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Dumb Love

roses  I was one of those people who judged Karrueche Tran. I never even heard of her before last year or so, but I (like millions of others– whether we wanted to or not) watched her relationship with Chris Brown play out through the news and social media. Their off and on relationship resembled a broken record. It wasn’t until today that I reached an understanding and feel some sort of genuine sympathy for her.

I was in a similar situation over a decade ago, which I would call the ‘First Love Blues.’ No, I wasn’t abused (and he didn’t have a record of abusing women), and as far as I know, he didn’t have a child during our tenure, but our relationship was like a revolving door. We would be together for a while and everything was peachy, then we would break up, and shortly after that we would get back together. My broken record lasted for about five years and I truly apologize to my friends for having to go through this nightmare with me.

It’s something about that first love. That is your first ride-or-die relationship and one of the most unhealthy ones as well. This is the one where you make excuses for why your mate did what they did; “He just didn’t call me today (or back) because he was busy.” This is the one where they could damn near do or say anything to you and it was okay because you were blinded by love. You may even know that your relationship is toxic, but you’re still drawn to that person. You try to save them, but you can’t. You try to save the relationship, but you realize that you’re the only one that’s trying, and if something happens, they know that you’ll still be right there.

I watched bits and pieces of the trailer to Karrueche Tran’s “Fix My Life.” She admitted to wanting him back “if he changed” and stated that she would wait. To me, this is foolish, but if this is her first love it makes sense, and if she hasn’t reached her breaking point, it makes sense. Until you reach that point where you are totally done and no piece of jewelry, vacation, or question can lure you back in, you too would stay on the roller coaster of hell. The only way to describe the feeling after you release your burden is liberation. For her sake, I hope that she is able to reach that point soon before something terrible happens (ex. have his child, get married). And I hope she realizes that he has to want to change. Sending prayers her way.

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The Twilight Zone

door  Chris Rock said it best years ago. No man wants to be put in the ‘friends zone.’ Fellas, let me explain a little bit about this infamous friend zone. There are a few ways that you can fall into this category (they are listed in no particular order).

1. You aren’t sexually appealing. Pretty much self-explanatory. If you’re not attractive to her, there’s no other category for you, except for not being in the picture at all.

2. You were bullshitting. Instead of cutting you totally off, you were put on the sidelines for your lack of interest and/or effort (ex. dragging your feet or moving at a snail’s pace). You ought to be glad you’re still somewhat relevant.

3. You have nothing to offer. Women want an upgrade. So if you don’t have anything to bring to the table, then you serve absolutely no purpose.

4. You tried it, but the shit was wack…. .

5. She met someone else who was taken seriously and now they are in a serious relationship.

And last but not least…

6. You are truly a genuine friend. Congrats, you’re not being punished.

Now it could go the same way for the ladies, but fellas, hit me up and let me know. Ladies, did I miss anything?

Open Season

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  We all know what cheating is. And it’s something that’s frowned upon, but it still doesn’t deter a lot of people. But what about the gray areas? Here are some scenarios where some get confused (for whatever reason).

 

– Talking regularly and frequently on phone to the opposite sex. If you talk more to this person than your spouse, there’s a problem.

– Swapping nude photos. You must want something to go down.

– A lot of alone time with another man or woman, whether it’s at your house or theirs, or huddled up in the break room or cubicle. You look suspicious.

– Whispering or quickly walking away when you get a call. What are you saying that can’t be heard?

– Inappropriate touching. This needs no explanation whatsoever.

 

What would you add? Have you ever done these and were actually innocent? What about watching porn and masturbation? Would you consider those gray areas or cheating?

Hello Sir

confident woman  Should women ever pursue a man?

If a woman pursues…

This isn’t the early 1900s and chivalry is damn near dead. If a woman sees someone that piques their interest, why shouldn’t they ask them out? There are some outspoken, powerful, confident, sexy women who will boldly go after what they want. And why not? Some will perceive these women as manly or desperate, others will view them as forward or brazen.

If a woman doesn’t pursue…

Some believe that men should be the pursuers. It’s the man’s job to go after the woman he wants. But what if the woman attracts someone she doesn’t want or lets a man slip through her fingertips because she was waiting to be approached? Some believe that women who don’t go after what they want are timid or can’t speak up for themselves.

Depending on how you look at it, this is almost a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. A woman could be looked at in a negative light either way. Thing is, times have changed, so must our thinking. Whoever pursues who doesn’t matter any more (as long as it’s in a respectful way, of course). There’s nothing wrong with striking up a conversation with a person you find attractive and want to get to know, right?

An Open Letter to My Son

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Dear Unborn Son,

I’ve been so blessed to have you in my life. You have brought a love and joy to me that I have never felt before.

There are some things that I need to explain to you. You will experience unconditional love here at home, however, beyond these walls, you will have a totally different experience. As a man of color, you will experience many difficulties. You won’t be treated like the prince that you are, instead, you will feel the need to have to prove that you’re worthy. It’s unfortunate, but it’s reality. Your family loves you, but keep in mind, other people won’t because of your skin color.

Baby Boy, I feel sorry for you, but I applaud you. I know that you won’t let other people put you down. You’ll be ambitious, full of hopes, dreams, and accomplishments. You’ll hold your head high and become whatever you put your mind to. I know you will be a king to the right queen and eventually become a wonderful father, following in your father’s footsteps, of course.

Stay strong. I love you more than words can ever describe.

 

Love,

Your mother

Tears of Joy

sunset2  There comes a time when all of the negativity from your life simply disappears and happiness creeps in with a vengeance.

+ Win first place (or even just place)

+ Graduation

+ Birth of a child

+ Wedding

+ See the light at the end of the tunnel after a struggle

+ Visit a friend or family member after you haven’t seen them in a long time

+ Completion

+ Newness (ex. new house, job, etc.)

+ Closure

+ Peace

+ Family and true friends

+ Realizing how blessed you are

If the World was Mine

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Could you have it all? Everything you ever wanted, all at the same time? Is it possible to have your dream job, a perfect marriage with mind blowing sex (and lots of love), the right amount of money to live comfortably (or the rich lifestyle, if that’s what you prefer), the perfect kids and house all at the same time?

The pessimist (or as I prefer to call it, realist) in me says no. For years, I was happy with my job, making a nice amount of money, and couldn’t find a decent man to date. It’s always everything BUT–something was always missing. Then there was another time, where I had a great relationship, no job and not much money, and situational depression. Was there ever a time in my life where I’ve had it all? Not a chance.

The optimist in my husband says yes, but with a twist. He believes that you can have all you want, all at the same time, but eventually what you want changes. For instance, say your goal is to buy a condo once you save up enough money and land that managerial position you’ve been patiently waiting on. Once you accomplish that goal, you formulate another goal or set of goals. You get everything you want until you want more or something different.

So what’s your take? Can you really have it all at the same time? Is it possible to be completely happy with who you are and what you have AND have all of what your heart desires all at one moment of time?