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Look At Me

binoculars Whether we care to admit or not, our dates, more often than not, display bad behavior early. Lying didn’t come out of the blue. Neither did his or her conniving ways. Now, what we choose to do with that bit of information is different. We either: a). encourage it by allowing it to happen without speaking up; b). correct it; or c). get ghost. For example, a girlfriend of mine a few years back told me that her date showed up at her house to pick her up and was late. What did she do? She opened the door and told him how disrespectful he was by showing up late, left him standing there, and went out with her girlfriends. So, here are some things that we either let slide, fix, or bust up.

 

– Tardiness

– Lying

– Always on the phone (talking and/or texting)

– Talking bad about your family and/or friends

– Verbally abusive or degrading

– Cheating

– Don’t listen

– Lack empathy

– Too busy

– Lack common sense or decency

 

I was always told that if you don’t like something that your boyfriend/girlfriend does while you’re dating, it’ll get ten times worse if you marry them. So think about your last date. What type of bad behavior did you or did you not put up with?

 

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My Child

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  It seems like more and more “parents” are hurting their children. I put parents in quotation marks because no real parent would purposely leave their child in a hot car with the windows up. No parent would throw their baby up against the wall. No parent would allow their child to sit on the roof of a moving car.

 

It sickens me to hear on a daily basis (it seems) how people are inventing new ways to hurt the children they brought into this world. They chose to bring them into the world. Is parenting easy? Hell no. Sometimes do you feel like smacking your child into next week? Of course. But what does a child have to do for you to do any of the examples above.

 

If you don’t want your child, either don’t have them in the first place or put them up for adoption. There are plenty of people who actually want to be parents, but for some reason or another cannot. Defenseless children do not deserve to be abused. Children look to their parents for guidance, love, and protection. What message are you sending out if you mistreat them?

 

Now granted, there’s a thin line between spanking and abuse, but parents should know the difference. A little discipline pop (not ‘splat’ or ‘boom’) won’t kill them. But if you ever get upset enough to the point where you might do more harm than good, then you might want to walk away for a little bit. I just can’t take another news story about a child being killed at the hands of their own parents because they didn’t want them, they were drunk, or they were tired. Don’t bring these babies into the world only to kill them.

One More Chance

sad  We all know that being a big name celebrity awards you with plenty of big time perks, such as endorsements, money thrown at you, groupies, and fancy extras (vacations, cars, houses, etc.). All comes with the territory, right? Something else that’s a big plus is their ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ cards. Yes, PLURAL. Celebrities get that preferential treatment in court when it comes to DUIs, hit and runs, battery- the works. But let me smack someone with a beer bottle ONCE. I would be charged with all kinds of battery, assault with a deadly weapon, public intoxication, and whatever else they could find. And to sweeten the pot, my ass would be under the jail! Depending on who I hit would determine how long I would go away for.

 

Here’s the thing. I have a problem when I see some of these celebs do things that are clearly not right and only get a slap on the wrist. If they are a repeat offender, they may even get sentenced to…WAIT FOR IT… a whole two hours in jail. How is this any type of punishment? How is this teaching them a lesson? And for the children that look up to some of these celeb jerks, what kind of message are they sending to them?

 

Let me take it a step further and address one celebrity in particular. Chris Brown. It is obvious that Chris Brown has issues with his anger.  I think that the judge may have done the right thing by sending him to jail. Only time will tell whether locking him up scared him straight or made him a better criminal. I’m hoping for the former. He is a talented individual and I hate to see yet another African American male be subjected to the penal system. Here’s my issue. Chris was given several chances to get his act together before he was taken into custody, but so have a lot of other celebrities. He’s not the only one that has a revolving door to the court house in his life, so what made him stand out? What about Lindsay Lohan? Yes, she’s been to jail, but not half as long as CB. What about Charlie Sheen? Khia (maybe she wouldn’t count as a real celebrity, but she has been arrested at least twenty times)? The Baldwin family? I might as well throw in the Lohan family since almost all of them have been arrested for something. And why is it that the drunk stars stay locked up only long enough to sober up for the night? I guess they won’t be taken seriously until they actually kill someone?

 

There are plenty of other celebrities that have had several brushes with the law that don’t see the inside of a prison. Should there be a limit to how many times you should visit the judge before punishment (besides a paying a fine)? Should there be other options besides  jail/prison? What are your thoughts?

It Depends

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????   When a rapist says, “She kept saying ‘no and stop’ but I just didn’t stop,” it should be an open and shut case, right? Slam dunk? Not always. SMH

 

I read an article the other day about a rapist getting an extremely lenient sentence based on the young lady’s sexual history. Apparently the judge thought the victim “wasn’t the victim she claimed to be.” Excuse me? Oh yeah, did I mention that she was fourteen at the time?

 

It sickens me to hear that you can get raped, and depending on whether or not you’ve had sex before or have been pregnant before, will depend on the perp’s sentence. In this case, the rapist admitted to raping her but still got probation and sentenced to work at a rape crisis center. Really?? So only virgins can be raped? Ever heard of spousal rape or date rape? If you have sex with someone and you say no the next time, does that not count?

 

The young lady said that she was a virgin. They also claimed that the girl had an abortion that she also denies. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter if she slept with a whole basketball team, including the bench riders. If she said ‘no’ and ‘stop,’ the prep needs to be punished accordingly, not the victim. And the punishment should definitely be more than probation. An injustice like this makes it that much harder for females to speak up. How are we supposed to trust the justice system if it discounts the wrongdoing against us and doesn’t protect us?

Would You Ever…

risk  When listening to the news or even just surfing the internet, you will come across some stories that seem so unbelievable that you will either be grossed out, it spurs conversation, or makes you feel really normal. So my question is, in the following situations, would you date this type/kind of person.

Would you ever date a person who…

– Cross dresses?

– Had a sex change (while you were with them)?

– Had a sex change (before you met)?

– Had a homosexual relationship/experience (if you are heterosexual)?

– Is a sexual predator?

– A drug abuser?

– A woman abuser?

– Has a sexually transmitted disease that you can’t get rid of?

– Is currently married?

– Abuses children?

Not Love

confused  After a few months of dating someone, you start to really put your feelings into perspective. Do I love him? Am I in love with her? Do I even still like them? Unless you’re in one of those ‘Just because’ relationships like I discussed before, you will have at least one of these type of conversations in your head or maybe even with your best friend. But, has there ever been a time when you’ve been totally confused? Well…here are some things to help you figure out whether you are being loved or you truly love someone.

– You have to fight to spend time with them= I don’t know what this would be called, but a person who truly loves you, hates for you to leave and looks forward to seeing you again. You make time for the person you love…period.

– You are still having sex with someone else= Even though this is a no brainer, I think it’s an important factor to list.

– They are following you (or vice versa)= And I don’t necessarily mean on Twitter. What I mean is, you’re working out and you look up and they’re staring at you from across the room.  They leave you notes on your car or in your mailbox. They know your every move. This is not love. This is an obsession or simply a crazy stalker.

– Control= When you feel the need to control a person, this isn’t love. It’s called insecurity. I’ve touched on this before, but I don’t mind repeating it. If you feel the need to control what a person does at every waking moment, maybe you’re in need of a child. A child needs guided structure because they don’t know any better, not adults.

– Unsupportive= If they are only by your side for your ups (ex. you won the lottery, got some free tickets to a game, got a raise) and vanish during your downs, the love isn’t there. Pay close attention to who’s there to bring you OJ and Tussin when you are too sick to go to work.

– Abusive= Abuse does not always have to be physical. There’s also emotional and psychological abuse. Regardless of what type you may be dishing or receiving…THIS IS NOT LOVE. A person who loves you would do anything to not cause you pain.

-Lack trust= No trust, no love. Just as simple as that.

– Doesn’t care= If you don’t care about a person’s well-being or being a part of their future, you don’t need a crystal ball to tell you that there’s no love in the cards for this relationship.

– Not a priority= This goes along with the first bullet point. If you would rather spend time with your boys/girls, or you attend events by yourself or take someone other than who you’re involved with, or you spend three or four days in a row not seeing or speaking to that person (and you haven’t been in a recent argument)…then you are not a priority to them and they do not love you.

Love is a tricky emotion that is not to be played with. The purpose of a soulmate is to find the one you love and deeply connect with. And if you are wasting your time on someone who doesn’t love you or vice versa, you’re preventing yourself from finding The One and true happiness.

It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye

   This is the third and final installment of the breakup series (if you missed the other two, check out “It’s Time” and “A Done Deal”).  There are times that call for a hasty breakup such as, someone cheating (especially repeatedly or passing you a STD), stealing from you, etc. But every now and then you get those semi-tricky situations that may cause you to rethink your decision to split. Below are the top three reasons breakups can be hard to do.

1. Long history: When you are with someone for five, ten years and you haven’t walked down the isle yet, you have put in a lot of work to keep your relationship. You have probably put up with a lot already and maybe holding out for a ring. Remaining in love with your partner will keep you grounded but possibly staying in a relationship that may or may not be healthy for you.

2. Children- ‘Staying for the children’ has been an excuse that has been used since time began. Of course it’s better raising children in a two parent home, but oftentimes staying has compromised a person’s happiness and sanity.

3. Abuse- In a previous blog, “When is Enough, Enough”, I talked about relationships that involve abuse. In the beginning of the relationship, the abuser is often a charmer; buying gifts, being really sweet, doing whatever it takes to appear to be the perfect woman/man. Rarely do the gloves come off early, but when they do, you’re already sucked in. You start thinking that it’s your fault for their behavior and making excuses for them. You’re in so deep that you’re almost brainwashed, and if you leave or even attempt, there will be serious consequences.

Deciding to break up with you partner can be tough to do for some and easier for others. Whichever category you fall in, make sure that your children’s best interests (if you have some) come first, and then your happiness and best interests come next. As always, if you have another situation where breaking up is hard to do, please feel free to share.

On a totally different note, have a blessed Thanksgiving:)