Archive | August 2012

Who Are You?

    Within the last month or two, I have heard different variations of the topic I am going to discuss tonight. Mostly, I’ve heard people talking about mistaking kindness for weakness. But what about the people who take full advantage of a person’s kindness? What type of person would do this without a conscious or a care in the world?

There are some truly genuine people out there, and on the other hand, you have some really spiteful and vindictive people. Why is it that the evil spiteful people try their best to take advantage of others or make it to where they feel that they have the upper hand? Is this to make themselves feel better or to bring you down to their level?  I’ll give you an example. Say for instance a man buys his woman a “just because” gift. She accepts it with open arms (smile and hug included), but talks horribly about her man in the next room to her girlfriend. Not only are you fake, but you’re taking advantage of your man and his sweet gesture.

For the genuine people (for those of us who are left), should we stop being so nice to others or pick and choose who we direct our kindheartedness to? Personally, I don’t believe that I should have to change for anybody. If you want to act like an ass, go right ahead, but don’t involve me. I refuse to change who I am in order to deal with your insecurities. Because what it all boils down to is that people like this (malicious people) have deeper problems and one person is hardly the cause of it. They just take advantage of the opportunity to lash out at people who are harmless.

So my question tonight is this…who are you? Are you genuine or fake? Kind or spiteful? Loving or hateful? Trusting or sneaky? And if you are one of those people that I am talking about, seriously think about your life choices and consider getting some help. There’s only so long that people would want to be stuck around your bitterness, insecurities, and inner shame.


Don’t forget to vote. Only a few days left!


  I’d like to take this time to recognize and send a quick thank you to my readers and faithful followers. I appreciate your support. And as part of my appreciation, I would like to hold a Reader’s Choice Poll. You will get to choose the topic for my September blogs. I will center my blogs for the month around the topic of your choice. So please cast your vote before Saturday, September 1st! Thank you in advance:)

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Reader Appreciation

  I’d like to take this time to recognize and send a quick thank you to my readers and faithful followers. I appreciate your support. And as part of my appreciation, I would like to hold a Reader’s Choice Poll. You will get to choose the topic for my September blogs. I will center my blogs for the month around the topic of your choice. So please cast your vote before Saturday, September 1st! Thank you in advance:)

The Key

  When is it time to say, “You know what. Let’s take it to the next level. Here’s my key.”? Some say when you become exclusive, some say when you’re married, some say for emergencies only, some say when you share the rent/mortgage. Whatever the case may be or whenever you decide that you’re ready, please remember that this is a huge step and that ALL factors must be considered first, such as trust, sustainability, comfort level, future plans, and purpose (in regards to your relationship and for actually giving the key).

Let’s look at trust, is this a person you can trust to have alone in the house without worrying about your TV or money stolen? Is this a person who you can trust as far as who they might invite over (your man might not rip you off, but their favorite cousin will)? This, to me, outweighs all other factors for the simple fact that you are entrusting this person not to copy and give your key to someone else, steal, and have their way with your stuff when you’re absent. This is serious business, ladies and gentlemen, and not a topic to be taken lightly. Now, if you’re handing your key to someone after two dates and saying, “I feel like I’ve known him/her forever.” Stop and check yourself. Two dates, two weeks, or even two months is not enough time to get to know a person and fully trust them. Sorry…no can do.

Let’s look at purpose. Is this a person who is in for the long run or are you trying to hold on so they don’t go elsewhere? Are you in a temporary booty call relationship or a monogamous long lasting one? If you are in a temporary relationship then what is the point? All that is going to lead to is you begging for your key back, worrying if they made copies before giving your key back, or shelling out money to change your locks. A solid purpose is needed before a key is given. Flat out.

All in all, a key means that you have fully invested in something, not just staked a claim on it. It is not owed, it’s earned. Consider all facets of your relationship before you hand over something as precious as a key to your life (and heart).

Here We Go…Again

  Relationships are often like a merry-go-round. You’re on it for a while, you take a break and get off, and some people get right back on. Is it normal to break up and go right back to your ex? Yes. Is it healthy? Most likely no. Will it work better the next time? Definitely no. Here’s the thing.

There’s got to be a reason you broke up in the first place. If it’s an easy fix, there was a break down in the communication somewhere for the problem not to be handled before you parted ways. Maybe your partner wanted a taste of the single life so that they could do their own thing without technically cheating. Whatever the case may be, look closely at the reason for the break up before you eagerly hop back on the ride.

Sometimes it’s not such an easy fix. You have children and joint assets are at stake. Maybe your partner cheated and you feel that the bond has permanently been broken. In this case, why hop back on? Many times your partner is playing games and wants to see how far (s)he can go, how much crap you’ll take, and to see if you’ll really be there in case they deliver the boot again.

I’ve seen it happen and I’ve had it happen. After a while you’ll get tired of riding, but how much of your life do you have to sacrifice and give up to make another person happy that doesn’t care as much as you? How many of your friends have to tell you to “move on or shut up”? Bottom line, if you go back, what’s the chance that whatever happened doesn’t happen again? And if it does, how much are you willing to tolerate?

On the other hand, I have never heard of a couple who have taken a break and come back fresh, or even come back. Taking a break is code for a certified break up, so my question is… is it worth it? If you are closing in on taking a break, is the relationship past fighting for? And why should you go back?

Break vs. break up… are either worth the trouble to get back into the relationship?

Diamonds and Pearls

  Can a person really have it all? When I say “all”, I mean love, job, money, family, friends, and happiness. Absolutely not. One of those categories will be lacking at some point or another. Whether you have the perfect job and single, friends and family with no money, you get the picture.

Now before you go on saying that I am a pessimistic, I would like you to fully read this article and realize that I am instead a realist. Just telling it like it is.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to point out something to you first and foremost. Just because a person is rich, does not make them happy.  Think about it, a lot of these mega million lottery winners get stressed out dealing with all that money and can’t handle it. Some of these mega million stars have all kinds of depression too. Having money does not make a person immune to problems and it certainly doesn’t hold you tight at night.

Also, just because a person has friends and family does not mean that they could never feel lonely or unhappy. There’s a big difference between being alone and feeling alone. You could have twenty close friends that live within a ten mile radius, but if you feel lonely, that wouldn’t make a bit of difference. You can have all the loving people surrounding you in the world and still not be happy.

Or, what if you have the perfect job? You absolutely love your job and love what you’re doing. Wouldn’t everything else fall into place? Not necessarily. Even the perfect job has its perks and downfalls, but even so, that does not guarantee that you would be happy with every other aspect of your life (for example, your home life dulls in comparison to your work life).

I guess the bottom line is to find a happy medium. Do whatever makes you happy first, and then everything else might fall into place. That’s my challenge to you and to myself. Good luck!

Cheat Please

  Do you believe it to be true when people say that ‘A man cheats only if a woman allows him to.’? So a woman says, “Honey, go ahead and screw whomever you feel like. I won’t mind.” Or is it a little more subtle than that?

I can see a person pushing their mate into another’s arms by having a constant nasty attitude, becoming an obsessive private investigator, cutting off the goods for months or up to a year, or even cheating themselves. But who in their right mind allows their man to cheat? The only exception that I see would be in a swinger’s relationship. Do I understand the swinger’s lifestyle? Not at all (but it could be a potential future blog), but from my understanding, stepping out with another is acceptable.

So what about the couples who supposedly “allow” their men to cheat who aren’t swingers? Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you’re the best looking, the best cook, got the best sex/body, or the nicest house. I believe that there’s a reason deep rooted within the relationship to drive the person elsewhere. Of course, it could be any of those reasons I just listed, but I also believe that sometimes you have to scrape off the surface. Blaming the “victim” does not make the situation any better by saying, “He cheated because you never cleaned the house.” That’s bull and an excuse. Don’t settle for the nitpicking reason. If you want a certified reason, dig deep and find out the underlying problem. Maybe ol boy just can’t keep it in his pants, who knows. It’s not always the woman’s fault.