Archive | November 2012

Simplicity

simple   Do most women like jewelry? Absolutely. Do most men like nice cars? Sure. But there are some things that don’t cost a thing but are very meaningful. It’s the simple things, ladies and gentlemen, that lets your mate know that you’re still interested, that you care and love them, and that is the glue that holds your relationship together. Below is a list of things that won’t lead you to the poor house and could bring a smile to your significant other’s face.

+ Smile- Seeing a smile on your loved one’s face is usually contagious (unless it looks sneaky). An easy way to brighten up your day.

+ Favorite picture- Another way to better your mood is to gaze at your favorite picture. Whether it’s a picture of you two together or even a picture of the sun setting over the ocean. Your favorite visions bring pleasant memories.

+ Hug and kiss- Sometimes there’s nothing better than coming home after a long day (or a rough day) and getting a bear hug and a nice kiss.

+ Doing something without being asked- Taking the initiative or doing something without being reminded or nagged about it is appreciative. There are some people who like to nag, but most people would rather not waste their breath reminding you over and over to do something. Please save your partner some time and energy by just taking care of it.

+Text- It used to be that you would send a Thinking of You card or letter. Now a simple, “I love you” or “Thinking of you” text would suffice.

+ Phone Call- Sometimes calling just to say hi or hearing your mate’s voice is just good enough.

+ Cleaning up after yourself- You won’t fully appreciate this one until you walk into an area that you just know is going to be messy and it’s not. Your boo did his/her part by handling their business. Bravo.

What are some of your simple things?

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It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye

   This is the third and final installment of the breakup series (if you missed the other two, check out “It’s Time” and “A Done Deal”).  There are times that call for a hasty breakup such as, someone cheating (especially repeatedly or passing you a STD), stealing from you, etc. But every now and then you get those semi-tricky situations that may cause you to rethink your decision to split. Below are the top three reasons breakups can be hard to do.

1. Long history: When you are with someone for five, ten years and you haven’t walked down the isle yet, you have put in a lot of work to keep your relationship. You have probably put up with a lot already and maybe holding out for a ring. Remaining in love with your partner will keep you grounded but possibly staying in a relationship that may or may not be healthy for you.

2. Children- ‘Staying for the children’ has been an excuse that has been used since time began. Of course it’s better raising children in a two parent home, but oftentimes staying has compromised a person’s happiness and sanity.

3. Abuse- In a previous blog, “When is Enough, Enough”, I talked about relationships that involve abuse. In the beginning of the relationship, the abuser is often a charmer; buying gifts, being really sweet, doing whatever it takes to appear to be the perfect woman/man. Rarely do the gloves come off early, but when they do, you’re already sucked in. You start thinking that it’s your fault for their behavior and making excuses for them. You’re in so deep that you’re almost brainwashed, and if you leave or even attempt, there will be serious consequences.

Deciding to break up with you partner can be tough to do for some and easier for others. Whichever category you fall in, make sure that your children’s best interests (if you have some) come first, and then your happiness and best interests come next. As always, if you have another situation where breaking up is hard to do, please feel free to share.

On a totally different note, have a blessed Thanksgiving:)

A Done Deal

  A break up seals the deal and severs ties, right? Yes, it should, but often it does not. Sometimes it leads to more questions, more anger, and more of a need for closure (I hate the concept of ‘closure’, but I guess it’s needed in certain circumstances). In the following cases, I will be describing some of the top five jackass ways people should never break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Feel free to add some.

≠ Post-it: To all of my Sex and the City lovers…you know what I’m talking about. The infamous Berger post-it: “I can’t. I’m sorry.” This is just wrong on so many levels. You’re not even worth a full sheet of paper?

Which brings us to…

≠ Mail/letter: This day in age, nobody is writing letters anymore, which is kind of sad, but not in this case. For example, you mail a letter breaking up with your girlfriend. You consider yourself single for the two days the mail is processing without your girlfriend having a clue. That’s cold. I do a better job explaining myself in writing because I have time to think instead of thinking on my feet verbally, but never write a break up letter. If anything, write a “closure” statement once the deed is done the proper way- verbally.

≠ Text: This is just as bad as a post-it. What are you doing? Maybe you don’t want to talk to you boyfriend ever again in life, then how about you call him and tell him that it’s over and get off the phone. A text is meant for a quick message; ex. I’m on my way; see you later; I miss you. No one should ever see, “I hate you. We’re done.”

≠ Through another person: How does this work? Tell their mama, best friend, cousin, whoever that “It’s over” and ask them to relay the message. One word- trifflin. Next!

≠ Just don’t: This is the person who decides to disappear instead of being a grown up and handling their business. This is where the infamous “closure” comes into play. Everything’s just left in the air and you spend more time thinking about what happened and concern for that person (i.e. Is he/she okay? Maybe they were in an accident) than knowing that you guys did indeed break up.

The moral of the story is this. When you speak to someone verbally, you are able to get out all the questions you need, and you get to confess or profess like an adult.

It’s Time

  I am long overdue for this… here comes a three-parter. This is a topic that we can all relate to at one time or another- break ups. We’re going to start this series off with knowing when to break off a relationship. Yes, break ups are hard to do (sometimes) and a lot of times, you have to really hit that point of no return before you can totally call it quits. But there are certain situations that make breaking up simple. Below are the top eight reasons why a couple should break up (not in any particular order). Feel free to add some of your own in the comments section.

1. Disrespect: This could come in all kind of forms ranging from putting your dirty feet on a table (with or without shoes on), to cussing you out, to cheating, to humiliating you in front of people, to staying out all night or coming in whenever.

2. Abuse: This is for either you (male or female) and/or your children. You need to get out, especially when children are involved because their safety comes first. You cannot imagine what children go through when they witness abuse or are abused themselves. So if there are any victims of domestic violence with children who are reading this, if you don’t do it for yourself, please do it for your children and get out!

3. Not in love/ No purpose: I’ve been in plenty of useless relationships. I know it sounds trifling, but there was a point in my life where I needed something to do. Did those relationships last? No. Some longer than others, but was I mentally or emotionally attached? Not a chance. You get to a point where you have to grow up and treat yourself better than that. If your relationship is not leading to something, then what is the purpose (unless you and your mate do not want to get married)?

4. You don’t like who you’re with: Now granted, there may be times where you don’t like each other, but if you don’t like your mate on ANY day of the week…there’s a problem.

5. More cons than pros: When you start feeling that itch to move on from a relationship, make a pros and cons list. If that list is twenty to one, favoring the cons…there’s a problem. And if those cons aren’t fixable, keep it pushing.

6. Lack of trust: When you lose trust, there’s no love. End of story.

7. Lack of appreciation: Everyone likes to feel appreciated and what’s wrong with letting that person know? The problem is sometimes we neglect to say or better yet show our appreciation to one another then we start taking them for granted or pushing them away. It’s the pushing away that makes it easier to leave.

8. Take advantage: Everybody has a part in a relationship, but if one person is doing their share and part of yours, why should they stay? I’m a firm believer in an equal partnership and if you can’t get with that, you’ve gotta go.

The White Lie

  “Do I look good in this?” “Am I good enough?” “What’s on your mind?” Is there ever a good time in a person’s relationship to feed your mate a little white lie? Do you believe that sometimes it’s better to lie than to tell the truth or is truth truly the best policy?

Acceptable

What could possibly be acceptable to lie to your partner about? Maybe you don’t have the to heart to tell them that their gut is hanging over their jeans. Or you hate their favorite shirt. Their feet are jacked up.  You hate their mother.  I get it. Sometimes you choose to spare your mate’s feelings. Or you tell them about some things, but choose to not tell them about others for fear of bringing out a laundry list of complaints. Fine, but make sure that it’s small and very insignificant.

Not Acceptable

There are numerous things that should not be lied about and that should be discussed. For instance, if you knowingly passed someone a STD and denied it when confronted, you’re wrong. Or you lie and say that you’re happy with your partner and you’re totally miserable. “That’s your baby,” Chris Rock stated in a comedy show that that’s women’s biggest lie. Well ladies, don’t blame a child on whomever you want the daddy to be. But if that’s true, then one of men’s biggest lies are, “He ain’t mine!” Be honest with yourself and others. When it comes down to serious matters, don’t try to lie your way out of the situation. There’s obviously a reason why you’re there. Talk it out. Not everything can get swept under the rug.

What were some little white lies that you’ve told?