Archive | January 2013

Things That Make You Say Awe

love2  Nowadays, many relationships are based on trickery. Somebody’s looking for an ulterior motive such as sex, money, or simply using the other person for any type of gain. Some of us have been played so hard that you question every single nice word or kind gesture for fear of more game playing or just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

On the other hand, there are some men and women who are truly mature and know what they’re looking for, so they decide not to play games, but rather state how they really feel about the person they care about. Here are some of the most loving things that you could say to your other half (not in any particular order). *These are only considered sweet and genuine when they are spoken from the heart.

1. I love you.

2. I appreciate you.

3. I support you.

4. You turn me on.

5. I can’t wait to… see you, hold you, kiss you, or any other similar variation.

6. “We” and “us” (instead of “I”)

7. We’re in this together.

8. You make me smile.

9. You are gorgeous or sexy.

10. You are my best friend.

11. I can’t stand being without you.

12. I miss you.

Do you have any that you could add to the list?

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The Game

h   It’s Saturday night. You’ve got on your tightest pants or shortest dress. Your high heels, dangling earrings, and Mac lip gloss. You and your girlfriends ride together, and within thirty, you arrive at your destination. The club. And as a woman, what do you expect when you first step in? Wack lines. Whomp whomp.

Now granted, I haven’t been out clubbing with my girls in a while. Matter of fact, I have even fallen asleep in a couple because it’s not my thing anymore. But I can guarantee one thing without even having to step back into one- there’s going to be a lot of drunk men with no game.  So fellas, if you do anything on this list… STOP IT IMMEDIATELY!

1. “Hey ma.” For starters, I am not your ma, boo, boo thang, sweet thang, girl, or any other variation. Secondly, you are men. Please have some manners before stepping up on somebody. And lastly, if you don’t know my name and you substitute it with “ma,” it wasn’t meant to be.

2. “Lemme holla at chu.” No.

3. “Why you look so mean?” This line should not be a one size fits all type of deal. You hear this all the time. If you want to say something, bring some substance to the conversation. But think about it for a minute. If you were walking through a crowded, funky room and getting bumped constantly and your feet stepped on or even have a drink spilled on them, you would be frowning too. Or if you’re on a mission, for example, headed to the bar or the bathroom, sometimes you aren’t aware of your facial expressions. So fellas, I’m gonna tell you a little secret. This line is tired and annoying. So stop it!

4. “You can’t have friends?” Are you kidding me? Say the shoe was on the other foot. Say I hook up with my new club friend and we end up in a relationship. Would you be okay with me getting new club “friends?” Hell no! You’re selfish.

5. The nonverbal grab. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m not going to say anything, but instead I’ll just grab your arm, butt, breast, or whatever. I had one guy that was bold enough to jump on my back after I ignored him grabbing my arm and the back of my shirt. This is just totally unacceptable on all levels. Why are you touching me? What do you want? Get your hands off me. All pop into my head when I see or experience this. This is definitely not a turn on. Don’t touch me. Moving on.

6. The stare. This is just creepy. I know you guys are just trying to see if you can catch a woman’s eye, but damn. Didn’t your mama teach you that staring is rude? Staring in any situation is weird and uncomfortable, but add the dark and an active atmosphere to the mix. I’m gonna just think that you’re plain ole crazy or a stalker.

Do you have any weak lines that you can add?

To Be or Not To Be With

couple3   Recently, I’ve had a couple of conversations with a few of friends of mine in regards to dating. Now granted, I am no longer dating, but it is still an interesting topic to discuss. The topic of choice was basically compromise. When you are just stepping into the dating world, you have a couple of things on your wish list that you want in your partner. A few years later, that list grows and grows. When you hit the mid to late twenties, that list becomes damn near impossible for anybody to match (I know that I’m not just talking about the ladies here). If you are still single in your thirties, suddenly, one or two things fall off. Those one or two things are called compromises.

Now, the question is…why can’t I have what I want or why shouldn’t I get exactly what I want? Because, sometimes our standards are set too high. Not to say that you shouldn’t set the bar somewhere. I’m just pointing out that maybe you shouldn’t shoot for the stars and expect perfection.

A week or two ago, (of course I can’t remember who voted and where) on the internet there was a post about the “Perfect Man.” About two thousand women voted, and this fifty-year-old, slightly pudgy man with an accent was the result. They described the type of hair and eyes, what he did for a living, etc., but what they mainly described was physical attributes. (And for the record, the picture I saw of the man was not attractive.) But, just physical attributes and how a person makes money does not make the man.  What if you meet a gorgeous doctor who beats on you? Fine + a well-respected profession≠ does not always mean a good person at heart.

The point is, there is no cookie-cutter perfect guy, but there is a perfect person for each one of us. What’s best for me is not going to be best for you. Sometimes you have to compromise to get that custom made person. And what you choose to compromise is your business, whether it be your religious beliefs, children are already in the picture, their marital status (and I’m talking divorced, single, or maybe separated)- you get the picture. Your “perfect” man or woman could be out there right now that you’re overlooking because they don’t make $100,000 per year or because they don’t own a Bentley. Sometimes we have to give up a lil something to fully achieve and appreciate happiness.

Does Size Really Matter?

Image   For starters, get your mind out of the gutter. I’m not even gonna go there with that touchy subject, but instead I’ll approach another. Ring size. Does how many carats in a ring determine what type of marriage you’ll have? Does it dictate what kind of man a woman is marrying (for example, cheap versus generous)? My answer is no to both and let me tell you why.

Of course most women want a big diamond. Nobody, and let me repeat, nobody is going to ask or secretly wish for a diamond that they cannot see. For one, bigger looks better. And two, bragging rights. Let me repeat, nobody is gonna want to show off a diamond that you need a magnifying glass to see. But here’s the thing. A piece of jewelry does not represent your marriage or what it could be. For example, Tom Cruise presented Katie Holmes with a five carat platinum ring which cost $275,000. Ben Affleck proposed to Jennifer Lopez with a six carat diamond that cost two million. We all know what happened in these two situations, but let me break it down. These guys spent beaucoup money on relationships that didn’t last more than eight years (combined). You cannot put more into an object than a lifelong partnership. Objects do not and cannot determine quality, which is the purpose of marriage not whose is biggest.

Style should be more or less judged more than money spent on a ring. If you know your partner well enough to marry them, then you should be able to pick out their taste. Fellas, I’m going to give you a huge suggestion when it comes to jewelry (maybe even clothes). If you don’t know her exact taste or if you picked something out that you’re unsure of, take a peek in her jewelry box or what she wears. Now granted you shouldn’t buy an exact replica, but simply a similar style.

How much money a man has does not make the man. You could be the richest man in the world and still be a jackass. Or you could be the poorest man in the world and have the most caring heart. Trust me, this article is not an out for men to go out and look for a two hundred dollar ring (before it went on sale) to propose with, but moreso this is an article to point out that money, status, and fanciness do not always produce happiness. It’s what you and your partner contribute to making your marriage work.

Actin Brand New

bubbly   It’s the beginning of a brand new year. If you’re like me, you’ve been thinking, “2013- that’s going to be MY year.” New beginnings, fresh start, clean slate. When you think of January 1st, we automatically start thinking of a list of resolutions that we know full well that aren’t gonna make it past January. So what can we do instead? Instead develop short term and long term goals and maybe even a timeline to help you help yourself. {If you literally moaned and groaned about me asking you to do “too much work,” read this article to its entirety first and then decide your fate:)}

 

What is the point of all this?

The point is to shoot for something. To give yourself direction and purpose. Nobody wants to feel defeated or to walk around and not have a purpose. There’s no better feeling than feeling like you’ve achieved something. A lot of times when we make New Year’s resolutions, we do it verbally. But with goals, these need to be written down and followed step by step. Last year, I wrote a blog about vision boards. These are very much acceptable too. Anything to get your mind and body moving towards success.

 Aren’t goals just like resolutions?

Yes and no. Goals can be things that you want to change or improve, but they are also there to hold you accountable. Accountability is so important. That’s your motivation. You put it in writing, so now you have to back it up. Resolutions, on the other hand, can be broken and forgotten within two weeks.

What am I supposed to do with these goals?

Write them out. Be specific as possible but don’t have too many. Too many goals are just like too many rules in the classroom- overwhelming. Create two or three goals and write out measurable steps to get there. Imagine what it would look like if you accomplished your goals and work backwards, if that helps. After you have written out your goals, you need to display them somewhere; somewhere where you can see them all the time. I recently read somewhere that if other people see what you’re working towards, they might hold you accountable too and maybe even check in every now and then to see if you are still on track.

What do you mean by timeline?

Draw up a timeline of when you want your goals met. For short term goals, maybe goal one can be achieved in three months. After that is out of the way, maybe you can write in goal two for the following month, and so on. For long term goals, you could perhaps make a One Year, Five Year, Ten Year spreadsheet instead. Either way, your timeline needs to be visible so that you can see if you’re on track.

Ladies and gentlemen, just look at this as a blueprint of your future and take it from there. You can’t complain about not getting what you want if you sit back and wait for it to come your way. Sometimes you just gotta go out there and get it yourself. Good luck!