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I’m On My Grown Man

grown  Does age really determine maturity? For instance, if a boy turns eighteen, is he automatically a man? What about twenty-one? What if you are fifty and you don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of… are you still grown?

Personally, I think the term is thrown around a little too carelessly. I don’t think age should determine your “grown man” status, I think it should be your maturity level and what you do with your life. Whether your priorities are straight or not. For example, if you put rims on your car and still live in your mother’s basement, you’re not grown. If you use grocery money to buy a pair of shoes or to get a mani-pedi, guess what?

So what exactly does being ‘grown’ mean? Paying your bills on time. Owning something (real estate/land, business). Taking care of your business (before pleasure). Taking care of your children (first). To me, if you turn eighteen or twenty-one, that doesn’t automatically make you grown. Yes, you are legal, but unless you are taking care of yourself financially and physically, you are not as grown as you think you are. Who cares how much money, cars, jewelry, or clothes you have. The question is, do you have enough to provide for yourself and child(ren)? Do you have enough for your mortgage or rent? How much do you have in your savings account? Do you report to work everyday on time (and actually work)?

Ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately we live in a society where standards are extremely low. Women, we rely on men to take care of us and when we come up short, accept any ol’ thing just to have a warm body laying next to us at night. We deserve better than that. Take care of yourselves and learn how to be independent. When a man worthy of your time comes around, then you may step aside and let him be a man.  Men, some of you have have lost your damn mind and want a woman to take care of you like your mama. You are supposed to protect and provide, like Steve Harvey says. Stand on your own two feet and stop allowing (or should I say ‘expecting’) women to provide for you. Man up and get your grown man on.

I’m Sorry, Everyone

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Apologies can either be very sincere or very shady. Of course it depends on how you say it; are you speaking from the heart, is it something you were forced to say, etc. As you can see, there are a number of variables that are involved in whether a person can fully believe and accept your words. Nobody has probably learned that valuable lesson more than Robin Thicke. Believe me when I say that this blog is not to judge his character, but merely a question.

 

Robin Thicke has been going on stage crying and recently released a whole album dedicated to his wife as a way to get her back. Everyone makes mistakes and we can only speculate on what really made Paula Patton give him the boot. But, my question is this- What has he done in private to make it up to her? Sometimes, we as the public, don’t need to hear all of your business. Sometimes, we as women, don’t require our men to humiliate themselves in the public for us. Yes, if you do something stupid enough to lose us, you need to do something (a lot of something) to get us back, but where does one cross the line?

 

I hate to talk about their business like this, but I feel like I’m doing people (especially the fellas) a little favor. Sometimes going over the top and bringing other people into your home, so to speak, is not a meaningful way to apologize. In Robin’s case, this looks more like a manipulation attempt to get other people to feel sorry for him. Eventually people will say (if they haven’t already), ‘Paula, give that man another chance. He’s going around the world singing and crying over you.’ The ball is now in her court and their mess is now in the street.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, there has to be a happy medium here. Don’t just mutter an empty I’m sorry and think that all’s well with the world. And on the other hand, don’t do the Thicke plan and dedicate an album to someone who left you and promote it looking all pitiful. Should you ever end up in a similar situation, realize that a sincere apology takes a lot of time and effort. Trust doesn’t build overnight and your actions afterwards will be scrutinized, with good reason. What will you do to prove that you won’t make the same mistake twice? What happens if you do get your partner to come back, then what? What will it take to gain their trust again? Assess your own actions. What would you do if your partner did what you did? What would it take to get you back? Why do you need it to work? What will change?  At the end of the day, you have to know the person you’re with in order to “win your campaign.” Would your partner need you to get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness at home, require you to shout it from roof of a nearby tall building, or a handmade poem and flowers? Pushing the envelope and going through extreme efforts can backfire, so really consider what’s best for you and your boo- privately.

 

One More Chance

sad  We all know that being a big name celebrity awards you with plenty of big time perks, such as endorsements, money thrown at you, groupies, and fancy extras (vacations, cars, houses, etc.). All comes with the territory, right? Something else that’s a big plus is their ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ cards. Yes, PLURAL. Celebrities get that preferential treatment in court when it comes to DUIs, hit and runs, battery- the works. But let me smack someone with a beer bottle ONCE. I would be charged with all kinds of battery, assault with a deadly weapon, public intoxication, and whatever else they could find. And to sweeten the pot, my ass would be under the jail! Depending on who I hit would determine how long I would go away for.

 

Here’s the thing. I have a problem when I see some of these celebs do things that are clearly not right and only get a slap on the wrist. If they are a repeat offender, they may even get sentenced to…WAIT FOR IT… a whole two hours in jail. How is this any type of punishment? How is this teaching them a lesson? And for the children that look up to some of these celeb jerks, what kind of message are they sending to them?

 

Let me take it a step further and address one celebrity in particular. Chris Brown. It is obvious that Chris Brown has issues with his anger.  I think that the judge may have done the right thing by sending him to jail. Only time will tell whether locking him up scared him straight or made him a better criminal. I’m hoping for the former. He is a talented individual and I hate to see yet another African American male be subjected to the penal system. Here’s my issue. Chris was given several chances to get his act together before he was taken into custody, but so have a lot of other celebrities. He’s not the only one that has a revolving door to the court house in his life, so what made him stand out? What about Lindsay Lohan? Yes, she’s been to jail, but not half as long as CB. What about Charlie Sheen? Khia (maybe she wouldn’t count as a real celebrity, but she has been arrested at least twenty times)? The Baldwin family? I might as well throw in the Lohan family since almost all of them have been arrested for something. And why is it that the drunk stars stay locked up only long enough to sober up for the night? I guess they won’t be taken seriously until they actually kill someone?

 

There are plenty of other celebrities that have had several brushes with the law that don’t see the inside of a prison. Should there be a limit to how many times you should visit the judge before punishment (besides a paying a fine)? Should there be other options besides  jail/prison? What are your thoughts?