The Hunt

   As little girls, women are programmed a certain way (intentionally or not) in Cinderella-mode. As children, we watch movie classics such as Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, etc. and are conditioned at a young age to believe that your prince is going to come (your one and only true love), on a white horse, and you are going to live happily ever after. Does this happen in real life? Uh…no. But that’s not the question. It’s much deeper than that. It is ingrained in women early that marriage is going to produce the ultimate completeness and happiness. So I will pose two questions for tonight. One, do you believe that marriage is the key to personal happiness and being “whole”? And two, do you believe that women try to find husbands more often than men try to find wives?

These two questions may appear to be from two different atmospheres, but let me connect the dots for you. As I previously stated, fairytales portray young women as looking for their husband as their main quest. Oftentimes, it’s viewed as the female’s ultimate goal; ‘Okay, I found my husband’…roll credits. I feel sorry for girls who grow into adults who maintain this mentality. There are many women lurking around in the world who search near and far for a husband to complete them, but rarely do I ever hear of a man doing anything remotely close to this. Does this exist?

My personal answer to the first question is no. Even though research shows that married women are overall happier than single women, does not mean that a ring caused that happiness. In order to be an equal partner and to have a decent relationship, you have to be complete first. You shouldn’t go into a relationship and half-ass it. You shouldn’t go into a relationship if you can’t give it your all. And, more importantly, you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you solely depend on another human being to make you happy. That’s just not healthy or realistic (plus a lot of unnecessary pressure on your partner).

In regards to the second question, I whole-heartedly believe that women look for marriage more than men. I don’t see guys stressing about being married by thirty or when they are exactly going to find “The One”. It’s women who worry about their biological clocks ticking deafening them and desperately wanting the white horse and carriage in their late twenties or early thirties, like it’s last call.

What’s your take on this topic?

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6 thoughts on “The Hunt

  1. Taking a different approach with this reply by answering the two questions before reading the rest. Though I may do that more often than I know.
    Anyhoo,
    Q: One, do you believe that marriage is the key to personal happiness and being “whole”?

    A: No, Not necessarily. It can be, though for me happiness was the “Nuclear Family,” minus the dog/cat. Only because it was at the fore front my entire life being that my parents and grandparents remained together, and it is what I knew as the end game. Society has generations moving in a different direction nowadays and though I enjoy my marriage of two years and being married, I find happiness in not being nagged and not arguing. That has been my number 1 for two and a half decades. I do not argue with my mates because it goes nowhere and negativity is so “blah.” So rather focus on the positive and building. I imagine my happiness soon will be my newborn child completing my version of the “Nuclear Family.” Personal happiness should be what has always made you happy and swallowing that bitter pill which is “Nagging” as much as possible. You could just as easily be miserable married or single, find what works for you.

    Q: Do you believe that women try to find husbands more often than men try to find wives?

    A: I believe it is equal. There is a problem with Fathers not raising boys to be men and take on the responsibilities of a man, and learning to love a woman. Same thing goes for most women. Men have trust issues, as do women and I have seen quite a bit of girls raised by bitter grudge holding feminist. They do what is needed to get a man, then beat him down once in a relationship whether it be physical or emotional. Each sex is so concerned about trust and being hurt and the possibilities of divorce and losing their money that they are not so interested in trying. I am bothered that I have some exceptional female friends who deserve a great man (should they want one) though none are stepping up. I have male friends looking for nurturing and the backing of a great woman, only to come across insecure fragile women, and or the bold and beautiful who tell men how to be men, they can do it all them self and don’t need a man but wants a man.

    Guess a simple “o” would have been suffice.

    • I totally agree, especially with your answer to question two. People worry so much about what the other person might do to betray you that you forget how to just be happy. You want somebody so bad, but then don’t know how to treat them when you finally get someone. But you have to either treat each person you meet as an individual (meaning, don’t punish your current for your past) or stay away from relationships until you have healed completely.

  2. OK, so to your answers…a woman could be unhappy in a relationship, yet the second a ring goes on that finger she can instantly transform. Rings cause happiness and are likened to that device on “Men in Black” that instantly clears a persons memory of the events the proceded. The shoulds and should not’s in relationships is crap because I see and hear people doing what they feel. People know right from wrong and what they “SHOULD” do, do they do it? Say you got your bonus and your with your girls at the penis bar, you should have a drink or two and call it a night. You’ll probably do what you feel and blow your bonus on “Mandingo.” <–(*Disclaimer, I know nothing about the penis bar, jus sayin.)

    Agree with you on the pressure thing

    Your second answer I can agree because men do not necessarily have a age restriction, due by date or anything. Most of em look for "Fine" when considering when to get married. I'll take a hard "7" with her stuff together, rather than a "9" who doesn't is spoiled and has a nasty attitude.

    • But part of the reason that ring does that to a woman (not all, I’m just referring to a portion of women) is because of status and the wedding. That’s the time the woman gets to show off her blingage, brag about being a Mrs. (while losing their identity…on purpose), and plan a wedding, not a marriage. Some women don’t think about what comes after that ring and aisle.

      • People need to have a plan. Majority do not think about what comes after the wedding, and is evident with annulments and divorces being on the rise. Not the sole factor of course, because some are either blinded or stubborn enough to ignore the precursor before the “I DO.” Weddings are strictly for show and a bunch of crap. Want vs. Need is a major issue, when all that is needed is the city court or some intimate friends and family in the back yard. Then that 20 – 50k can put a down payment on a house and a car. Hypothetical, should I have to get married again whomever that woman is will be disappointed, because it would probably be her first and it’s going to be SMALL.

        OMG, losing what identity? That was a issue for me going forward with my marriage, because to me it was one foot in and one foot out kinda thing. My then fiance’s reasoning for wanting to keep her last name were for professional reasons and because her father did not have any boys. I called bs from the jump because she was fresh out of grad school, so nobody knew her last name. Second the whole not having any boys thing was dumb too, there are other men in the family that carry the last name.

  3. When I said “losing your identity”, I was talking about a person losing themself in the relaitonship or marriage. A person who when they get a title, become their significant other and forget that they are people too. Not taking your husband’s last name, to me, is different. That comes with the territory, unless you are a big movie star or something.

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