Tag Archive | Cheating

Open Season

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  We all know what cheating is. And it’s something that’s frowned upon, but it still doesn’t deter a lot of people. But what about the gray areas? Here are some scenarios where some get confused (for whatever reason).

 

– Talking regularly and frequently on phone to the opposite sex. If you talk more to this person than your spouse, there’s a problem.

– Swapping nude photos. You must want something to go down.

– A lot of alone time with another man or woman, whether it’s at your house or theirs, or huddled up in the break room or cubicle. You look suspicious.

– Whispering or quickly walking away when you get a call. What are you saying that can’t be heard?

– Inappropriate touching. This needs no explanation whatsoever.

 

What would you add? Have you ever done these and were actually innocent? What about watching porn and masturbation? Would you consider those gray areas or cheating?

Do Tell

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  For starters, let me begin by defining a couple things.

Friend= People you can count on and share your deepest and darkest secrets with without judgment.

Associate= People who you are cool with, may hang out with, but don’t talk to on a regular basis.

Frenemy= People who pretend to be your friend and are quick to throw you under the bus.

In high school, I learned the hard way the differences between these three types of people and it wasn’t hard to see who fit into which category. To me, it was cut and dry. But, what happens when people cross these pretty well-defined lines? For instance, what if your mate’s friend hits on you? Would you tell?

Speaking from experience, I sang like a damn canary and would do it again. I don’t think there’s a type of person that I hate worse than a fake person. I think your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse has a right to know if their “friend” is making a pass at someone they’re with. They have a right to create distance and not trust their “friend.” They have a right to know what kind of person they have in their life. In my situation, I can’t remember how my boyfriend (at the time) handled it, but I figured that I would rather him hear it from me than the “friend” going back saying that I did something wrong. Did the “friend” get mad at me for spilling the tea? Probably, but did I give a damn? Not a chance.

What I learned from that situation is that I didn’t want to be around that person at all anymore, and being alone again with him was a negative. Most of the time, you learn who to trust in your friendships and relationships early. What we have to keep in mind is not to turn a blind eye to red signs. Whether you choose to tell your mate their so-called friend is foul, that’s your choice. But consider if it was on the other foot. Would you want to know?

Look At Me

binoculars Whether we care to admit or not, our dates, more often than not, display bad behavior early. Lying didn’t come out of the blue. Neither did his or her conniving ways. Now, what we choose to do with that bit of information is different. We either: a). encourage it by allowing it to happen without speaking up; b). correct it; or c). get ghost. For example, a girlfriend of mine a few years back told me that her date showed up at her house to pick her up and was late. What did she do? She opened the door and told him how disrespectful he was by showing up late, left him standing there, and went out with her girlfriends. So, here are some things that we either let slide, fix, or bust up.

 

– Tardiness

– Lying

– Always on the phone (talking and/or texting)

– Talking bad about your family and/or friends

– Verbally abusive or degrading

– Cheating

– Don’t listen

– Lack empathy

– Too busy

– Lack common sense or decency

 

I was always told that if you don’t like something that your boyfriend/girlfriend does while you’re dating, it’ll get ten times worse if you marry them. So think about your last date. What type of bad behavior did you or did you not put up with?

 

You Always…

creeping Yeah, you know how to finish this sentence- Once a cheat, always a cheat. But is there any validity to it?

Say for instance you are dating a guy that you don’t see a future with and you cheat. But then you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and you keep your legs closed. I guess the moral of this story is that people can change, especially due to the circumstances. Do I believe ‘people can change’ in every situation, hell no. I’m talking about the person who steps out of bounds once. If they admit their mistake and spend the rest of their days making it up to the person they’re with, it could possibly work out. The key is are they sorry for their actions or are they sorry they got caught. There’s a huge difference.

Am I defending cheaters? Absolutely not, but I’m merely playing devil’s advocate because I’ve been on both sides of the fence- the victim and the perpetrator. Have I cheated on every person I’ve been in a committed relationship with? Absolutely not. That’s what I mean by circumstances.

On the other hand, people are greedy and a lot of times, they don’t care about the person they’re with. These are the people who are serial cheaters. They do it because they don’t give a f*** and keep doing it no matter the consequences. The only time they are sorry is if they get caught. And do they get caught…always. May not be today, but it catches up eventually. These are the people that look out for their own needs and don’t see themselves stopping any time soon or for anybody.

Does cheating count when you have an open relationship? Does cheating count when you tell your partner that you will not be faithful to them?

My ultimate question to you is: If the shoe was on the other foot, would you believe the age old saying?

 

Tell It

gossiping  If you’re like me, you like to stay to yourself and mind your business. I don’t like nosy people and I especially don’t like to butt into couples’ relationships. You will always have an opinion about someone else’s relationship, but you don’t know the ins and outs of what happens behind closed doors. Your judgment may also be cloudy when it comes to your friends and protecting their feelings and egos.

My question to you would be, what if you saw your friend’s significant other out with someone else- would you tell your friend? Here’s the thing. There are many different variables as to what would happen if you did or did not tell your friend what you saw. Below are some pros and cons. Anything missing?

PROS

+ You don’t want to see your friend hurt.

+ You truly believe that it would be better for them to know.

+ You know they don’t deserve to be cheated on because they are a good man/woman.

CONS

– What if the person is a family member and not random booty?

– What if you just started up some mess and what you saw wasn’t really them creepin’?

– What if you are friends with both parties and you feel like you have to choose sides? A monkey in the middle type of situation.

TOSS UP

= You don’t want to get involved.

Where do you stand?

Sharing is Caring?

shh2  I love the phrase, “Sharing is caring,” but sometimes it should not be carried out. Of course you want to swap stories, share an appetizer, and maybe even clothes (some of you). But there are three things in particular that you should not share with friends (or even best friend).

1). Talk about sex: Sure sharing juicy details is very entertaining and sometimes fun, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. If you talk too much about how great it feels when he throws your leg up or she strokes you, then maybe they want to see for themselves. Sometimes less is better…and this is one of those times.

2). Your mate: I shouldn’t have to spell this out, and especially not why you shouldn’t share who you’re married to or in a relationship with. It’s trifling to mess with a friend’s mate, period.

3). Toys: And I’m not talking about Tonka. First of all, that’s gross. Secondly, it’s not sanitary. I can’t even see a scenario I would be in where this would even be a question, but hey, shit happens…with other people.

How did everything become sex related?? Definitely not on purpose. Is there anything else you would add to the list?

Open For Business

open  More and more these days you hear about couples who enjoy having their cake and eating it too- with permission. What I’m talking about is participating in open relationships. When it comes to marriage, what makes a person secure enough to engage in this type of arrangement? Do these couples not like the thought of monogamy or believe that they can’t stay monogamous? Is there a difference between having an open relationship versus swinging?

Someone wrote to one of my favorite authors to ask for advice. In a nutshell, she met this guy and later found out that he had a live-in girlfriend. The girlfriend called her and they compared notes about the last few months or so of them dating. Together, they confronted the guy and he wanted to stay with both women, and eventually the couple asked the woman to move in with them (kids and all).

Many couples who come out or are even accused of being swingers are harshly criticized (ex. Will and Jada, MoNique and her husband). Some believe that they are incapable of loving their partner since they are having sex with others. Some think that they just get around (swingers or not, it doesn’t mean that they think about or look for sex all the time). Some believe that it’s not a committed marriage.

In the open and swinging couple’s defense, maybe a little spice spruces up their marriage. Maybe it’s for couples where one of the partners cannot have sex (for example, one person is paralyzed or just doesn’t enjoy sex, so they allow their partner to self indulge). Maybe they just like experimenting and exploring.

Some questions to consider (if you’re thinking about participating): 1). How will you feel after; 2). Is everything fair game or are there still cheating rules; 3). What if the freedom feels too good and you don’t want your partner anymore? Also, not only are you bringing another person into your bed, but increasing the possibility of STD’s, unwanted pregnancies, etc.

Now granted, I’m not particularly for this type of arrangement, but I’m just trying to gain some understanding about it. Can anybody share some insight?