Everyone needs time to get themselves together once they’ve experienced a break up, especially if their heart was in it. The amount of time varies, but a person has to be reasonable. A three month romance should not be “mourned” for a year. What you do is take time to reevaluate choices, yourself, and future endeavors. Below I have some tips on ways to move on after a break up (as usual, they are not in any particular order).
+ Talk about it→ This could be to your friends, close family members, a therapist, pastor, etc. Your feelings need to be discussed and handled before things get out of hand (for example, blow up over something little or jump into another relationship soon after). Now, let me be clear. This does not mean that you should talk anybody to death; for instance, call your friends several days in a row crying for weeks. I mean, talk it out, but don’t become a bugaboo.
+ Write a letter→ This letter should include everything you want to get off your chest, but here’s the catch. Don’t send it. Sending it will encourage the communication you don’t need in order to move on. Instead, destroy it. Rip it up, shred it, or burn it if you have to (and if you are careful). If this is what you need to get closure, whatever ‘closure’ means, then do it.
+ Spend time with family and friends→ Make up for the time you lost when you were dating the wrong person. Lean on your social support system. They will also keep you from doing something stupid when you want to get even, rekindle, or ask for ‘closure.’ (I’m sorry, I have to put closure in single quotation marks because I don’t really believe in it. Even if you have that crucial conversation that ties up loose ends, we women will overanalyze that conversation to death and then the closure convo becomes an open wound.).
+ Keep busy→ Get more involved with your church or take a class (academic, exercise, or any other that would keep your mind off your ex and strengthen your bond with yourself).
+ Journal→ When you feel like you’ve talked your friends to death, they stopped taking your calls, or it’s not an appropriate time to call anybody, write it out. Keep a diary or journal for your feelings, ideas, thoughts, etc. This is definitely a healthy way to find your voice without sounding desperate and pitiful to anybody else. You can say whatever you want without being judged. Just make sure that you keep it in a safe place.
+ Don’t get involved with someone else before you are healed→ When you get involved with someone else while your feelings are still raw, it’s not going to work unless it’s strictly physical. Even then, you could sleep with somebody else and fall for them because you’re feeling vulnerable. Wait until you are truly ready before inviting someone else into your web. Nobody likes baggage or to be used.
+ Change your number→ Some of us have exes that can’t let go and save our numbers forever so that they can call or text whenever they feel like it. You know the ones that can sense when you have moved on or could possibly be happy, then they call or text you out of the blue. I miss you. I love you. Whatever. Block them, change your number, or do what you need to do in order to get them out of the way. I had an ex who thought that it was enough to listen to my voice on my voicemail since I ignored his calls. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
+ Stop wondering→ You know exactly what I’m talking about. You’re wondering what they’re doing, what they’re thinking about, if they are thinking about you. Then you find out that they have moved on. You then start wondering what he or she looks like, how did they get their attention, what do they have that you don’t. You are giving way too much attention and power to someone who was not the one for you. You are keeping yourself from finding Mr. or Ms. Right and rebuilding a healthy new you. Stop it. It’s time to focus on you. End of story.