Tag Archive | Apology

I’m Sorry, Everyone

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Apologies can either be very sincere or very shady. Of course it depends on how you say it; are you speaking from the heart, is it something you were forced to say, etc. As you can see, there are a number of variables that are involved in whether a person can fully believe and accept your words. Nobody has probably learned that valuable lesson more than Robin Thicke. Believe me when I say that this blog is not to judge his character, but merely a question.

 

Robin Thicke has been going on stage crying and recently released a whole album dedicated to his wife as a way to get her back. Everyone makes mistakes and we can only speculate on what really made Paula Patton give him the boot. But, my question is this- What has he done in private to make it up to her? Sometimes, we as the public, don’t need to hear all of your business. Sometimes, we as women, don’t require our men to humiliate themselves in the public for us. Yes, if you do something stupid enough to lose us, you need to do something (a lot of something) to get us back, but where does one cross the line?

 

I hate to talk about their business like this, but I feel like I’m doing people (especially the fellas) a little favor. Sometimes going over the top and bringing other people into your home, so to speak, is not a meaningful way to apologize. In Robin’s case, this looks more like a manipulation attempt to get other people to feel sorry for him. Eventually people will say (if they haven’t already), ‘Paula, give that man another chance. He’s going around the world singing and crying over you.’ The ball is now in her court and their mess is now in the street.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, there has to be a happy medium here. Don’t just mutter an empty I’m sorry and think that all’s well with the world. And on the other hand, don’t do the Thicke plan and dedicate an album to someone who left you and promote it looking all pitiful. Should you ever end up in a similar situation, realize that a sincere apology takes a lot of time and effort. Trust doesn’t build overnight and your actions afterwards will be scrutinized, with good reason. What will you do to prove that you won’t make the same mistake twice? What happens if you do get your partner to come back, then what? What will it take to gain their trust again? Assess your own actions. What would you do if your partner did what you did? What would it take to get you back? Why do you need it to work? What will change?  At the end of the day, you have to know the person you’re with in order to “win your campaign.” Would your partner need you to get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness at home, require you to shout it from roof of a nearby tall building, or a handmade poem and flowers? Pushing the envelope and going through extreme efforts can backfire, so really consider what’s best for you and your boo- privately.

 

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Those 3 Little Words

closed mouth  When you’re little, it was so much easier to say those three words. Why? Because it was what you were supposed to say or sometimes even forced to say in order to rectify a situation. You break something- “Sorry.” You slap somebody (accident or not)- “Sorry.” You hurt someone’s feelings- “Sorry.” And everything goes back to normal and the situation is solved.

As you mature, “Sorry” just doesn’t cut it. First of all, if you’re grown and are still handing out meaningless ‘Sorrys,’ then that’s all they are…meaningless. What hurts more- hurt feelings or hurt feelings with a side of a fake apology? Those three little words, ‘I am sorry,’ are very powerful, when they are used in a genuine way.  They are also one of the hardest three words to say. Part of the reason is because you are either admitting guilt or admitting that you were wrong. And who really wants to do that?

What makes an apology truly genuine is the manner in which you say it. I learned years ago that the majority of communication is the way you say something. For instance, I bump you, and as I keep walking, snap and say ‘sorry’ while I’m also holding a phone up to my ear. Would you take me seriously? What about if I bump you and stop, put the phone down at my side, look you in the eye and say, “I’m sorry. Are you okay?” What’s the difference? Let’s start with body language. You look the person in the eye and face them in order to effectively communicate. As you face the other person, you aren’t distracting yourself with the phone, your grocery list, or anything else. You focus. Verbally, don’t just throw out a ‘Sorry,’ because that really tells me nothing. When you take the time to tell me why you are apologizing, then I will listen and take the conversation seriously. “I am really sorry. I didn’t mean to bump you, but I wasn’t paying attention and I was in a hurry. My fault.” One last pointer, an apology plus a dig at the other person does not make it genuine…it makes you an ass. Don’t say, “I’m sorry for not paying you back on time. I would’ve given you the money back quicker if you weren’t such a nag.” I no longer accept your apology.

Manners go a long way, people. If you’re at fault, fess up but be genuine about it. Keep your apology if you don’t mean it. It’s like digging the knife in deeper, and nobody likes a faker;)