Tag Archive | friendships

Tears of Joy

sunset2  There comes a time when all of the negativity from your life simply disappears and happiness creeps in with a vengeance.

+ Win first place (or even just place)

+ Graduation

+ Birth of a child

+ Wedding

+ See the light at the end of the tunnel after a struggle

+ Visit a friend or family member after you haven’t seen them in a long time

+ Completion

+ Newness (ex. new house, job, etc.)

+ Closure

+ Peace

+ Family and true friends

+ Realizing how blessed you are

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Do Tell

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  For starters, let me begin by defining a couple things.

Friend= People you can count on and share your deepest and darkest secrets with without judgment.

Associate= People who you are cool with, may hang out with, but don’t talk to on a regular basis.

Frenemy= People who pretend to be your friend and are quick to throw you under the bus.

In high school, I learned the hard way the differences between these three types of people and it wasn’t hard to see who fit into which category. To me, it was cut and dry. But, what happens when people cross these pretty well-defined lines? For instance, what if your mate’s friend hits on you? Would you tell?

Speaking from experience, I sang like a damn canary and would do it again. I don’t think there’s a type of person that I hate worse than a fake person. I think your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse has a right to know if their “friend” is making a pass at someone they’re with. They have a right to create distance and not trust their “friend.” They have a right to know what kind of person they have in their life. In my situation, I can’t remember how my boyfriend (at the time) handled it, but I figured that I would rather him hear it from me than the “friend” going back saying that I did something wrong. Did the “friend” get mad at me for spilling the tea? Probably, but did I give a damn? Not a chance.

What I learned from that situation is that I didn’t want to be around that person at all anymore, and being alone again with him was a negative. Most of the time, you learn who to trust in your friendships and relationships early. What we have to keep in mind is not to turn a blind eye to red signs. Whether you choose to tell your mate their so-called friend is foul, that’s your choice. But consider if it was on the other foot. Would you want to know?

Tha Mrs.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Many women dream about their perfect wedding. I want my dress to look like this. I want the ceremony to look like this. Some started planning when they were little. But how many planned for after the wedding? Here are a few mistakes women make when planning for their future.

One… some women plan for the wedding, not the marriage. The wedding is one day, but marriage is for life. Once people realize this, the better off and less shell-shocked they’ll be.

Two… taking the Mrs. status literally. What I mean is feeling like you’ve accomplished something because you got married. There’s a difference between loving your husband and loving the fact that you’re married. Women like this lose themselves. They begin to live like that status makes them, which is very sad.

Three… some equate the size of the ring for love. Don’t be fooled ladies. You can get a twenty-carat rock on your ring finger and that will not make you any more married than a person who gets a half carat.

Four… you still think that it’s all about you. Once you’ve said “I Do,” you have entered into a partnership that lasts forever. For example, big money decisions should always be discussed with your spouse, as well as almost every other topic that you can think of. You’re in eternal “we” mode. Get used to it.

Five… drop your sense of self. Yes, you become one, but all of your free time doesn’t have to be with your new partner. Am I suggesting that you continue to hit up the clubs? Uh, no. Some things should be left in the singles lifestyle. But what I am saying is that it is okay to have you own hobbies and activities outside of your marriage. For instance, no need to drop your occasional dinner dates with your girls or trips to the mall. Don’t put your friendships on hold, but balance out your time away.

Good luck!

TMI

caution2  Ever have a girlfriend who would tell you their whole life story when you only ask them, ‘How are you?’ What about a co-worker? A stranger? A lot of times the oversharing is so unnecessary and totally uncomfortable. I didn’t ask to hear about the who, what, where, why, and when of your brother’s ex-girlfriend’s surgery, or even what you went through in order to get to work this morning. Who cares!

 

People like that have at least three things going on: a. They don’t have anything of substance really going on in their life and they hope that you will share just as much as they do; b. They just like to talk (too damn much), especially about themselves; c. They are attempting to forget all of the effed up shit that’s going on in their own home.

 

Let me give you some examples. A is the type of person who will share things about everyone else in their life but themselves, unless something catastrophic happens. For instance, I don’t know where you live, but I know all about your brother and his dysfunctional relationship. “So what’s going on in your world,” I’ll pass, because the playing field is not even. I heard all about your brother without even asking and nothing about you, but you want to get all up in my business? No thanks.

 

B people have an ‘all or nothing’ approach; everything is either beyond fantastic in their life, or everything is horrible. So their conversation, for example, is more so about how they are the best lover, but in the next sentence, they talk about how everyone is trying to play them. They bring so much drama to their own lives that they don’t need friends, they need a therapist– someone who will actually want to talk to them and someone who will tell them in a polite way that it’s not always about them.

 

A C person is a person is a blend of the two; they talk about their surroundings and their life– every gory detail. For instance, I should not know everyone in your family by name and all of their ailments.

 

The problem I have with all of these people is that quite frankly, I don’t give a damn about your personal business and stop hoping that I will divulge as much as you. There are some things that don’t need to be discussed. Just let it be. These are the same people who are doing as much talking about you behind your back to someone else. I’d rather not spill my tea, thank you very much.

Homie Lover Friend

vgames

Image: Dreamstime

 

Part Two of ‘The Company We Keep’ type of blogs focuses on the friendship between men and women (Part One was “Friendly Skies.” Check it out if you missed it last week.).

 

“He’s just my friend.” “We grew up together.” “She’s my ace boon coon.” Here’s the million dollar question: Can men and women be platonic friends or are they people we haven’t screwed yet (as Chris Rock stated in one of his shows)? Yes, men and women have the potential to be platonic friends, but there are some unspoken “rules” that should be easy to follow if you are truly platonic friends.

 

– Age is important. For instance, a man meets a woman at thirty and wants to be friends, versus a boy meeting a girl at age ten. Personally, I believe that the boy wants to be platonic friends, but the thirty-year-old man wants a friend with benefits. It’s rare to meet true friends later on in life, unless you run in the same circle or they are a coworker. But then the question would be are they a friend or an associate (*new topic for a future blog).

 

– He/She is facially challenged. It’s so much easier to keep a friend of the opposite sex if they are not attractive (physically or sexually). Along the same lines, there’s no attraction when you think of the person as a brother or a sister. Either situation leaves you and him/her platonic as hell!

 

– You can call or text any time you feel like it. Not. Platonic single friends can call whenever you feel like it. Someone breaks in and you can’t sleep, call your boy at 3am. Who cares. You need a plus one, call your girl a couple days before so they get themselves together. These things can’t go down when you’re in a relationship. Then it’s, why is so and so calling so damn late? Why are they always calling you to hang out? In order to keep it looking as innocent as it really is, you have to be respectable to yourself and your relationship. When in doubt ask, “If it were the other way around, how would I feel” question before you act (or react).

 

*Bonus question: Does your mate have the right to tell you to give up a friend just because they are the opposite sex? Even if they have no evidence of anything going on? Leave your answer in the comments section.

 

Friendly Skies

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Is there a such thing as being friends with your ex? Before you come up with an answer, I mean truly Just Friends. Not friends with benefits. Not cordial. I’m talking platonic friends. My answer is…Hell No! Let me explain why.

 

For starters, if you still have feelings for them, then that consequently takes you out of the platonic category. You can’t make objective decisions in regards to your “friend” when you used to date them and probably still wishing you could. In fact, you are also automatically cock blocking when ya’ll hang out. I bet you think that there’s nothing wrong with talking and laughing it up with your ex, but to an outsider, ya’ll look quite comfy and cozy. And very much together.

 

Another case in point, whatever you’re doing with your ex is holding you back from finding the person who was truly meant for you. If they’re an ex, then it wasn’t meant to be. There’s no need to keep holding on to them.

 

You may argue that you don’t have feelings, ya’ll still date other people, and nothing is going on behind closed doors, but I bet that one or both of you are holding on for different reasons. You might like that she’s comfortable and on the other hand, he’s waiting for ya’ll to hop back into bed. He might love your company in general, and you make sure that she’s not seeing anyone special. Whatever the case may be, it’s most likely not the best decision you’ve ever made.


Trust me about this. I’m speaking from experience. I had an ex that for 1). held on, and 2). I let him. I didn’t realize that I was blocking my blessings. Once I completely let go, I moved on and found a healthy relationship with the one I was meant to be with. See how this works out and falls into place?

Creative Luv

v day  Trying to come up with some different things to do with your family on Valentine’s Day? Here are a few ideas that you can use with your family and some as a couple. Enjoy:)

Arts & Crafts

+ Homemade cards- A great way to say exactly how you feel.

+ Homemade gifts- Homemade gifts are sometimes the best. It shows that you put much effort and thought into what you’re making. For example, a  jewelry box- take a wooden box and decorate it with paint, glitter, rhinestones, etc.

+ Picture collage- Choose some of your favorite pictures of your family, friends, neighbors (or whoever you treasure) and make a collage- instagram doesn’t count!

Games

+ Bingo- Make your own bingo card or download one (I’m sure you don’t have to reinvent the wheel) that has Valentine’s Day items on there.

+ Hug tag- Tag with a twist. Play regular tag, using the same rules, except instead of tagging people, hug them. Or you can switch it up and kiss. Please don’t kiss people on the lips. You don’t know where everybody’s been. The cheek works wonders too.

+ Scavenger hunt- This requires much planning time, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it and fun too (if Peter Griffin can put one together, I’m SURE you can too)!

After Dark

+ Dice game- You know what I’m talking about. Roll those dice and see what you get to kiss, lick, massage, or whatever!

+ Massage- This is not the time to use lotion. Whip out those smell good oils and rub your partner down.

+ Use food- This is definitely the night to turn your partner into a sundae and eat it off of them;)

Other

+ Love letter/notes- Kind of like a card, but better. Leave your significant other a nice love note somewhere where they can find it that truly expresses the way you feel. If you’re really creative, stick a poem in that you wrote.

+ Kissing booth- Set up a place in the house where you can give out kisses for pennies, a cookie, or whatever “toll” you want to enforce.

+ Cook together- This is a great way to bond and plenty of time to communicate with your partner and/or children.

+ Candlelight dinner- Once you finish cooking, light some candles and enjoy each other’s company with no TV, no kids, and no distractions.