A Done Deal

  A break up seals the deal and severs ties, right? Yes, it should, but often it does not. Sometimes it leads to more questions, more anger, and more of a need for closure (I hate the concept of ‘closure’, but I guess it’s needed in certain circumstances). In the following cases, I will be describing some of the top five jackass ways people should never break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Feel free to add some.

≠ Post-it: To all of my Sex and the City lovers…you know what I’m talking about. The infamous Berger post-it: “I can’t. I’m sorry.” This is just wrong on so many levels. You’re not even worth a full sheet of paper?

Which brings us to…

≠ Mail/letter: This day in age, nobody is writing letters anymore, which is kind of sad, but not in this case. For example, you mail a letter breaking up with your girlfriend. You consider yourself single for the two days the mail is processing without your girlfriend having a clue. That’s cold. I do a better job explaining myself in writing because I have time to think instead of thinking on my feet verbally, but never write a break up letter. If anything, write a “closure” statement once the deed is done the proper way- verbally.

≠ Text: This is just as bad as a post-it. What are you doing? Maybe you don’t want to talk to you boyfriend ever again in life, then how about you call him and tell him that it’s over and get off the phone. A text is meant for a quick message; ex. I’m on my way; see you later; I miss you. No one should ever see, “I hate you. We’re done.”

≠ Through another person: How does this work? Tell their mama, best friend, cousin, whoever that “It’s over” and ask them to relay the message. One word- trifflin. Next!

≠ Just don’t: This is the person who decides to disappear instead of being a grown up and handling their business. This is where the infamous “closure” comes into play. Everything’s just left in the air and you spend more time thinking about what happened and concern for that person (i.e. Is he/she okay? Maybe they were in an accident) than knowing that you guys did indeed break up.

The moral of the story is this. When you speak to someone verbally, you are able to get out all the questions you need, and you get to confess or profess like an adult.


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