Archive | April 2013

Not Love

confused  After a few months of dating someone, you start to really put your feelings into perspective. Do I love him? Am I in love with her? Do I even still like them? Unless you’re in one of those ‘Just because’ relationships like I discussed before, you will have at least one of these type of conversations in your head or maybe even with your best friend. But, has there ever been a time when you’ve been totally confused? Well…here are some things to help you figure out whether you are being loved or you truly love someone.

– You have to fight to spend time with them= I don’t know what this would be called, but a person who truly loves you, hates for you to leave and looks forward to seeing you again. You make time for the person you love…period.

– You are still having sex with someone else= Even though this is a no brainer, I think it’s an important factor to list.

– They are following you (or vice versa)= And I don’t necessarily mean on Twitter. What I mean is, you’re working out and you look up and they’re staring at you from across the room.  They leave you notes on your car or in your mailbox. They know your every move. This is not love. This is an obsession or simply a crazy stalker.

– Control= When you feel the need to control a person, this isn’t love. It’s called insecurity. I’ve touched on this before, but I don’t mind repeating it. If you feel the need to control what a person does at every waking moment, maybe you’re in need of a child. A child needs guided structure because they don’t know any better, not adults.

– Unsupportive= If they are only by your side for your ups (ex. you won the lottery, got some free tickets to a game, got a raise) and vanish during your downs, the love isn’t there. Pay close attention to who’s there to bring you OJ and Tussin when you are too sick to go to work.

– Abusive= Abuse does not always have to be physical. There’s also emotional and psychological abuse. Regardless of what type you may be dishing or receiving…THIS IS NOT LOVE. A person who loves you would do anything to not cause you pain.

-Lack trust= No trust, no love. Just as simple as that.

– Doesn’t care= If you don’t care about a person’s well-being or being a part of their future, you don’t need a crystal ball to tell you that there’s no love in the cards for this relationship.

– Not a priority= This goes along with the first bullet point. If you would rather spend time with your boys/girls, or you attend events by yourself or take someone other than who you’re involved with, or you spend three or four days in a row not seeing or speaking to that person (and you haven’t been in a recent argument)…then you are not a priority to them and they do not love you.

Love is a tricky emotion that is not to be played with. The purpose of a soulmate is to find the one you love and deeply connect with. And if you are wasting your time on someone who doesn’t love you or vice versa, you’re preventing yourself from finding The One and true happiness.

The Worst

movie2  Who doesn’t love a great movie? I mean, you sit down, get sucked into an amazing plot that allows you to forget the outside world for a little while, and relax. Buttery popcorn? Check. Recliner or sofa? Check. Raisinets or Sour Patch Kids? Check. Excellent movie? Womp womp womp…not happening. I’m simply referring to those movies that you either paid for or took the time to enjoy in the privacy of your own home and they were just horrible.

I’ve listed the top ten movies that are the worst movies that I’ve ever encountered. Most of them I sat through painfully and others I had the luxury of turning off. They are not in any particular order because they all are almost equally terrible.

+ Scary Movie 5- Which is what encouraged me to make this list.

+ Scary Movie 4- I wasted ten minutes of my life and I want it back.

+ King Ralph- Thankfully, the awfulness was suppressed, but I do remember leaving the theater very unhappy.

+ Hangover 2- I didn’t like the first one, but I was MADE by SOMEBODY to see this one and I wanted to hang myself right in the theater.

+ Changing Lanes- I didn’t make it past fifteen minutes. I hope it got better, but I didn’t want to chance it.

+ Posse- SMH

+ Vanilla Sky- My face was scrunched the whole time, like WTF and ‘Why am I here?’

+ Soul Plane- I’m glad that I gave Kevin Hart another chance after this, cause I sho grew a strong dislike for him.

+ Not Another Teen Movie- Not funny.

+ Phenomenon- Another ten to fifteen minutes of breath and energy wasted.

What would you add? I KNOW there’s plenty more.

Good Lovin’

chewing-lips-12923223  I’ve been treading lightly around this particular topic because I know my mother reads my blogs, but this time, I gotta dive in. I was browsing through a list of articles last week on another site; many of them caught my eye, a couple of them I read, and then I kept it moving. But there was one article that I purposely skipped because I wanted to pose the question myself and  give my own opinion. So here’s the question… .

What Makes Good Sex?

As always readers, please add a comment, because I’m just curious to see if this made you really think as it did for me (and of course add HOW you would answer the question).

For me, good sex is a whole ‘lotta things! For one, it’s passion. Now, passion for some might be on the list of ‘making love,’ but I would add it to both. Second, a connection. Meaningless, empty sex is just that…meaningless and empty, not necessarily good. When you actually connect with someone, it makes the experience that much richer.

Third, pleasure. You have to like it, that’s a no brainer. Fourth, selflessness. If your partner is all about them, then it’s no fun. But when you’re included and you are pleased as well, then naturally, it would make the experience better. Fifth, climax. Who doesn’t want to (just as long as it’s not thirty seconds in)?

Sixth, it is NOT the size. I may be a minority here on this one, but it really is how you use your tool. You can have the biggest schlong in history and still not know what to do with it. On the other hand, a smaller guy may have more tricks up his sleeve. Which leads me to number seven, effort. If you put a lot of effort in it, the more pleasurable the experience.

Eighth, excitement. There’s got to be some kind of thrill; whether it’s a naughty place, or you’re wearing something skanky, or whatever. And last but certainly not least, desire. Having that desire is the equivalent of revving the engine.

What can you add to the list?

Just Because

casual couple  Have you ever experienced a break up with someone you genuinely cared about only to turn around and date someone who you couldn’t care less about? Is it ever okay to date this type of guy or girl? The type that I’m referring to is the ‘Just Because’ date.

These are the rebound people, so to speak. These are the people who are there to basically get used in however you see fit. For example, if you feel like hanging out with the opposite sex…get your ‘Just Because.’ If you’re feeling frisky, get your ‘Just Because.’ Whether you want to admit it or not, everyone has dated someone who didn’t have too much purpose in their life or you even made excuses as to why you had ANY type of relationship with this person.

Is it wrong? Not necessarily, but that depends on how you use your guy or gal. For instance, if you call them up and whine for them to take you to expensive restaurants because you’re hungry or whine about needing a vacation and you ask to be taken to a five star spa resort in Hawaii, then yes, this is wrong. You’re just being a gold digger. Flat out. On the flip side, if you genuinely enjoy their company, attend free events (and paid), are okay with having safe casual sex every now and then, and can hold down a decent conversation, then I don’t see the problem.

The ‘Just Because’ date can also be used (semi-appropriately) for dating practice- as long as both parties agree to a casual relationship. This set up cannot work with couples who take this situation seriously. Sometimes a person needs companionship. Sometimes people are extra vulnerable after a break up and seek some cuddle time from someone other than their ex or even a kiss or two. These are things that you can’t get from your friends, so who else should supply it? Just Because! I’ll be damned if I were to break up with someone and ask one of my girlfriends to come over because I need to be held. Um…no. Not the same. No thanks.

As with every relationship, there are two major cons with this type of relationship; one of you catches feelings, and the tough break up with your ‘Just Because.’ Some people (and not just females either) simply cannot turn their emotions off. After a while, you begin to believe that the relationship has turned into just that, instead of what it is- an as needed partnership. So feelings get involved, then comes clinginess, then come jealousy, which equals a huge mess. Breaking it off can also create a problem since they’ve been there for you in your time of need. The only time this doesn’t become a hot mess is if both of you find another outlet, if he or she was too cool to give a damn whether you’re there or not, or you both end up in a committed relationship.

So, all in all, if you have a ‘Just Because’ or you ARE the ‘Just Because’ be careful. This could be an ideal casual situation where you can just have fun and not take things so serious, or it could lead down a path of hurt feelings, jealousy, and greed. It’s your choice how you want to work this, but make sure that you and your partner are on the same page.