Tag Archive | Advice

All in a Name

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  A few weeks ago, D.L. Hughley posed a question to his radio audience about children’s names in relation to them being able to get a job. Back when I was growing up, we had the La, Na, and Ta names. Nowadays, that seems so amateur. Children’s names have some kind of apostrophe or dash somewhere, not to mention extra letters to make the name seem cute. Original? Unique? Guess what… it’s not. Having children not being able to spell their own name until they are seven years old is not attractive, neither is having names that don’t phonetically make sense. What’s next, the use of ! and *??

Are parents setting their children up for failure? Absolutely. Do I believe that they do it on purpose? Not really. But think about it. What boss wants to get handed a resume with a name like Quiwanna or Seantavious on it? How about a teacher calling on a new student with the name Ajoyishallbe or Apple (and no, celebrities aren’t off the hook on this one)? You think they won’t get picked on in school? You think they are destined to be the next CEO in a Fortune 500 company? Please welcome, President Chip Dip Jones! Not happening.

Is it possible to be unique without being ridiculous? Yes, so please give your child a chance. All kids are special. They just don’t need to stick out for the wrong reason.

What interesting names have you encountered?

An Open Letter to My Son

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Dear Unborn Son,

I’ve been so blessed to have you in my life. You have brought a love and joy to me that I have never felt before.

There are some things that I need to explain to you. You will experience unconditional love here at home, however, beyond these walls, you will have a totally different experience. As a man of color, you will experience many difficulties. You won’t be treated like the prince that you are, instead, you will feel the need to have to prove that you’re worthy. It’s unfortunate, but it’s reality. Your family loves you, but keep in mind, other people won’t because of your skin color.

Baby Boy, I feel sorry for you, but I applaud you. I know that you won’t let other people put you down. You’ll be ambitious, full of hopes, dreams, and accomplishments. You’ll hold your head high and become whatever you put your mind to. I know you will be a king to the right queen and eventually become a wonderful father, following in your father’s footsteps, of course.

Stay strong. I love you more than words can ever describe.

 

Love,

Your mother

An Open Letter to My Daughter

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Dear Unborn Daughter,

You are the most precious gift that I could be blessed with and I am so honored to be your mother. As a true mother, like my mother is to me, I will be with you every step of the way.

There are some things that I would like to share with you. I hate to disappoint you so early in life, but you have to know the truth. People, me included, thought that the world was going to be such a better place to live in once the new millennium hit (after some realized that it indeed was NOT going to end). We would all live in peace and harmony, everyone would be equal, this and this would be different, etc. Welp, I’m sorry to inform you, baby girl, but it’s not. We lied to ourselves; continuously and consistently.

In some ways we have gone backwards and some forwards. For instance, you don’t have but a couple (literally) celebrity role models. If you turn on the TV, you see women screaming at each other and throwing drinks or fists. In music, the women compete over who has the least amount of clothes and no talent. For role models, you’ll only have to look inside your space- our house, your grandparent’s houses, and extended family’s. I must warn you, all humans make mistakes, including your role models, but best believe that we would do nothing to harm you or steer you wrong in any way.

One way in which we have moved forward is technology. You are blessed to have a tech geek as a father who is more than happy to get you any and every type of thing that either has buttons or a touch screen. But, don’t go overboard on it. Know that I would rather see you than Skype, talk to you than text, read to you with real books than with the swipe of a finger.

From this moment on, you will consider yourself a treasure and demand people to treat you that way based on the way that you carry yourself. Am I saying that you should be Boigie or stuck up? No, but you should instead exert enough confidence and love for yourself that will make people, including yourself, respect you.

I love you more than anything in this world, and I vow from now on to care for you to the best of my ability and beyond.

 

Love,

Your mother

Tha Mrs.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Many women dream about their perfect wedding. I want my dress to look like this. I want the ceremony to look like this. Some started planning when they were little. But how many planned for after the wedding? Here are a few mistakes women make when planning for their future.

One… some women plan for the wedding, not the marriage. The wedding is one day, but marriage is for life. Once people realize this, the better off and less shell-shocked they’ll be.

Two… taking the Mrs. status literally. What I mean is feeling like you’ve accomplished something because you got married. There’s a difference between loving your husband and loving the fact that you’re married. Women like this lose themselves. They begin to live like that status makes them, which is very sad.

Three… some equate the size of the ring for love. Don’t be fooled ladies. You can get a twenty-carat rock on your ring finger and that will not make you any more married than a person who gets a half carat.

Four… you still think that it’s all about you. Once you’ve said “I Do,” you have entered into a partnership that lasts forever. For example, big money decisions should always be discussed with your spouse, as well as almost every other topic that you can think of. You’re in eternal “we” mode. Get used to it.

Five… drop your sense of self. Yes, you become one, but all of your free time doesn’t have to be with your new partner. Am I suggesting that you continue to hit up the clubs? Uh, no. Some things should be left in the singles lifestyle. But what I am saying is that it is okay to have you own hobbies and activities outside of your marriage. For instance, no need to drop your occasional dinner dates with your girls or trips to the mall. Don’t put your friendships on hold, but balance out your time away.

Good luck!

PSA

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Ladies and gentlemen: This is a public service announcement. Please listen closely.

 

First, if you are going slow in fast lane and someone behind you wants to pass, just get over. Not now, but right now. It doesn’t make you a weak man or woman. It’s simply the rules of the road.

Second, if you are doing fifty and below (or sixty-five and below in Michigan) in the slow lane, exit stage left. You don’t need to be on the highway. Get off now.

Third, if you cut a person off, you are inviting the person you disrespected a Ride-My-Ass free card. You gave them permission to do that, so get over yourself.

Fourth, if you are riding someone for no reason except for boundaries issues, then you have given that person the right to slow down to twenty-five and free reign to stop whenever they choose to.

Fifth, blinkers are our friends. It would be best for all parties on the road if these are used as often as possible.

Sixth, if there is a turn lane…it should be used. Turning left from the right lane is an accident waiting to happen– all day every day.

Seventh, it’s best for everyone on the road that you look before you change lanes. A thought turning into an immediate action is not always welcome.

Eighth, switching lanes at the same time the person behind you is, is downright annoying. It’s not a race. Stay in your lane and take turns, kay?

 

That is all.

I’m On My Grown Man

grown  Does age really determine maturity? For instance, if a boy turns eighteen, is he automatically a man? What about twenty-one? What if you are fifty and you don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of… are you still grown?

Personally, I think the term is thrown around a little too carelessly. I don’t think age should determine your “grown man” status, I think it should be your maturity level and what you do with your life. Whether your priorities are straight or not. For example, if you put rims on your car and still live in your mother’s basement, you’re not grown. If you use grocery money to buy a pair of shoes or to get a mani-pedi, guess what?

So what exactly does being ‘grown’ mean? Paying your bills on time. Owning something (real estate/land, business). Taking care of your business (before pleasure). Taking care of your children (first). To me, if you turn eighteen or twenty-one, that doesn’t automatically make you grown. Yes, you are legal, but unless you are taking care of yourself financially and physically, you are not as grown as you think you are. Who cares how much money, cars, jewelry, or clothes you have. The question is, do you have enough to provide for yourself and child(ren)? Do you have enough for your mortgage or rent? How much do you have in your savings account? Do you report to work everyday on time (and actually work)?

Ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately we live in a society where standards are extremely low. Women, we rely on men to take care of us and when we come up short, accept any ol’ thing just to have a warm body laying next to us at night. We deserve better than that. Take care of yourselves and learn how to be independent. When a man worthy of your time comes around, then you may step aside and let him be a man.  Men, some of you have have lost your damn mind and want a woman to take care of you like your mama. You are supposed to protect and provide, like Steve Harvey says. Stand on your own two feet and stop allowing (or should I say ‘expecting’) women to provide for you. Man up and get your grown man on.

You Don’t Understand

half  In the wake of Robin Williams’ death, there have been some comments made about suicide that some people just don’t understand. What many don’t get is that depression is a serious illness. It’s not something that you can just turn off and on when it’s convenient for you. It’s not something that you can just snap out of because somebody tells you to be happy. It is a mental illness.

 

Not all people with depression are suicidal. Suicide is not a requirement of depression, it’s a symptom. A person could be depressed but not think about killing themselves. They have feelings of things not being worth it (for example, not getting out of the bed, eating or planning for the future), hopelessness, negative thoughts about themselves, no energy, and so forth. A person who is truly depressed can feel all thirteen or so odd symptoms, or as little as three. If you do experience these things, don’t wait to get help assuming that it’ll work itself out or get better.

 

There are different types of depression, such as situational, atypical, seasonal affective, bipolar, major/clinical, psychotic, and a few others. Not all have the same symptoms. Not all sufferers attempt suicide or have suicidal thoughts. The one thing that I will say about suicide, in relation to those who suffer from depression, is that those who attempt or succeed are not selfish. These people have their reasons for doing it, but I guarantee one of those reasons is that they believe that they are much better off dead. My question is this… would you consider yourself selfish if you knew that I was suffering but you wanted me to live anyways?

 

What you don’t understand is that you don’t truly know what a person is going through when they make an attempt on their life. The constant negative thoughts they deal with in their heads and how they interpret the world is something we could never understand. It’s obvious that the cons outweigh the pros. But accusing those who commit suicide with a mental illness is a low blow. There is always a reason; just because we can’t see it, doesn’t mean that it’s not there.