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Does Size Really Matter?

Image   For starters, get your mind out of the gutter. I’m not even gonna go there with that touchy subject, but instead I’ll approach another. Ring size. Does how many carats in a ring determine what type of marriage you’ll have? Does it dictate what kind of man a woman is marrying (for example, cheap versus generous)? My answer is no to both and let me tell you why.

Of course most women want a big diamond. Nobody, and let me repeat, nobody is going to ask or secretly wish for a diamond that they cannot see. For one, bigger looks better. And two, bragging rights. Let me repeat, nobody is gonna want to show off a diamond that you need a magnifying glass to see. But here’s the thing. A piece of jewelry does not represent your marriage or what it could be. For example, Tom Cruise presented Katie Holmes with a five carat platinum ring which cost $275,000. Ben Affleck proposed to Jennifer Lopez with a six carat diamond that cost two million. We all know what happened in these two situations, but let me break it down. These guys spent beaucoup money on relationships that didn’t last more than eight years (combined). You cannot put more into an object than a lifelong partnership. Objects do not and cannot determine quality, which is the purpose of marriage not whose is biggest.

Style should be more or less judged more than money spent on a ring. If you know your partner well enough to marry them, then you should be able to pick out their taste. Fellas, I’m going to give you a huge suggestion when it comes to jewelry (maybe even clothes). If you don’t know her exact taste or if you picked something out that you’re unsure of, take a peek in her jewelry box or what she wears. Now granted you shouldn’t buy an exact replica, but simply a similar style.

How much money a man has does not make the man. You could be the richest man in the world and still be a jackass. Or you could be the poorest man in the world and have the most caring heart. Trust me, this article is not an out for men to go out and look for a two hundred dollar ring (before it went on sale) to propose with, but moreso this is an article to point out that money, status, and fanciness do not always produce happiness. It’s what you and your partner contribute to making your marriage work.

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Should I Tell?

couple2   You meet someone. You date. You decide to date exclusively. You have to have the big talk about sex. Should you or should you not talk about your sex history? Now I’m not talking about how many people you’ve bedded, or what so and so did that you really liked in bed. I’m talking about whether you’ve had STDs or not.

This is a serious subject. Now some people believe that the past is in the past and should stay there when you bring a new partner in to play. For the people that you go to bed with casually (meaning a noncommittal relationship, friends with benefits, or a one night stand type of relationship)- maybe you should tell or maybe not, depending on the type of relationship. If you currently have something, not only should you definitely tell, but you should…drumroll please…NOT have sex (no brainer right). But if it’s a one nighter, should you mention that you got burned twelve years ago? Maybe not.

For the person you are planning to settle down with- I believe that you should definitely tell. You should unquestionably be honest with someone who you are serious with. They need to know head on what they are getting themselves into. Keeping open communication in regards to this topic is essential since you will be putting someone’s life at risk once you decide to have sex.

What do you think? Leave it in the past? Mention it only to a spouse not girlfriends/boyfriends who won’t be around for long? Please share your thoughts.

The Spirit of Christmas

C  I started reflecting back to a conversation that I had with a girl friend of mine yesterday. We were talking about the holidays. How there’s a big build up and then let down once they’ve passed. How people measure their holidays by how big their gifts are. This type of behavior and/or thinking is what leads some to seasonal depression. But that’s not what Christmas is about. Christmas has been so commercialized that the spirit is definitely not where it should be. There are other ways to give and to still feel good about yourself while feeling that true Christmas spirit again.

-Give Love: Hugs, kisses, time, consideration, effort- all that wrapped up in a bow.

– Give to Others: Donate…time, clothes, money, whatever. There’s always someone who is worse off than you.

– Give homemade gifts: My girl friend mentioned this and I think that this is a great idea. Now, it doesn’t have to look mammy-made, but it does have to be creative and something that the person could truly cherish.

Now fellas, don’t go home telling your wife or girlfriend that Klove suggested that their gift should be a hug. That’s not where I’m going with this. What I’m saying is to give from the heart and those are the best gifts that can restore the spirit.

Simplicity

simple   Do most women like jewelry? Absolutely. Do most men like nice cars? Sure. But there are some things that don’t cost a thing but are very meaningful. It’s the simple things, ladies and gentlemen, that lets your mate know that you’re still interested, that you care and love them, and that is the glue that holds your relationship together. Below is a list of things that won’t lead you to the poor house and could bring a smile to your significant other’s face.

+ Smile- Seeing a smile on your loved one’s face is usually contagious (unless it looks sneaky). An easy way to brighten up your day.

+ Favorite picture- Another way to better your mood is to gaze at your favorite picture. Whether it’s a picture of you two together or even a picture of the sun setting over the ocean. Your favorite visions bring pleasant memories.

+ Hug and kiss- Sometimes there’s nothing better than coming home after a long day (or a rough day) and getting a bear hug and a nice kiss.

+ Doing something without being asked- Taking the initiative or doing something without being reminded or nagged about it is appreciative. There are some people who like to nag, but most people would rather not waste their breath reminding you over and over to do something. Please save your partner some time and energy by just taking care of it.

+Text- It used to be that you would send a Thinking of You card or letter. Now a simple, “I love you” or “Thinking of you” text would suffice.

+ Phone Call- Sometimes calling just to say hi or hearing your mate’s voice is just good enough.

+ Cleaning up after yourself- You won’t fully appreciate this one until you walk into an area that you just know is going to be messy and it’s not. Your boo did his/her part by handling their business. Bravo.

What are some of your simple things?

Real Love

  Do you believe in love at first sight? And I am talking love not lust. I have had this conversation with numerous people and I have maintained my position… absolutely not! Now granted, I am not here to tell you whether you should or should not believe in it, it’s just my opinion. In general, I think that ‘love at first sight’ is garbage. So, let me tell you why.

For starters, for lack of better terms, I “bloom” late. Meaning, I cannot and have not ever fallen in love within a month of time. I need to have known, been around, and dated you for months before I can even form those types of thoughts. Here, time is of the essence. I need that time to build feelings, to build trust, and to build a relationship. With ‘love at first sight’, there’s literally no time to get to know a person. You could be locking eyes with a serial killer, but guess what? You didn’t take that time to get to know his homicidal tendencies.

Next, let’s look at “the look.” When you are giving someone “the eye”, it does not automatically mean, “I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life.” Please. That look means,’ I’m interested. Come over here and talk to me.” The only time when that look means more is in the movies or on television. How many times have you seen a character’s eyes bug out as huge red hearts with their mouths gaped open? So for the people who actually believe in this, is that how ya’ll really look? I’m just curious.

And lastly, there are times when your mind separates from your actions and your heart. For example, your mind says no, your heart is indecisive, and your body allows you to go home with a stranger since you’re feeling frisky. So in this case, how can you tell wholeheartedly that you are truly feeling love and not lust when you see the man or woman of your dreams (or so you think)? What if you begin dating the person you supposedly fell in love with and find out that they are married, they are really ugly inside, they are abusive (abusers are charmers), and so on. Then what? Would you stay because you fell in love? “He or she was so perfect, what happened?” Or would you doubt that your original feelings were really love?

I would like to take the time to invite all of the readers who truly believe in love at first sight to share why they believe in it. C’mon…don’t be shy;)

Why Is It So Difficult?

   Why is it so hard for people to make friends after college? Is it because we like our close knit childhood friends better than meeting new people? We get comfortable and can’t even picture someone taking their place. Are we too afraid to let people in? Some people get territorial. They believe that they can only have one best friend or maybe just a few and that’s enough. Years ago, I read something that stated that on average, people have three close friends. Now granted, I don’t know if they specifically meant three same sex friends or not, but think about it. When you hear the word ‘friend’ do you have at least three people who automatically pop into your mind? I think that that writer may have been onto something.

Can we not make new friends because we don’t get out much? You seriously have to be involved in something to meet a new friend. Whether it be school, work, church, gym, etc. Not only are you two involved in the same activity, but you also have to strike up quite a few conversations in order to maintain contact and develop something. You can’t just meet someone that day and say, ‘Yeah, let’s exchange numbers so we can hang out this weekend.” Um…no. I don’t know you and I’m not handing out my number to strangers.

So, what are you missing when you close your mind off to meeting new potential friends? You miss living your life. Sometimes friends are only there for a season or a certain part of your life. For example, sometimes you lose touch after you move away from them. You need to have that option of going out with someone, talking to them for hours about your issues, or crying on their shoulder. For guys, you need someone to watch the game with or hook you up with their girlfriend’s friend.

You also miss out on sharing a part of yourself and vice versa. Maybe you never thought someone could ever understand what you’re going through, until you meet your new friend who either embarks on the same journey or has someone close who has. Sometimes it feels so good to unleash your deepest feelings and secrets to someone without them judging you. Now granted, I wouldn’t suggest this at the beginning of a new friendship, but only when they have become a good friend. All in all, I think that we should all try to open our minds and our hearts to the possibility of a great friendship developing. Even though you may have three true best friends, there’s still room for plain ole friends.

What If?

  Continuing on with the friendship theme for the month of September, I decided for this blog I would strike up some meaningful conversation through some thought provoking questions. Think about these and feel free to post some answers.

1. What if you had a friend who questions your parenting skills/style?

2. What if your friend steals from you?

3. What if your friend needs a kidney or some other kind of transplant?

4. What if your friend slept with your spouse?

5. What if your friend was homicidal or suicidal?

6. What if your friend was into heavy drugs or alcohol?

7. What if your friend constantly copies your style (ex. the way you dress, look, talk, etc.)?

8. What if your friend tries to deliberately sabotage your relationship?

9. What if your friend hates your fiancee or spouse?

10. What if your friend wanted to date someone in your family?

11. What if your friend doesn’t believe in God (or the same God) or have the same values as you?

12. What if your friend becomes best friends with your archenemy?

Are any of these “dealbreakers” for you?