal “we” mode. Get used to it.

Five… drop your sense of self. Yes, you become one, but all of your free time doesn’t have to be with your new partner. Am I suggesting that you continue to hit up the clubs? Uh, no. Some things should be left in the singles lifestyle. But what I am saying is that it is okay to have you own hobbies and activities outside of your marriage. For instance, no need to drop your occasional dinner dates with your girls or trips to the mall. Don’t put your friendships on hold, but balance out your time away.

Good luck!

If the World was Mine

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Could you have it all? Everything you ever wanted, all at the same time? Is it possible to have your dream job, a perfect marriage with mind blowing sex (and lots of love), the right amount of money to live comfortably (or the rich lifestyle, if that’s what you prefer), the perfect kids and house all at the same time?

The pessimist (or as I prefer to call it, realist) in me says no. For years, I was happy with my job, making a nice amount of money, and couldn’t find a decent man to date. It’s always everything BUT–something was always missing. Then there was another time, where I had a great relationship, no job and not much money, and situational depression. Was there ever a time in my life where I’ve had it all? Not a chance.

The optimist in my husband says yes, but with a twist. He believes that you can have all you want, all at the same time, but eventually what you want changes. For instance, say your goal is to buy a condo once you save up enough money and land that managerial position you’ve been patiently waiting on. Once you accomplish that goal, you formulate another goal or set of goals. You get everything you want until you want more or something different.

So what’s your take? Can you really have it all at the same time? Is it possible to be completely happy with who you are and what you have AND have all of what your heart desires all at one moment of time?

PSA

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Ladies and gentlemen: This is a public service announcement. Please listen closely.

 

First, if you are going slow in fast lane and someone behind you wants to pass, just get over. Not now, but right now. It doesn’t make you a weak man or woman. It’s simply the rules of the road.

Second, if you are doing fifty and below (or sixty-five and below in Michigan) in the slow lane, exit stage left. You don’t need to be on the highway. Get off now.

Third, if you cut a person off, you are inviting the person you disrespected a Ride-My-Ass free card. You gave them permission to do that, so get over yourself.

Fourth, if you are riding someone for no reason except for boundaries issues, then you have given that person the right to slow down to twenty-five and free reign to stop whenever they choose to.

Fifth, blinkers are our friends. It would be best for all parties on the road if these are used as often as possible.

Sixth, if there is a turn lane…it should be used. Turning left from the right lane is an accident waiting to happen– all day every day.

Seventh, it’s best for everyone on the road that you look before you change lanes. A thought turning into an immediate action is not always welcome.

Eighth, switching lanes at the same time the person behind you is, is downright annoying. It’s not a race. Stay in your lane and take turns, kay?

 

That is all.

Look At Me

binoculars Whether we care to admit or not, our dates, more often than not, display bad behavior early. Lying didn’t come out of the blue. Neither did his or her conniving ways. Now, what we choose to do with that bit of information is different. We either: a). encourage it by allowing it to happen without speaking up; b). correct it; or c). get ghost. For example, a girlfriend of mine a few years back told me that her date showed up at her house to pick her up and was late. What did she do? She opened the door and told him how disrespectful he was by showing up late, left him standing there, and went out with her girlfriends. So, here are some things that we either let slide, fix, or bust up.

 

- Tardiness

- Lying

- Always on the phone (talking and/or texting)

- Talking bad about your family and/or friends

- Verbally abusive or degrading

- Cheating

- Don’t listen

- Lack empathy

- Too busy

- Lack common sense or decency

 

I was always told that if you don’t like something that your boyfriend/girlfriend does while you’re dating, it’ll get ten times worse if you marry them. So think about your last date. What type of bad behavior did you or did you not put up with?

 

I’m On My Grown Man

grown  Does age really determine maturity? For instance, if a boy turns eighteen, is he automatically a man? What about twenty-one? What if you are fifty and you don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of… are you still grown?

Personally, I think the term is thrown around a little too carelessly. I don’t think age should determine your “grown man” status, I think it should be your maturity level and what you do with your life. Whether your priorities are straight or not. For example, if you put rims on your car and still live in your mother’s basement, you’re not grown. If you use grocery money to buy a pair of shoes or to get a mani-pedi, guess what?

So what exactly does being ‘grown’ mean? Paying your bills on time. Owning something (real estate/land, business). Taking care of your business (before pleasure). Taking care of your children (first). To me, if you turn eighteen or twenty-one, that doesn’t automatically make you grown. Yes, you are legal, but unless you are taking care of yourself financially and physically, you are not as grown as you think you are. Who cares how much money, cars, jewelry, or clothes you have. The question is, do you have enough to provide for yourself and child(ren)? Do you have enough for your mortgage or rent? How much do you have in your savings account? Do you report to work everyday on time (and actually work)?

Ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately we live in a society where standards are extremely low. Women, we rely on men to take care of us and when we come up short, accept any ol’ thing just to have a warm body laying next to us at night. We deserve better than that. Take care of yourselves and learn how to be independent. When a man worthy of your time comes around, then you may step aside and let him be a man.  Men, some of you have have lost your damn mind and want a woman to take care of you like your mama. You are supposed to protect and provide, like Steve Harvey says. Stand on your own two feet and stop allowing (or should I say ‘expecting’) women to provide for you. Man up and get your grown man on.

Light My Fire

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  What is romance? How important is it? Romance is the expression of love and one’s deepest desire to connect with another. I believe this to be a fifty-fifty split between actions and emotions. Sure we all know how romantic a bubble bath with rose petals floating in the water is, but the art of romance stems from a person’s inner being or feelings. You have to have the thought behind the action. For example, my Valentine’s blog (“How to Avoid Sleeping on the Couch Valentine’s Day Night”) offered some suggestions on gifts to give the special woman in your life. There’s a huge difference between coming in the house and saying, “Here” and throwing a box of chocolates in your direction, versus setting up a treasure hunt with love messages and a piece of chocolate at every stop. You get my drift.

Romance is extremely important and a vital way to keep a relationship alive. Without it is like a fish out of water; suffocating and a part of both of you dying slowly. It is spontaneous. It is special. It is a golden moment that you both can cherish and have that conversation years later saying, “Remember when we/you… “. Don’t forget, ladies and gentlemen, you did something to attract the attention of your mate and to keep them interested long enough to be in a committed, loving relationship, so why not keep that going? Why wait til Valentine’s Day to give your woman something special? Why wait til Father’s Day to let you man know that he’s a great father? We all know that relationships are hard work and require a lot of maintenance to keep it fresh, so why not brush up on your intimacy skills right now.

- Hold a conversation about your personal goals, hopes, aspirations, dreams, and future together as a couple.
– Draw a bath for your mate.
– Slow dance.
– Make out (Yeah, I said it. Kissing is very passionate and also just as important in a relationship. And I’m not talking about “grandma” pecks!).
– Touching.
– Feeding each other.
– Using candles.
– Dinner without the television.
– Cuddling.
– Hugs and holding each other.

Remember that what you put in to a relationship is the same as what you will get out of it, and that relationships are all about give and take. What are some of your ideas? How do you keep your relationship alive and kickin’?