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Open Season

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  We all know what cheating is. And it’s something that’s frowned upon, but it still doesn’t deter a lot of people. But what about the gray areas? Here are some scenarios where some get confused (for whatever reason).

 

– Talking regularly and frequently on phone to the opposite sex. If you talk more to this person than your spouse, there’s a problem.

– Swapping nude photos. You must want something to go down.

– A lot of alone time with another man or woman, whether it’s at your house or theirs, or huddled up in the break room or cubicle. You look suspicious.

– Whispering or quickly walking away when you get a call. What are you saying that can’t be heard?

– Inappropriate touching. This needs no explanation whatsoever.

 

What would you add? Have you ever done these and were actually innocent? What about watching porn and masturbation? Would you consider those gray areas or cheating?

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Do Tell

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  For starters, let me begin by defining a couple things.

Friend= People you can count on and share your deepest and darkest secrets with without judgment.

Associate= People who you are cool with, may hang out with, but don’t talk to on a regular basis.

Frenemy= People who pretend to be your friend and are quick to throw you under the bus.

In high school, I learned the hard way the differences between these three types of people and it wasn’t hard to see who fit into which category. To me, it was cut and dry. But, what happens when people cross these pretty well-defined lines? For instance, what if your mate’s friend hits on you? Would you tell?

Speaking from experience, I sang like a damn canary and would do it again. I don’t think there’s a type of person that I hate worse than a fake person. I think your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse has a right to know if their “friend” is making a pass at someone they’re with. They have a right to create distance and not trust their “friend.” They have a right to know what kind of person they have in their life. In my situation, I can’t remember how my boyfriend (at the time) handled it, but I figured that I would rather him hear it from me than the “friend” going back saying that I did something wrong. Did the “friend” get mad at me for spilling the tea? Probably, but did I give a damn? Not a chance.

What I learned from that situation is that I didn’t want to be around that person at all anymore, and being alone again with him was a negative. Most of the time, you learn who to trust in your friendships and relationships early. What we have to keep in mind is not to turn a blind eye to red signs. Whether you choose to tell your mate their so-called friend is foul, that’s your choice. But consider if it was on the other foot. Would you want to know?

Look At Me

binoculars Whether we care to admit or not, our dates, more often than not, display bad behavior early. Lying didn’t come out of the blue. Neither did his or her conniving ways. Now, what we choose to do with that bit of information is different. We either: a). encourage it by allowing it to happen without speaking up; b). correct it; or c). get ghost. For example, a girlfriend of mine a few years back told me that her date showed up at her house to pick her up and was late. What did she do? She opened the door and told him how disrespectful he was by showing up late, left him standing there, and went out with her girlfriends. So, here are some things that we either let slide, fix, or bust up.

 

– Tardiness

– Lying

– Always on the phone (talking and/or texting)

– Talking bad about your family and/or friends

– Verbally abusive or degrading

– Cheating

– Don’t listen

– Lack empathy

– Too busy

– Lack common sense or decency

 

I was always told that if you don’t like something that your boyfriend/girlfriend does while you’re dating, it’ll get ten times worse if you marry them. So think about your last date. What type of bad behavior did you or did you not put up with?

 

I’m Sorry, Everyone

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Apologies can either be very sincere or very shady. Of course it depends on how you say it; are you speaking from the heart, is it something you were forced to say, etc. As you can see, there are a number of variables that are involved in whether a person can fully believe and accept your words. Nobody has probably learned that valuable lesson more than Robin Thicke. Believe me when I say that this blog is not to judge his character, but merely a question.

 

Robin Thicke has been going on stage crying and recently released a whole album dedicated to his wife as a way to get her back. Everyone makes mistakes and we can only speculate on what really made Paula Patton give him the boot. But, my question is this- What has he done in private to make it up to her? Sometimes, we as the public, don’t need to hear all of your business. Sometimes, we as women, don’t require our men to humiliate themselves in the public for us. Yes, if you do something stupid enough to lose us, you need to do something (a lot of something) to get us back, but where does one cross the line?

 

I hate to talk about their business like this, but I feel like I’m doing people (especially the fellas) a little favor. Sometimes going over the top and bringing other people into your home, so to speak, is not a meaningful way to apologize. In Robin’s case, this looks more like a manipulation attempt to get other people to feel sorry for him. Eventually people will say (if they haven’t already), ‘Paula, give that man another chance. He’s going around the world singing and crying over you.’ The ball is now in her court and their mess is now in the street.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, there has to be a happy medium here. Don’t just mutter an empty I’m sorry and think that all’s well with the world. And on the other hand, don’t do the Thicke plan and dedicate an album to someone who left you and promote it looking all pitiful. Should you ever end up in a similar situation, realize that a sincere apology takes a lot of time and effort. Trust doesn’t build overnight and your actions afterwards will be scrutinized, with good reason. What will you do to prove that you won’t make the same mistake twice? What happens if you do get your partner to come back, then what? What will it take to gain their trust again? Assess your own actions. What would you do if your partner did what you did? What would it take to get you back? Why do you need it to work? What will change?  At the end of the day, you have to know the person you’re with in order to “win your campaign.” Would your partner need you to get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness at home, require you to shout it from roof of a nearby tall building, or a handmade poem and flowers? Pushing the envelope and going through extreme efforts can backfire, so really consider what’s best for you and your boo- privately.

 

Friendly Skies

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Is there a such thing as being friends with your ex? Before you come up with an answer, I mean truly Just Friends. Not friends with benefits. Not cordial. I’m talking platonic friends. My answer is…Hell No! Let me explain why.

 

For starters, if you still have feelings for them, then that consequently takes you out of the platonic category. You can’t make objective decisions in regards to your “friend” when you used to date them and probably still wishing you could. In fact, you are also automatically cock blocking when ya’ll hang out. I bet you think that there’s nothing wrong with talking and laughing it up with your ex, but to an outsider, ya’ll look quite comfy and cozy. And very much together.

 

Another case in point, whatever you’re doing with your ex is holding you back from finding the person who was truly meant for you. If they’re an ex, then it wasn’t meant to be. There’s no need to keep holding on to them.

 

You may argue that you don’t have feelings, ya’ll still date other people, and nothing is going on behind closed doors, but I bet that one or both of you are holding on for different reasons. You might like that she’s comfortable and on the other hand, he’s waiting for ya’ll to hop back into bed. He might love your company in general, and you make sure that she’s not seeing anyone special. Whatever the case may be, it’s most likely not the best decision you’ve ever made.


Trust me about this. I’m speaking from experience. I had an ex that for 1). held on, and 2). I let him. I didn’t realize that I was blocking my blessings. Once I completely let go, I moved on and found a healthy relationship with the one I was meant to be with. See how this works out and falls into place?

Tell It

gossiping  If you’re like me, you like to stay to yourself and mind your business. I don’t like nosy people and I especially don’t like to butt into couples’ relationships. You will always have an opinion about someone else’s relationship, but you don’t know the ins and outs of what happens behind closed doors. Your judgment may also be cloudy when it comes to your friends and protecting their feelings and egos.

My question to you would be, what if you saw your friend’s significant other out with someone else- would you tell your friend? Here’s the thing. There are many different variables as to what would happen if you did or did not tell your friend what you saw. Below are some pros and cons. Anything missing?

PROS

+ You don’t want to see your friend hurt.

+ You truly believe that it would be better for them to know.

+ You know they don’t deserve to be cheated on because they are a good man/woman.

CONS

– What if the person is a family member and not random booty?

– What if you just started up some mess and what you saw wasn’t really them creepin’?

– What if you are friends with both parties and you feel like you have to choose sides? A monkey in the middle type of situation.

TOSS UP

= You don’t want to get involved.

Where do you stand?

The Guest List

cake  Weddings are (mostly) beautiful and intimate. But most of all, they are expensive. The last thing an engaged couple needs to worry about is inviting everybody and their mama- literally. Having been through the process recently, I’d like to give a little advice for those who are going through the process themselves. It can be overwhelming trying to figure out who stays on the list and who goes, but the following people should definitely not get a second thought. Here are the top five people to never invite to your wedding.

1. Your jealous friend or “frenemy”… if this is a fake friend or someone who is not truly happy for you taking this major step in your life, they don’t need to be a part of it. You need to reconsider the nature of your friendship and if this person deserves to be in your life.

2. Your ex… your past has no business being invited into your future. Period.

3. Someone you hardly know… this could be a long lost relative, a coworker, or someone you’ve only known for a month. You are paying for their plate of food. And for what?

4. A friend of a friend… you don’t even know them for real! You know them through someone else. How intimate is that?

5. Estranged parents… I understand that this may be harsh, but if your parent hasn’t been a parent and a part of your life, why would you include them in your special day? I’m not talking about you having a fight and you haven’t talked to your mom or dad in a week or two. I’m talking three plus years. They won’t be able to spot you on the street type of deal. You have to be selective in who’s involved in your special day, so save your uninvolved parent invite for a family reunion.