Archives

Does Size Really Matter?

Image   For starters, get your mind out of the gutter. I’m not even gonna go there with that touchy subject, but instead I’ll approach another. Ring size. Does how many carats in a ring determine what type of marriage you’ll have? Does it dictate what kind of man a woman is marrying (for example, cheap versus generous)? My answer is no to both and let me tell you why.

Of course most women want a big diamond. Nobody, and let me repeat, nobody is going to ask or secretly wish for a diamond that they cannot see. For one, bigger looks better. And two, bragging rights. Let me repeat, nobody is gonna want to show off a diamond that you need a magnifying glass to see. But here’s the thing. A piece of jewelry does not represent your marriage or what it could be. For example, Tom Cruise presented Katie Holmes with a five carat platinum ring which cost $275,000. Ben Affleck proposed to Jennifer Lopez with a six carat diamond that cost two million. We all know what happened in these two situations, but let me break it down. These guys spent beaucoup money on relationships that didn’t last more than eight years (combined). You cannot put more into an object than a lifelong partnership. Objects do not and cannot determine quality, which is the purpose of marriage not whose is biggest.

Style should be more or less judged more than money spent on a ring. If you know your partner well enough to marry them, then you should be able to pick out their taste. Fellas, I’m going to give you a huge suggestion when it comes to jewelry (maybe even clothes). If you don’t know her exact taste or if you picked something out that you’re unsure of, take a peek in her jewelry box or what she wears. Now granted you shouldn’t buy an exact replica, but simply a similar style.

How much money a man has does not make the man. You could be the richest man in the world and still be a jackass. Or you could be the poorest man in the world and have the most caring heart. Trust me, this article is not an out for men to go out and look for a two hundred dollar ring (before it went on sale) to propose with, but moreso this is an article to point out that money, status, and fanciness do not always produce happiness. It’s what you and your partner contribute to making your marriage work.

It’s Time

  I am long overdue for this… here comes a three-parter. This is a topic that we can all relate to at one time or another- break ups. We’re going to start this series off with knowing when to break off a relationship. Yes, break ups are hard to do (sometimes) and a lot of times, you have to really hit that point of no return before you can totally call it quits. But there are certain situations that make breaking up simple. Below are the top eight reasons why a couple should break up (not in any particular order). Feel free to add some of your own in the comments section.

1. Disrespect: This could come in all kind of forms ranging from putting your dirty feet on a table (with or without shoes on), to cussing you out, to cheating, to humiliating you in front of people, to staying out all night or coming in whenever.

2. Abuse: This is for either you (male or female) and/or your children. You need to get out, especially when children are involved because their safety comes first. You cannot imagine what children go through when they witness abuse or are abused themselves. So if there are any victims of domestic violence with children who are reading this, if you don’t do it for yourself, please do it for your children and get out!

3. Not in love/ No purpose: I’ve been in plenty of useless relationships. I know it sounds trifling, but there was a point in my life where I needed something to do. Did those relationships last? No. Some longer than others, but was I mentally or emotionally attached? Not a chance. You get to a point where you have to grow up and treat yourself better than that. If your relationship is not leading to something, then what is the purpose (unless you and your mate do not want to get married)?

4. You don’t like who you’re with: Now granted, there may be times where you don’t like each other, but if you don’t like your mate on ANY day of the week…there’s a problem.

5. More cons than pros: When you start feeling that itch to move on from a relationship, make a pros and cons list. If that list is twenty to one, favoring the cons…there’s a problem. And if those cons aren’t fixable, keep it pushing.

6. Lack of trust: When you lose trust, there’s no love. End of story.

7. Lack of appreciation: Everyone likes to feel appreciated and what’s wrong with letting that person know? The problem is sometimes we neglect to say or better yet show our appreciation to one another then we start taking them for granted or pushing them away. It’s the pushing away that makes it easier to leave.

8. Take advantage: Everybody has a part in a relationship, but if one person is doing their share and part of yours, why should they stay? I’m a firm believer in an equal partnership and if you can’t get with that, you’ve gotta go.

Here We Go…Again

  Relationships are often like a merry-go-round. You’re on it for a while, you take a break and get off, and some people get right back on. Is it normal to break up and go right back to your ex? Yes. Is it healthy? Most likely no. Will it work better the next time? Definitely no. Here’s the thing.

There’s got to be a reason you broke up in the first place. If it’s an easy fix, there was a break down in the communication somewhere for the problem not to be handled before you parted ways. Maybe your partner wanted a taste of the single life so that they could do their own thing without technically cheating. Whatever the case may be, look closely at the reason for the break up before you eagerly hop back on the ride.

Sometimes it’s not such an easy fix. You have children and joint assets are at stake. Maybe your partner cheated and you feel that the bond has permanently been broken. In this case, why hop back on? Many times your partner is playing games and wants to see how far (s)he can go, how much crap you’ll take, and to see if you’ll really be there in case they deliver the boot again.

I’ve seen it happen and I’ve had it happen. After a while you’ll get tired of riding, but how much of your life do you have to sacrifice and give up to make another person happy that doesn’t care as much as you? How many of your friends have to tell you to “move on or shut up”? Bottom line, if you go back, what’s the chance that whatever happened doesn’t happen again? And if it does, how much are you willing to tolerate?

On the other hand, I have never heard of a couple who have taken a break and come back fresh, or even come back. Taking a break is code for a certified break up, so my question is… is it worth it? If you are closing in on taking a break, is the relationship past fighting for? And why should you go back?

Break vs. break up… are either worth the trouble to get back into the relationship?