Tag Archive | Friends

The Twilight Zone

door  Chris Rock said it best years ago. No man wants to be put in the ‘friends zone.’ Fellas, let me explain a little bit about this infamous friend zone. There are a few ways that you can fall into this category (they are listed in no particular order).

1. You aren’t sexually appealing. Pretty much self-explanatory. If you’re not attractive to her, there’s no other category for you, except for not being in the picture at all.

2. You were bullshitting. Instead of cutting you totally off, you were put on the sidelines for your lack of interest and/or effort (ex. dragging your feet or moving at a snail’s pace). You ought to be glad you’re still somewhat relevant.

3. You have nothing to offer. Women want an upgrade. So if you don’t have anything to bring to the table, then you serve absolutely no purpose.

4. You tried it, but the shit was wack…. .

5. She met someone else who was taken seriously and now they are in a serious relationship.

And last but not least…

6. You are truly a genuine friend. Congrats, you’re not being punished.

Now it could go the same way for the ladies, but fellas, hit me up and let me know. Ladies, did I miss anything?

The True Meaning

Some think of family. Some think of decorations inside and outside the house. And most think of presents for their family, friends, and/or coworkers. Buying gifts is what often is associated with Christmas, which leads to stress (financial, emotional, physical) for many people. But what is the true meaning of Christmas?

To me, it’s the sharing. Sharing of time, food, and love. A time when people spend time together and memories are shared and created. But the problem is, many people wait for a holiday such as Christmas and Thanksgiving to show the people they care about what they mean to them or to get together. Holidays should be special, yes, but we shouldn’t wait for a certain occasion to say I love you, visit, or to spend extra time with people. Make sure that gifts (from the heart), visits, and sharing isn’t reserved for holidays, but spread throughout the year. Don’t lose the true meaning of Christmas.

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Happy Holidays.

Do Tell

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  For starters, let me begin by defining a couple things.

Friend= People you can count on and share your deepest and darkest secrets with without judgment.

Associate= People who you are cool with, may hang out with, but don’t talk to on a regular basis.

Frenemy= People who pretend to be your friend and are quick to throw you under the bus.

In high school, I learned the hard way the differences between these three types of people and it wasn’t hard to see who fit into which category. To me, it was cut and dry. But, what happens when people cross these pretty well-defined lines? For instance, what if your mate’s friend hits on you? Would you tell?

Speaking from experience, I sang like a damn canary and would do it again. I don’t think there’s a type of person that I hate worse than a fake person. I think your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse has a right to know if their “friend” is making a pass at someone they’re with. They have a right to create distance and not trust their “friend.” They have a right to know what kind of person they have in their life. In my situation, I can’t remember how my boyfriend (at the time) handled it, but I figured that I would rather him hear it from me than the “friend” going back saying that I did something wrong. Did the “friend” get mad at me for spilling the tea? Probably, but did I give a damn? Not a chance.

What I learned from that situation is that I didn’t want to be around that person at all anymore, and being alone again with him was a negative. Most of the time, you learn who to trust in your friendships and relationships early. What we have to keep in mind is not to turn a blind eye to red signs. Whether you choose to tell your mate their so-called friend is foul, that’s your choice. But consider if it was on the other foot. Would you want to know?

TMI

caution2  Ever have a girlfriend who would tell you their whole life story when you only ask them, ‘How are you?’ What about a co-worker? A stranger? A lot of times the oversharing is so unnecessary and totally uncomfortable. I didn’t ask to hear about the who, what, where, why, and when of your brother’s ex-girlfriend’s surgery, or even what you went through in order to get to work this morning. Who cares!

 

People like that have at least three things going on: a. They don’t have anything of substance really going on in their life and they hope that you will share just as much as they do; b. They just like to talk (too damn much), especially about themselves; c. They are attempting to forget all of the effed up shit that’s going on in their own home.

 

Let me give you some examples. A is the type of person who will share things about everyone else in their life but themselves, unless something catastrophic happens. For instance, I don’t know where you live, but I know all about your brother and his dysfunctional relationship. “So what’s going on in your world,” I’ll pass, because the playing field is not even. I heard all about your brother without even asking and nothing about you, but you want to get all up in my business? No thanks.

 

B people have an ‘all or nothing’ approach; everything is either beyond fantastic in their life, or everything is horrible. So their conversation, for example, is more so about how they are the best lover, but in the next sentence, they talk about how everyone is trying to play them. They bring so much drama to their own lives that they don’t need friends, they need a therapist– someone who will actually want to talk to them and someone who will tell them in a polite way that it’s not always about them.

 

A C person is a person is a blend of the two; they talk about their surroundings and their life– every gory detail. For instance, I should not know everyone in your family by name and all of their ailments.

 

The problem I have with all of these people is that quite frankly, I don’t give a damn about your personal business and stop hoping that I will divulge as much as you. There are some things that don’t need to be discussed. Just let it be. These are the same people who are doing as much talking about you behind your back to someone else. I’d rather not spill my tea, thank you very much.

Hello?

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  It seems like a couple of forevers ago when we had only house phones. Before cell phones. Before pagers. Before two-ways. We actually had to be at home in order to talk to someone. Cell phones have now been around for well over a decade, therefore, there should be no excuse as to why we shouldn’t be able to work them properly. Are you guilty of being an obnoxious talker? Check out these six ways we break all kinds of phone etiquette rules when we’re on our cell phones.

 

– We holler in it. Everybody and their mama can hear every word we’re saying. Why are you shouting?

 

– We feel extra special when we’re on them. Guess what…everybody’s got them, even seven-year-olds. So there’s no need to act like you’re a big shot when you’re on it.

 

– We don’t silence our phones for shit. Library, wedding, church, graduation don’t mean a thing. Our loud obnoxious ringtones can ring any and everywhere, plus add in the fact that we don’t answer until the fourth ring.

 

– We talk in cramped quarters. A lot. We don’t care who hears our business. Did you ever stop to think that maybe other people don’t care about what you’ve got going on? We’re forced to listen and it is not appreciated.

 

– We talk and text on our dates because we’re rude. Nothing more says that I’m not interested in the person you’re sitting across than answering a call over candlelight.

 

– We talk to other people while we are on the phone with you. Participating in several different conversations is not multitasking, it’s rude. One conversation or the other.

 

What annoying behavior do you notice or engage in?

Never Say Never

flowers

Never Too Late to…

– Apologize

– Pray

– Seek religion

– Say thank you

– Show or voice your appreciation

– Turn a bad day into a good one

 

Never Too Much of…

+ Saying I Love You

+ Saying what you feel

+ Giving thanks

+ Hugging and kissing

+ Kindness

+ Cheesecake

 

Never Leave the House Without

= Saying I Love You to someone you love

= Clean draws

= A couple of dollars

= Key (maybe even your I.D.)

= Letting someone know where you’re going (you never know)

= Having a purpose

Homie Lover Friend

vgames

Image: Dreamstime

 

Part Two of ‘The Company We Keep’ type of blogs focuses on the friendship between men and women (Part One was “Friendly Skies.” Check it out if you missed it last week.).

 

“He’s just my friend.” “We grew up together.” “She’s my ace boon coon.” Here’s the million dollar question: Can men and women be platonic friends or are they people we haven’t screwed yet (as Chris Rock stated in one of his shows)? Yes, men and women have the potential to be platonic friends, but there are some unspoken “rules” that should be easy to follow if you are truly platonic friends.

 

– Age is important. For instance, a man meets a woman at thirty and wants to be friends, versus a boy meeting a girl at age ten. Personally, I believe that the boy wants to be platonic friends, but the thirty-year-old man wants a friend with benefits. It’s rare to meet true friends later on in life, unless you run in the same circle or they are a coworker. But then the question would be are they a friend or an associate (*new topic for a future blog).

 

– He/She is facially challenged. It’s so much easier to keep a friend of the opposite sex if they are not attractive (physically or sexually). Along the same lines, there’s no attraction when you think of the person as a brother or a sister. Either situation leaves you and him/her platonic as hell!

 

– You can call or text any time you feel like it. Not. Platonic single friends can call whenever you feel like it. Someone breaks in and you can’t sleep, call your boy at 3am. Who cares. You need a plus one, call your girl a couple days before so they get themselves together. These things can’t go down when you’re in a relationship. Then it’s, why is so and so calling so damn late? Why are they always calling you to hang out? In order to keep it looking as innocent as it really is, you have to be respectable to yourself and your relationship. When in doubt ask, “If it were the other way around, how would I feel” question before you act (or react).

 

*Bonus question: Does your mate have the right to tell you to give up a friend just because they are the opposite sex? Even if they have no evidence of anything going on? Leave your answer in the comments section.