Tag Archive | dating

The Twilight Zone

door  Chris Rock said it best years ago. No man wants to be put in the ‘friends zone.’ Fellas, let me explain a little bit about this infamous friend zone. There are a few ways that you can fall into this category (they are listed in no particular order).

1. You aren’t sexually appealing. Pretty much self-explanatory. If you’re not attractive to her, there’s no other category for you, except for not being in the picture at all.

2. You were bullshitting. Instead of cutting you totally off, you were put on the sidelines for your lack of interest and/or effort (ex. dragging your feet or moving at a snail’s pace). You ought to be glad you’re still somewhat relevant.

3. You have nothing to offer. Women want an upgrade. So if you don’t have anything to bring to the table, then you serve absolutely no purpose.

4. You tried it, but the shit was wack…. .

5. She met someone else who was taken seriously and now they are in a serious relationship.

And last but not least…

6. You are truly a genuine friend. Congrats, you’re not being punished.

Now it could go the same way for the ladies, but fellas, hit me up and let me know. Ladies, did I miss anything?

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Hello Sir

confident woman  Should women ever pursue a man?

If a woman pursues…

This isn’t the early 1900s and chivalry is damn near dead. If a woman sees someone that piques their interest, why shouldn’t they ask them out? There are some outspoken, powerful, confident, sexy women who will boldly go after what they want. And why not? Some will perceive these women as manly or desperate, others will view them as forward or brazen.

If a woman doesn’t pursue…

Some believe that men should be the pursuers. It’s the man’s job to go after the woman he wants. But what if the woman attracts someone she doesn’t want or lets a man slip through her fingertips because she was waiting to be approached? Some believe that women who don’t go after what they want are timid or can’t speak up for themselves.

Depending on how you look at it, this is almost a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. A woman could be looked at in a negative light either way. Thing is, times have changed, so must our thinking. Whoever pursues who doesn’t matter any more (as long as it’s in a respectful way, of course). There’s nothing wrong with striking up a conversation with a person you find attractive and want to get to know, right?

Do Tell

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  For starters, let me begin by defining a couple things.

Friend= People you can count on and share your deepest and darkest secrets with without judgment.

Associate= People who you are cool with, may hang out with, but don’t talk to on a regular basis.

Frenemy= People who pretend to be your friend and are quick to throw you under the bus.

In high school, I learned the hard way the differences between these three types of people and it wasn’t hard to see who fit into which category. To me, it was cut and dry. But, what happens when people cross these pretty well-defined lines? For instance, what if your mate’s friend hits on you? Would you tell?

Speaking from experience, I sang like a damn canary and would do it again. I don’t think there’s a type of person that I hate worse than a fake person. I think your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse has a right to know if their “friend” is making a pass at someone they’re with. They have a right to create distance and not trust their “friend.” They have a right to know what kind of person they have in their life. In my situation, I can’t remember how my boyfriend (at the time) handled it, but I figured that I would rather him hear it from me than the “friend” going back saying that I did something wrong. Did the “friend” get mad at me for spilling the tea? Probably, but did I give a damn? Not a chance.

What I learned from that situation is that I didn’t want to be around that person at all anymore, and being alone again with him was a negative. Most of the time, you learn who to trust in your friendships and relationships early. What we have to keep in mind is not to turn a blind eye to red signs. Whether you choose to tell your mate their so-called friend is foul, that’s your choice. But consider if it was on the other foot. Would you want to know?

Is It?

cats  I read in an article yesterday about a question you shouldn’t ask your date, or should I say, the person you’re out with– “Is this a date?” One way to look at this is– if you really have to ask or think about it, then it probably isn’t. That’s a question that needs to be raised before your foot hits the pavement to go out. Where is this going? How do I feel about him/her? If the answers to any of these questions are negative, your best bet is that you aren’t on an official date.

Are there some gray areas? He’s feeling me, but it’s not mutual. He’s dating himself then. We really like each other, but we’re taking it slow. You’re getting to know each other, that’s not necessarily a date. Same pressure, but it’s just an outing. We’ve hung out for years. You don’t “date” for years. You’re either in a relationship for all that time or you’re not.

A “date” means that you are out with someone you share mutual feelings with (like or love). You also envision the date/dating going somewhere or having an overall purpose. Couples go out to explore their feelings for one another. If the couple decides to take it further, then they enter a relationship; if not, they stop the dating process.

“Just because,” “friends with benefits,” and hang out partners are not your dating partners, ladies and gentlemen. A one-sided equation or fake relationship doesn’t count.

Agree or disagree? Let’s hear your take on dating.

Written in Stone

???????????????????????????????????????  Men open all doors and pay for everything. Men set up the dates. Women should be coy and eat salads at dinner. Do these same rules for dating apply in 2013 as they did in the 50s? We are in a new day of age and require a new set of rules, ladies and gentlemen. Do I believe that men should still be opening doors? Yes. I think that men should still be required to be men and more importantly, gentlemen. Do I believe that men should be making all the decisions about the date? No. Just as we have a new breed of rules, we also have a different breed of women. We don’t have to wait for a man to ask us out, and ordering for us is totally unacceptable.

My question is… What exactly is acceptable dating behavior? One of the “rules” state that once you go out on a date, you wait a day or two for the man to follow-up and schedule another date for the following weekend or week. I have a friend who thought I was crazy because I went on a first date, then turned around and went on the second date the next day. But guess what, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years since that first date. A girlfriend of mine met someone in a bar and saw each other everyday since, then married two years later. So the scheduling a date a week or two later is for the birds. Do what you feel is right. If you made that connection and your date wants to see you the next day, go for it (unless it seems out of desperation).

Another rule that I’d like to dispute is the picking the woman up from the house. I have an issue with this when it’s the first couple of dates. You don’t need to know where I live early on, especially when it comes to safety. What if we go out and don’t have a great time? You ended up being a jackass and a severely disturbed man. You picked me up from the house on the first date and now you’re extra salty because we’re not going out again. Now I have ol’ boy doing drive-bys and stalking me at my place because I didn’t get to know him before he got to see my place. No sir! Long story short. There are a lot of crazy people out there who are disguised as well-mannered ladies and gentlemen. Don’t put on your blinders at the beginning. Don’t ignore those red flags that you complain about to your girlfriend when you get home from the date!

What are some dating rules that you have broken? I only discussed two but I know there are a ton more!