Archive | September 2012

Why Is It So Difficult?

   Why is it so hard for people to make friends after college? Is it because we like our close knit childhood friends better than meeting new people? We get comfortable and can’t even picture someone taking their place. Are we too afraid to let people in? Some people get territorial. They believe that they can only have one best friend or maybe just a few and that’s enough. Years ago, I read something that stated that on average, people have three close friends. Now granted, I don’t know if they specifically meant three same sex friends or not, but think about it. When you hear the word ‘friend’ do you have at least three people who automatically pop into your mind? I think that that writer may have been onto something.

Can we not make new friends because we don’t get out much? You seriously have to be involved in something to meet a new friend. Whether it be school, work, church, gym, etc. Not only are you two involved in the same activity, but you also have to strike up quite a few conversations in order to maintain contact and develop something. You can’t just meet someone that day and say, ‘Yeah, let’s exchange numbers so we can hang out this weekend.” Um…no. I don’t know you and I’m not handing out my number to strangers.

So, what are you missing when you close your mind off to meeting new potential friends? You miss living your life. Sometimes friends are only there for a season or a certain part of your life. For example, sometimes you lose touch after you move away from them. You need to have that option of going out with someone, talking to them for hours about your issues, or crying on their shoulder. For guys, you need someone to watch the game with or hook you up with their girlfriend’s friend.

You also miss out on sharing a part of yourself and vice versa. Maybe you never thought someone could ever understand what you’re going through, until you meet your new friend who either embarks on the same journey or has someone close who has. Sometimes it feels so good to unleash your deepest feelings and secrets to someone without them judging you. Now granted, I wouldn’t suggest this at the beginning of a new friendship, but only when they have become a good friend. All in all, I think that we should all try to open our minds and our hearts to the possibility of a great friendship developing. Even though you may have three true best friends, there’s still room for plain ole friends.

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What If?

  Continuing on with the friendship theme for the month of September, I decided for this blog I would strike up some meaningful conversation through some thought provoking questions. Think about these and feel free to post some answers.

1. What if you had a friend who questions your parenting skills/style?

2. What if your friend steals from you?

3. What if your friend needs a kidney or some other kind of transplant?

4. What if your friend slept with your spouse?

5. What if your friend was homicidal or suicidal?

6. What if your friend was into heavy drugs or alcohol?

7. What if your friend constantly copies your style (ex. the way you dress, look, talk, etc.)?

8. What if your friend tries to deliberately sabotage your relationship?

9. What if your friend hates your fiancee or spouse?

10. What if your friend wanted to date someone in your family?

11. What if your friend doesn’t believe in God (or the same God) or have the same values as you?

12. What if your friend becomes best friends with your archenemy?

Are any of these “dealbreakers” for you?

My Friend’s Ex

   Is it right to flirt with a friend’s ex? Or better yet, date? Before I say ‘yea’ or ‘nay’, consider this.

– This type of situation brings up trust issues. Can you trust your friend to stay a friend? Would a true friend really do this?

– You could also wonder if something was going on before the break up or if either party was even looking at each other then. Then your mind would start to think back to all of those times you all were hanging out and you left the room to go to the bathroom or to grab something from the frig.

– If your friend breaks up with your ex, you would be left to wonder if it’ll happen again with your next mate.

– Think about it…would you really want to hear intimate details coming from your friend’s mouth about your ex?

– What is your friend trying to prove? That they can snatch your mate? That they are a better catch than you?

It isn’t always good to kiss and tell unless you truly have a trustworthy friend. I heard a long time ago that if you do too much talking about how great your mate is, people start paying attention to that and might test it out themselves. In my personal opinion, a friend would never betray the trust and loyalty to their friend by dating their ex. I mean who wants sloppy seconds? It would create quite the strain on your friendship, if it remains intact. A true friend knows their boundaries and what’s off limits. So if your “friend” is looking at, flirting with, having sex with, or actually in a relationship with your ex (or even worse, your current mate), you will definitely have to reevaluate your friendship- see if it’s worth saving or if it really was a friendship to begin with.

My Associate

  I sometimes think back to my younger days when Everybody was my friend. You would buy the whole class a little Valentine’s Day card, bring in cupcakes for your friends, throw slumber parties, etc. Those were the days. But it wasn’t until you hit high school (some people took a longer amount of time to figure it out) until you realized who your friends really were. Those same people you were calling best friends in middle school, are ya’ll still cool now? The ones you swore you would forever K.I.T. (Keep In Touch) with, do you? Now I do understand that some people grow out of friendships, but I’m talking about the true friendships that do last.

There is a HUGE difference between Friend and Associate. For those who are confused, let me break it down.

FRIENDS: You can call on until you get on their nerves. You can cry on their shoulder. You can call them at two or even seven in the morning. You will give them your very last. You know what can make them laugh, cry, smile, and frown. You take care of them when or if you need to. You genuinely care and love them.

ASSOCIATES: Only see them when you just happen to run into them. You may call them, but it’s only on holidays. You can’t count on them. You don’t even know their sibling’s name. You don’t know where they live or where they’re from. You don’t care about them.

Once you have finished reading this list, take some time to think about the people in your life. Which category do most of the people around you fit in? What are you to other people? I heard a long time ago that people have about three TRUE friends in their life. Figure out those three and let them know how much you care about them and what they mean to you.

Poll Results

   Thank you to all who voted last week. The winning topic for September is…Friendship. This is a topic I haven’t touched on too much in the eleven months I’ve been with WordPress. I look forward to addressing various blogs on this subject beginning this Thursday. See you then:)