Archive | November 2011

Beauty vs. Social Butterfly: Which Would You Choose?

For starters, who in their right mind would actively look for someone who is visibly unattractive? On the other hand, who would try to score with someone who has a nasty attitude? What if I told you that you had to choose one or the other?

Nowadays, it’s tough finding a person that has it all- stability (check out my trilogy blogs on this topic;)), respect (self-respect and respect for others), a person who has all their teeth, knows Jesus, etc. A glowing personality and stunning looks should already be a shoe-in, right? Wrong! Finding a person like this is the equivalent to finding a needle in a haystack. It’s almost like you have to compromise; which qualities do you have to have and what can slide? But think about it. What would mean more to you- someone who is great looking but has a jacked up attitude, or someone who is not attractive but has a winning personality?

Let’s look at Seal and Heidi Klum for a minute. Who would’ve thought that Seal would’ve landed a supermodel as his wife? Pre or post accident, Seal is unattractive (don’t make that face, I’m just being honest), and I have to wonder if he’s got a great personality to make up for it, which in turn would make him very attractive. Same with Jay Z and Beyonce. Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas. Do I even need to get descriptive here? My point is, all three women apparently chose attitude and swag over facial attractiveness.

I truly believe that women in general are more apt to lean towards character vs. looks. Not to say that we ladies don’t drool over Denzel (for the older readers), Elba, Shemar, Larenz, LL, or Iverson. But if you’re ugly and got an attitude, you don’t stand a chance. On the other hand, if you have a nice smile and a personality to match, you’ll definitely get some play (I’m not gonna bet on every woman, but I’ll just say many). Cause there’s nothing like a man that can make you laugh, do things ‘just because’, or be reliable. And if that man is everything you wished for, but is not easy on the eyes, you may have to compromise (but it really depends on the rate of ugliness too).

On the flip side, I posed the same question to a couple of my male friends and they were totally unwilling to compromise. Wait, scratch that. If they don’t have to go out in public with them and can only sleep with them and that’s it, then an ugly chick can get some play too. Which leads me to believe that men are more vain than women…but that’s a whole ‘nother topic. But seriously, if you were single and had to choose between personality and looks, which would you choose and why? Hit me up.

So, what did you learn today… it’s all about what makes you happy. Can you deal with waking up to an ugly person in bed every morning even though (s)he is a sweetheart every waking moment? Or would you rather deal with a beauty queen/king that makes you hate them every waking moment?

Eight Effortless Ways to Express Your Love

Sometimes a simple “I Love You” just doesn’t do it for me anymore. What’s more meaningful would be to express it, or show it. With the recent sudden passing of Heavy D and other stars and loved ones who were taken away way too young or too soon, you begin to realize that tomorrow isn’t promised, and that shouldn’t be taken for granted. Show someone right now how much they mean to you without waiting for their birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, etc. Whether you are planning a romantic evening or even just a “Me” Day, here are some ways to shower someone with love, minus the expensive gifts. These would be categorized as…Just Because. Enjoy:)

* Scented Candles: “Turn off the lights and light a candle”. Teddy P said it best (except for when he was hollering). Candles can be soothing, romantic, and down right smell goods for any room.

* Love Notes: Writing an “I Love You” or “I Miss You” note may be corny or outdated to some, but it nonetheless is appreciative. It lets the person know that they are on your mind and that they are special. You took the time to tell them that. For those who are more into technology, a simple text is okay, but not the same in comparison to something hand written.

* Love Poem: If Mr. Big (from Sex and the City) managed to find the perfect poem for Carrie, I know you can too. If you can’t, then make one up; which would make it that much more unique and personal. Not everybody may be into poetry, but it is an artistic way to express your feelings. To add another special touch, you can frame it.

* Massage: Whether you use baby oil, massage oil, or even plain ole lotion, relaxing someone’s muscles is…relaxing. It shows that you’re interested in pleasing your mate and spending one-on-one time with them.

* Prepare a Full Course Meal: This is only for the people who don’t cook on the regular. Make your partner’s favorite dish (entrée and dessert), accompanied with the good China, candles, and evening dress. You shouldn’t have to wait for a special occasion to pull out the good stuff and dress up. Just this alone will make it a special occasion.

* Make Future Plans Together: Planning for your future and actually working towards your goals together is not only essential as a couple, but also very loving. In a committed relationship, such as in a marriage for example, there is no more of “I, Me, and My”. You make family decisions, and “I” transforms to a… drum roll please… a “We” thing.

* Date Night: Commit to one night out of the week for you and your sweetheart. I’m talking- no cell phones, cancellations, kids, TV, friends, video games, cousins- you get the picture. You went all out to get the person you’re with (I hope), so why not keep it up?

* Draw a Bath: Wouldn’t it be nice to come home from a hard day’s work to scented candles and rose petals leading to a hot bubble bath? This should not be one of those things you see only in the movies. Let’s get romantic!

So what did you learn today… Let your honey know everyday how blessed you are to have them in your life and vice versa- especially if they’re worth it. Don’t wait for a certain day to come to do something special. Keep a lil spice in your life and feel free to add yours to the list;)

Gangsta Lovin

Ever wonder why the good girls go for hoods and the good guys go for hoodrats? For those of us playing with a full deck, it’s kind of hard to understand why this happens. It’s not that the good girls enjoy getting abused (mentally, physically, and verbally), seeing our men go to jail, or out on the corner doing God knows what. And I’m sure it’s the same for the fellas. I’m quite positive gentlemen don’t like getting cussed out, their car keyed, or beat up by her ex-man Pookie. So then what is it?

Well, from a woman’s point of view, one possibility is an adrenaline rush. For example, have you ever gotten excited over your man putting someone in their place for disrespecting you? Or how about your man doing something outside of the norm to impress you? Sometimes different is good. You gush with excitement because it’s something you’ve never experienced or may not have expected. I mean, who would want to go to a boring dinner and a movie with a lawyer with no life outside of work, versus a club with a head-to-toe tatted Pookie who likes to be “Feeling on Your Boo-hoo-tie” (as R Kelly sang it) in public while he downs a pint of Hennessey with a splash of Coke?

For the guys, it could also be an adrenaline rush. But another idea is that fact that they’re either tired of the good girls being so good all the time, or they’re not meeting the right good girl and settle for a bad girl. A lot of times, the good guys come back over to the good side, but unfortunately, it’s usually after they’ve been screwed over. And then guess what…the good guy’s ruined for a while until he can find a right good girl who can save him. The one who lets him know that he’s worth saving.

So the real question is- Is it worth stepping over to the dark side? That’s a question that only you can answer. Weigh out the pros and cons. See what is so good about this bad guy/good girl or bad girl/good guy scenario, and what exactly makes them so bad? Naturally, if they bring more drama into your life than you want or they endanger yours or your family’s life, then they’ve gotta go. Flat out. There’s a reason for everything. If you feel that knot in your stomach or hear that little voice in your head screaming “No!”, you might want to stay within your pedigree. Relationships are hard enough without the stress of potential stalkers, anger management needing gangstas, and disrespectful hoods. Do what’s right for you. Do what matters based on what your heart says, not your mind or other parts of your anatomy.

So what did you learn today… bad boys and bad girls…may be just that.