Not Love

confused  After a few months of dating someone, you start to really put your feelings into perspective. Do I love him? Am I in love with her? Do I even still like them? Unless you’re in one of those ‘Just because’ relationships like I discussed before, you will have at least one of these type of conversations in your head or maybe even with your best friend. But, has there ever been a time when you’ve been totally confused? Well…here are some things to help you figure out whether you are being loved or you truly love someone.

– You have to fight to spend time with them= I don’t know what this would be called, but a person who truly loves you, hates for you to leave and looks forward to seeing you again. You make time for the person you love…period.

– You are still having sex with someone else= Even though this is a no brainer, I think it’s an important factor to list.

– They are following you (or vice versa)= And I don’t necessarily mean on Twitter. What I mean is, you’re working out and you look up and they’re staring at you from across the room.  They leave you notes on your car or in your mailbox. They know your every move. This is not love. This is an obsession or simply a crazy stalker.

– Control= When you feel the need to control a person, this isn’t love. It’s called insecurity. I’ve touched on this before, but I don’t mind repeating it. If you feel the need to control what a person does at every waking moment, maybe you’re in need of a child. A child needs guided structure because they don’t know any better, not adults.

– Unsupportive= If they are only by your side for your ups (ex. you won the lottery, got some free tickets to a game, got a raise) and vanish during your downs, the love isn’t there. Pay close attention to who’s there to bring you OJ and Tussin when you are too sick to go to work.

– Abusive= Abuse does not always have to be physical. There’s also emotional and psychological abuse. Regardless of what type you may be dishing or receiving…THIS IS NOT LOVE. A person who loves you would do anything to not cause you pain.

-Lack trust= No trust, no love. Just as simple as that.

– Doesn’t care= If you don’t care about a person’s well-being or being a part of their future, you don’t need a crystal ball to tell you that there’s no love in the cards for this relationship.

– Not a priority= This goes along with the first bullet point. If you would rather spend time with your boys/girls, or you attend events by yourself or take someone other than who you’re involved with, or you spend three or four days in a row not seeing or speaking to that person (and you haven’t been in a recent argument)…then you are not a priority to them and they do not love you.

Love is a tricky emotion that is not to be played with. The purpose of a soulmate is to find the one you love and deeply connect with. And if you are wasting your time on someone who doesn’t love you or vice versa, you’re preventing yourself from finding The One and true happiness.

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