Relationships are hard work and take a lot of maintenance to retain. When dating, there are so many unspoken “rules” that you try to abide by. For instance, the first call comes from the man one to two days after he gets your number, no sex on the first date, the man should pay for everything all the time. But there is one thing that I know I don’t think about when dating someone- teaching him how to love me. My question would be: Is that my responsibility? When I hear singers belt out, “Teach me how to love you”, I think of putting someone through bootcamp, and that’s just a total turnoff. But with every situation, there are some positives and some negatives. Let’s start with the negatives and get them out the way.
When dating, there are some tactics that nobody should have to “teach” you called, “common courtesy”. Some examples include, call or text when you are going to be late, when you are left a message or miss a call- return it, give frequent updates if your plans are up in the air, etc. To me, these are not asking for too much and I shouldn’t have to tell you this. Everyone should come equipped with this type of knowledge. But… only in a perfect world, right?
So, what I mean by ‘bootcamp’ is correcting your mate. Every time he/she does something that you don’t like, you holler at them and say, “No, I don’t like that, do this”. Now granted, you should say something if someone offends or bothers you, but it gets out of hand when your mate gets after you about every move you make. Let me give you an example. Say your man has a lot on his mind and accidently leaves the toilet seat up. Should you: a) Cuss him out; b) Whip out a laundry list of all the things he does that makes you sick including this; or c) Tell him why it bothers you. Obviously, the answer is C, but ladies be honest, don’t we gravitate towards B? B leads straight to bootcamp- where “No”, “I told you…”, “You don’t do it that way…”, and “You can’t do nothing right” come into play, and it’s not a good look.
On the flip side, teaching someone how to love you definitely has its perks. For starters, it teaches your mate how to respect you and shows how you want to be treated. Say for instance fellas, your lady says something off the wall and hurtful in a conversation you two are having. Should you: a) Smack her and put her in her place; b) Assertively tell her how it made you feel; or c) Get in her face and sling insults. The answer is B. Speaking up, while being respectful, is the way to go and lets your partner know what you do or do not like. You can’t assume that your man or your woman knows exactly what you like or what type of courtesy to extend. As I’m sure you already know, a healthy relationship is a full of love, respect, and communication.
So what did you learn today… you can teach someone how to love and respect you in a respectful way without becoming a tyrant. If you find yourself spewing out more negatives than positives towards or in regards to your partner, the lesson is over, open up a new chapter without that person in your life.