Archive | April 2012

The Bermuda Triangle

  Some men and some women are equally crazy in regards to this topic, and this is something that has puzzled me for years. Now, this question is only for the mentally unstable. Umm… when your man or woman steps out on you (or you believe it to be true), why do you attack the other person? And by attack, yes I do mean physically, as well as verbally.

Yes, I understand why a person would be upset at both parties, but guess what? The third party is not the one who is committed to you! How about confronting the person you are in the relationship with and getting to the root of the issue of them cheating? Or even just dropping them?

The whole idea of confronting or attacking the third person, I believe, has to do moreso with ego, jealousy, and pride. “How dare you try to take my man away. You may have had him for the night, but he comes home to me.” Yeah, right after he’s finished.

Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve gotta be smart about this and mature. Although it may be comforting to put someone who needed it in their place, you’re going about it the wrong way if your sole mission is to hurt a person who has nothing to do with you. If you think your relationship is worth saving, you would go to the source. All this keying the other woman’s car, fights, threatening phone calls, etc. are for the birds. Grow up and handle your business as mature adults. Talk it out as a couple.

Thank you and good night.

The Hunt

   As little girls, women are programmed a certain way (intentionally or not) in Cinderella-mode. As children, we watch movie classics such as Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, etc. and are conditioned at a young age to believe that your prince is going to come (your one and only true love), on a white horse, and you are going to live happily ever after. Does this happen in real life? Uh…no. But that’s not the question. It’s much deeper than that. It is ingrained in women early that marriage is going to produce the ultimate completeness and happiness. So I will pose two questions for tonight. One, do you believe that marriage is the key to personal happiness and being “whole”? And two, do you believe that women try to find husbands more often than men try to find wives?

These two questions may appear to be from two different atmospheres, but let me connect the dots for you. As I previously stated, fairytales portray young women as looking for their husband as their main quest. Oftentimes, it’s viewed as the female’s ultimate goal; ‘Okay, I found my husband’…roll credits. I feel sorry for girls who grow into adults who maintain this mentality. There are many women lurking around in the world who search near and far for a husband to complete them, but rarely do I ever hear of a man doing anything remotely close to this. Does this exist?

My personal answer to the first question is no. Even though research shows that married women are overall happier than single women, does not mean that a ring caused that happiness. In order to be an equal partner and to have a decent relationship, you have to be complete first. You shouldn’t go into a relationship and half-ass it. You shouldn’t go into a relationship if you can’t give it your all. And, more importantly, you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you solely depend on another human being to make you happy. That’s just not healthy or realistic (plus a lot of unnecessary pressure on your partner).

In regards to the second question, I whole-heartedly believe that women look for marriage more than men. I don’t see guys stressing about being married by thirty or when they are exactly going to find “The One”. It’s women who worry about their biological clocks ticking deafening them and desperately wanting the white horse and carriage in their late twenties or early thirties, like it’s last call.

What’s your take on this topic?

Oh Really?

  ATTENTION: If you are uptight and get squirmish when the word ‘sex’ is mentioned, then this blog ain’t for you.

I felt really compelled to write this because I found this topic to be so fascinating. A friend of mine texted me a link to this online broadcast called “Ask a Black Man” (www.madamenoire.com), where they discuss various topics ranging from the single life, to dating, to ‘the right one’, etc. But there was one topic in particular that caught my attention.

Apparently, ‘Faking it’ isn’t reserved for the ladies anymore. More and more I’m hearing that guys have joined the game too. And quite a game it is. You deliberately trick your partner into thinking that you’re satisfied because you are either: a. tired, b. don’t like it, or c. just not that into her. If there are any other reasons, please enlighten me because this is very intriguing, but very disappointing to hear.

Whether you are a man or a woman, what’s wrong with being honest? Do you really have to play pretend and put on a production in order to spare feelings or to play into your partner’s ego? Consider this, how would you feel if it was the other way around and you found out that your partner was faking it? The honest to goodness key to a healthy and long-lasting relationship is communication. And by faking it, then drifting off to sleep or even going your separate ways after, that key is truly missing.

I highly encourage the fellas to comment on this, but try to keep it as clean as possible.

Bittersweet

       What is the underlying purpose of being bitter? What exactly does it do? Absolutely nothing to or for the person you are actually mad at. And absolutely nothing good for you. Sure, you may know what happens when people feel stressed out. Well, bitterness is like a first cousin to stress. I’m going to give you a few “reminders” of how being upset for a prolonged time affects you physically and socially, and then a few tips on how to ease your pain.

 

Physical

1) Develop an ulcer                                    2) Frequent headaches (or other aches and pains)

3) Effects your heart                                  4)  Inability to focus

5) Elevated blood pressure                         6) Fatigue

7) Uncontrollable and displaced feelings (irritable, disappointed, depressed, moody, etc.)

 

Social

* Loneliness: There is a big difference between being alone and feeling alone. Nobody wants to be around a sour puss- someone who’s always negative, has nothing good to say about themselves or others, can’t move on, and has a constant attitude. {And I’m sure that all of you had at least one person who automatically popped into your minds once reading this description.}

* Suffer from a loss: You simply can’t expect friendships and/or relationships to stay in tact when you are so negative all the time.

 

Ways to Cope & Overcome

+ The power of prayer                                  + Forgive (yourself and others)

+ Forget- don’t just say you will and throw mental darts at people, actually do it.

+ Live for the future and in the future, not the past or else you’ll be stuck in it.

+ Talk it out with the person when you’re not as upset. Don’t let things build up until it becomes a list of issues because eventually you’ll explode- most likely over something trivial.

 

So what did you learn today… bitterness= your life not being lived in the healthy, happy way that it should.