Archives

Open Season

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  We all know what cheating is. And it’s something that’s frowned upon, but it still doesn’t deter a lot of people. But what about the gray areas? Here are some scenarios where some get confused (for whatever reason).

 

– Talking regularly and frequently on phone to the opposite sex. If you talk more to this person than your spouse, there’s a problem.

– Swapping nude photos. You must want something to go down.

– A lot of alone time with another man or woman, whether it’s at your house or theirs, or huddled up in the break room or cubicle. You look suspicious.

– Whispering or quickly walking away when you get a call. What are you saying that can’t be heard?

– Inappropriate touching. This needs no explanation whatsoever.

 

What would you add? Have you ever done these and were actually innocent? What about watching porn and masturbation? Would you consider those gray areas or cheating?

Advertisements

Friendly Skies

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Is there a such thing as being friends with your ex? Before you come up with an answer, I mean truly Just Friends. Not friends with benefits. Not cordial. I’m talking platonic friends. My answer is…Hell No! Let me explain why.

 

For starters, if you still have feelings for them, then that consequently takes you out of the platonic category. You can’t make objective decisions in regards to your “friend” when you used to date them and probably still wishing you could. In fact, you are also automatically cock blocking when ya’ll hang out. I bet you think that there’s nothing wrong with talking and laughing it up with your ex, but to an outsider, ya’ll look quite comfy and cozy. And very much together.

 

Another case in point, whatever you’re doing with your ex is holding you back from finding the person who was truly meant for you. If they’re an ex, then it wasn’t meant to be. There’s no need to keep holding on to them.

 

You may argue that you don’t have feelings, ya’ll still date other people, and nothing is going on behind closed doors, but I bet that one or both of you are holding on for different reasons. You might like that she’s comfortable and on the other hand, he’s waiting for ya’ll to hop back into bed. He might love your company in general, and you make sure that she’s not seeing anyone special. Whatever the case may be, it’s most likely not the best decision you’ve ever made.


Trust me about this. I’m speaking from experience. I had an ex that for 1). held on, and 2). I let him. I didn’t realize that I was blocking my blessings. Once I completely let go, I moved on and found a healthy relationship with the one I was meant to be with. See how this works out and falls into place?

Is It?

cats  I read in an article yesterday about a question you shouldn’t ask your date, or should I say, the person you’re out with– “Is this a date?” One way to look at this is– if you really have to ask or think about it, then it probably isn’t. That’s a question that needs to be raised before your foot hits the pavement to go out. Where is this going? How do I feel about him/her? If the answers to any of these questions are negative, your best bet is that you aren’t on an official date.

Are there some gray areas? He’s feeling me, but it’s not mutual. He’s dating himself then. We really like each other, but we’re taking it slow. You’re getting to know each other, that’s not necessarily a date. Same pressure, but it’s just an outing. We’ve hung out for years. You don’t “date” for years. You’re either in a relationship for all that time or you’re not.

A “date” means that you are out with someone you share mutual feelings with (like or love). You also envision the date/dating going somewhere or having an overall purpose. Couples go out to explore their feelings for one another. If the couple decides to take it further, then they enter a relationship; if not, they stop the dating process.

“Just because,” “friends with benefits,” and hang out partners are not your dating partners, ladies and gentlemen. A one-sided equation or fake relationship doesn’t count.

Agree or disagree? Let’s hear your take on dating.

The Good Good

lips  Awe yeah! This is how we’re starting off the new year. SEX…LOVE…LOVING SEX…LOVING LOVE. Is there a difference between making love and sex? YES! Some prefer the quick and dirty. Others prefer to take their time and do it right. What does it depend on? The person? The timing? The place? All the above or none of the above?

Here are a few of the differences between making love and having sex.

1). Sex: You can have it with anyone; making love= it’s with someone special.

2). Sex: Can be meaningless; making love= meaningful.

3). Sex: Affects you physically; making love= affects you emotionally, physically, and perhaps even musically and spiritually.

4). Sex: Can be forgettable; making love= unforgettable.

5). Sex: Oftentimes without feeling; making love= intensely emotional.

6). Sex: Sometimes hurried; making love= you take your time.

7). Sex: There’s no time for passion; making love= you please every inch of your partner.

8). Making love= Long lasting foreplay; sex: kissing is the foreplay.

9). Making love= The goal is to please; sex: the goal is to get in and get out.

10). Making love= Sends a tingling feeling down your spine; sex: leaves you feeling like…when’s a good time to leave?

Don’t get me wrong, you can also have sex with a special person too. You can probably tell my preference between the two, but let me hear yours. Which do you prefer and why?

Sharing is Caring?

shh2  I love the phrase, “Sharing is caring,” but sometimes it should not be carried out. Of course you want to swap stories, share an appetizer, and maybe even clothes (some of you). But there are three things in particular that you should not share with friends (or even best friend).

1). Talk about sex: Sure sharing juicy details is very entertaining and sometimes fun, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. If you talk too much about how great it feels when he throws your leg up or she strokes you, then maybe they want to see for themselves. Sometimes less is better…and this is one of those times.

2). Your mate: I shouldn’t have to spell this out, and especially not why you shouldn’t share who you’re married to or in a relationship with. It’s trifling to mess with a friend’s mate, period.

3). Toys: And I’m not talking about Tonka. First of all, that’s gross. Secondly, it’s not sanitary. I can’t even see a scenario I would be in where this would even be a question, but hey, shit happens…with other people.

How did everything become sex related?? Definitely not on purpose. Is there anything else you would add to the list?

Always a Sign

thirsty  The older you get or once your friends get married, it often leaves single friends wanting a monogamous relationship even more. You may go out more. Ask a friend to hook you up. You may even dress up a little nicer. Normal, right? Yes. However, there are some things that are the total opposite of this. The correct term for this wack behavior is called: thirsty. Let me explain what I’m talking about by using examples.

* Your girlfriend calls to catch up after not talking for a while. You tell her what you’ve been up to- work is stressful, money is being stretched a little too thin, spouse is good, etc. Now it’s your girlfriend’s time to catch up and all she can talk about is her chasing after some man who doesn’t want her. There may be ONE line about work, but it’s usually, “Work is work” or “Work is good,” but then the next forty-five minutes is dedicated to a man who’s “just not that into you.” So thirsty– you just wanna hang on to whatever so you have something to talk about.

* A man continues to call a woman everyday who does not answer or call him back. Eventually, he becomes satisfied with listening to her voice on her voicemail. So thirsty. Next thing you know, he’ll go out and buy a blow up doll and tape your picture on the head.

* You think that every man or woman that passes by and smiles at you is interested. So thirsty.

* You want to get noticed by anyone. You may stick out your chest in a crowded room (if you’re a woman), speak loudly so the focus is on you at all times, etc. So thirsty.

* You call a family member or a friend to get in touch with someone you’re interested in…but they don’t respond to your advances, time and time again. So thirsty.

Whomp, whomp. Stop throwing yourself at people. It makes you look crazy and extra desperate. So unattractive.

Me Time

lotion  Years ago, I took a class in Marriage & Other Intimate Relationships. Being the lover that I am of psychology and sociology, I was drawn to learn what makes people tick and whatever else I could learn about relationships as a whole. One night in particular, we discussed an aspect of sexuality that I never saw as an issue. Masturbation.

The question was: Is it considered cheating if you masturbate while you’re in a monogamous relationship (I’m not counting dating, just committed relationships and married couples)?

My immediate response was no. I didn’t see what the big deal was and I still don’t. For example, say your partner is out of town and you’re feeling a little frisky. Should you wait until they come back or handle your business? Am I saying that whenever you feel the urge, you should go solo? No. You should always turn to your spouse first. All I’m saying is that I don’t think it’s wrong to take care of yourself from time to time.

There was one lady in my class that got really heated during the conversation. We didn’t go back and forth (she did that with someone else though), but we definitely didn’t see eye to eye. She saw it as cheating because “his sperm belonged to me.” Yes, she actually said that. She went on to say that her husband should only have sex with her and nothing or nobody else.

Like I said, I never saw it as a big thing, just as long as it’s not out of control or obsessive. What are your thoughts? Do you view masturbating as cheating?