For starters, let me begin by defining a couple things.
Friend= People you can count on and share your deepest and darkest secrets with without judgment.
Associate= People who you are cool with, may hang out with, but don’t talk to on a regular basis.
Frenemy= People who pretend to be your friend and are quick to throw you under the bus.
In high school, I learned the hard way the differences between these three types of people and it wasn’t hard to see who fit into which category. To me, it was cut and dry. But, what happens when people cross these pretty well-defined lines? For instance, what if your mate’s friend hits on you? Would you tell?
Speaking from experience, I sang like a damn canary and would do it again. I don’t think there’s a type of person that I hate worse than a fake person. I think your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse has a right to know if their “friend” is making a pass at someone they’re with. They have a right to create distance and not trust their “friend.” They have a right to know what kind of person they have in their life. In my situation, I can’t remember how my boyfriend (at the time) handled it, but I figured that I would rather him hear it from me than the “friend” going back saying that I did something wrong. Did the “friend” get mad at me for spilling the tea? Probably, but did I give a damn? Not a chance.
What I learned from that situation is that I didn’t want to be around that person at all anymore, and being alone again with him was a negative. Most of the time, you learn who to trust in your friendships and relationships early. What we have to keep in mind is not to turn a blind eye to red signs. Whether you choose to tell your mate their so-called friend is foul, that’s your choice. But consider if it was on the other foot. Would you want to know?
Many women dream about their perfect wedding. I want my dress to look like this. I want the ceremony to look like this. Some started planning when they were little. But how many planned for after the wedding? Here are a few mistakes women make when planning for their future.
One… some women plan for the wedding, not the marriage. The wedding is one day, but marriage is for life. Once people realize this, the better off and less shell-shocked they’ll be.
Two… taking the Mrs. status literally. What I mean is feeling like you’ve accomplished something because you got married. There’s a difference between loving your husband and loving the fact that you’re married. Women like this lose themselves. They begin to live like that status makes them, which is very sad.
Three… some equate the size of the ring for love. Don’t be fooled ladies. You can get a twenty-carat rock on your ring finger and that will not make you any more married than a person who gets a half carat.
Four… you still think that it’s all about you. Once you’ve said “I Do,” you have entered into a partnership that lasts forever. For example, big money decisions should always be discussed with your spouse, as well as almost every other topic that you can think of. You’re in eternal “we” mode. Get used to it.
Five… drop your sense of self. Yes, you become one, but all of your free time doesn’t have to be with your new partner. Am I suggesting that you continue to hit up the clubs? Uh, no. Some things should be left in the singles lifestyle. But what I am saying is that it is okay to have you own hobbies and activities outside of your marriage. For instance, no need to drop your occasional dinner dates with your girls or trips to the mall. Don’t put your friendships on hold, but balance out your time away.
Could you have it all? Everything you ever wanted, all at the same time? Is it possible to have your dream job, a perfect marriage with mind blowing sex (and lots of love), the right amount of money to live comfortably (or the rich lifestyle, if that’s what you prefer), the perfect kids and house all at the same time?
The pessimist (or as I prefer to call it, realist) in me says no. For years, I was happy with my job, making a nice amount of money, and couldn’t find a decent man to date. It’s always everything BUT–something was always missing. Then there was another time, where I had a great relationship, no job and not much money, and situational depression. Was there ever a time in my life where I’ve had it all? Not a chance.
The optimist in my husband says yes, but with a twist. He believes that you can have all you want, all at the same time, but eventually what you want changes. For instance, say your goal is to buy a condo once you save up enough money and land that managerial position you’ve been patiently waiting on. Once you accomplish that goal, you formulate another goal or set of goals. You get everything you want until you want more or something different.
So what’s your take? Can you really have it all at the same time? Is it possible to be completely happy with who you are and what you have AND have all of what your heart desires all at one moment of time?