Tag Archive | Infidelity

Open Season

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  We all know what cheating is. And it’s something that’s frowned upon, but it still doesn’t deter a lot of people. But what about the gray areas? Here are some scenarios where some get confused (for whatever reason).

 

– Talking regularly and frequently on phone to the opposite sex. If you talk more to this person than your spouse, there’s a problem.

– Swapping nude photos. You must want something to go down.

– A lot of alone time with another man or woman, whether it’s at your house or theirs, or huddled up in the break room or cubicle. You look suspicious.

– Whispering or quickly walking away when you get a call. What are you saying that can’t be heard?

– Inappropriate touching. This needs no explanation whatsoever.

 

What would you add? Have you ever done these and were actually innocent? What about watching porn and masturbation? Would you consider those gray areas or cheating?

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Look At Me

binoculars Whether we care to admit or not, our dates, more often than not, display bad behavior early. Lying didn’t come out of the blue. Neither did his or her conniving ways. Now, what we choose to do with that bit of information is different. We either: a). encourage it by allowing it to happen without speaking up; b). correct it; or c). get ghost. For example, a girlfriend of mine a few years back told me that her date showed up at her house to pick her up and was late. What did she do? She opened the door and told him how disrespectful he was by showing up late, left him standing there, and went out with her girlfriends. So, here are some things that we either let slide, fix, or bust up.

 

– Tardiness

– Lying

– Always on the phone (talking and/or texting)

– Talking bad about your family and/or friends

– Verbally abusive or degrading

– Cheating

– Don’t listen

– Lack empathy

– Too busy

– Lack common sense or decency

 

I was always told that if you don’t like something that your boyfriend/girlfriend does while you’re dating, it’ll get ten times worse if you marry them. So think about your last date. What type of bad behavior did you or did you not put up with?

 

I’m Sorry, Everyone

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Apologies can either be very sincere or very shady. Of course it depends on how you say it; are you speaking from the heart, is it something you were forced to say, etc. As you can see, there are a number of variables that are involved in whether a person can fully believe and accept your words. Nobody has probably learned that valuable lesson more than Robin Thicke. Believe me when I say that this blog is not to judge his character, but merely a question.

 

Robin Thicke has been going on stage crying and recently released a whole album dedicated to his wife as a way to get her back. Everyone makes mistakes and we can only speculate on what really made Paula Patton give him the boot. But, my question is this- What has he done in private to make it up to her? Sometimes, we as the public, don’t need to hear all of your business. Sometimes, we as women, don’t require our men to humiliate themselves in the public for us. Yes, if you do something stupid enough to lose us, you need to do something (a lot of something) to get us back, but where does one cross the line?

 

I hate to talk about their business like this, but I feel like I’m doing people (especially the fellas) a little favor. Sometimes going over the top and bringing other people into your home, so to speak, is not a meaningful way to apologize. In Robin’s case, this looks more like a manipulation attempt to get other people to feel sorry for him. Eventually people will say (if they haven’t already), ‘Paula, give that man another chance. He’s going around the world singing and crying over you.’ The ball is now in her court and their mess is now in the street.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, there has to be a happy medium here. Don’t just mutter an empty I’m sorry and think that all’s well with the world. And on the other hand, don’t do the Thicke plan and dedicate an album to someone who left you and promote it looking all pitiful. Should you ever end up in a similar situation, realize that a sincere apology takes a lot of time and effort. Trust doesn’t build overnight and your actions afterwards will be scrutinized, with good reason. What will you do to prove that you won’t make the same mistake twice? What happens if you do get your partner to come back, then what? What will it take to gain their trust again? Assess your own actions. What would you do if your partner did what you did? What would it take to get you back? Why do you need it to work? What will change?  At the end of the day, you have to know the person you’re with in order to “win your campaign.” Would your partner need you to get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness at home, require you to shout it from roof of a nearby tall building, or a handmade poem and flowers? Pushing the envelope and going through extreme efforts can backfire, so really consider what’s best for you and your boo- privately.

 

You Always…

creeping Yeah, you know how to finish this sentence- Once a cheat, always a cheat. But is there any validity to it?

Say for instance you are dating a guy that you don’t see a future with and you cheat. But then you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and you keep your legs closed. I guess the moral of this story is that people can change, especially due to the circumstances. Do I believe ‘people can change’ in every situation, hell no. I’m talking about the person who steps out of bounds once. If they admit their mistake and spend the rest of their days making it up to the person they’re with, it could possibly work out. The key is are they sorry for their actions or are they sorry they got caught. There’s a huge difference.

Am I defending cheaters? Absolutely not, but I’m merely playing devil’s advocate because I’ve been on both sides of the fence- the victim and the perpetrator. Have I cheated on every person I’ve been in a committed relationship with? Absolutely not. That’s what I mean by circumstances.

On the other hand, people are greedy and a lot of times, they don’t care about the person they’re with. These are the people who are serial cheaters. They do it because they don’t give a f*** and keep doing it no matter the consequences. The only time they are sorry is if they get caught. And do they get caught…always. May not be today, but it catches up eventually. These are the people that look out for their own needs and don’t see themselves stopping any time soon or for anybody.

Does cheating count when you have an open relationship? Does cheating count when you tell your partner that you will not be faithful to them?

My ultimate question to you is: If the shoe was on the other foot, would you believe the age old saying?

 

Sharing is Caring?

shh2  I love the phrase, “Sharing is caring,” but sometimes it should not be carried out. Of course you want to swap stories, share an appetizer, and maybe even clothes (some of you). But there are three things in particular that you should not share with friends (or even best friend).

1). Talk about sex: Sure sharing juicy details is very entertaining and sometimes fun, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. If you talk too much about how great it feels when he throws your leg up or she strokes you, then maybe they want to see for themselves. Sometimes less is better…and this is one of those times.

2). Your mate: I shouldn’t have to spell this out, and especially not why you shouldn’t share who you’re married to or in a relationship with. It’s trifling to mess with a friend’s mate, period.

3). Toys: And I’m not talking about Tonka. First of all, that’s gross. Secondly, it’s not sanitary. I can’t even see a scenario I would be in where this would even be a question, but hey, shit happens…with other people.

How did everything become sex related?? Definitely not on purpose. Is there anything else you would add to the list?

Open For Business

open  More and more these days you hear about couples who enjoy having their cake and eating it too- with permission. What I’m talking about is participating in open relationships. When it comes to marriage, what makes a person secure enough to engage in this type of arrangement? Do these couples not like the thought of monogamy or believe that they can’t stay monogamous? Is there a difference between having an open relationship versus swinging?

Someone wrote to one of my favorite authors to ask for advice. In a nutshell, she met this guy and later found out that he had a live-in girlfriend. The girlfriend called her and they compared notes about the last few months or so of them dating. Together, they confronted the guy and he wanted to stay with both women, and eventually the couple asked the woman to move in with them (kids and all).

Many couples who come out or are even accused of being swingers are harshly criticized (ex. Will and Jada, MoNique and her husband). Some believe that they are incapable of loving their partner since they are having sex with others. Some think that they just get around (swingers or not, it doesn’t mean that they think about or look for sex all the time). Some believe that it’s not a committed marriage.

In the open and swinging couple’s defense, maybe a little spice spruces up their marriage. Maybe it’s for couples where one of the partners cannot have sex (for example, one person is paralyzed or just doesn’t enjoy sex, so they allow their partner to self indulge). Maybe they just like experimenting and exploring.

Some questions to consider (if you’re thinking about participating): 1). How will you feel after; 2). Is everything fair game or are there still cheating rules; 3). What if the freedom feels too good and you don’t want your partner anymore? Also, not only are you bringing another person into your bed, but increasing the possibility of STD’s, unwanted pregnancies, etc.

Now granted, I’m not particularly for this type of arrangement, but I’m just trying to gain some understanding about it. Can anybody share some insight?

On The Side

shh  “You can have a piece of my love.” Guy boldly released this 1988 song, “Piece of My Love,” which described a sexual relationship on the side. Is this type of relationship truly satisfying for the chick or the dude on the side? Of course the person in the middle is having their cake and eating it too, but what about the one on the side. How do they interpret the relationship and themselves? This is why I even bother asking.

If you have ever been in the position where you had to fight your mate for their attention because you thought they were cheating (or they actually have been), I’m sure you’re wondering why I would even want to know the other side of the story. But there’s a reason for everything.

My initial thought would be, why would anyone want to settle for second best? But there are a couple of reasons why.

a. Gain- Financial, social, emotional, etc. The Side Piece (SP) uses the person to get whatever it is that they are lacking, whether they truly need it or not.

b. Loneliness- SP needs to feel the warmth of somebody, or really anybody that will provide it, without regards to who they may be with.

c. Need drama in their life- One of those types of people that need a lot more spice in their life than the average person. SP likes the thrill of almost getting caught or perhaps even wants to in order to one up the girlfriend or boyfriend.

What this all boils down to is selfishness. There’s a reason as to why people get involved in an unavailable person, but what do they think of themselves for doing it? In this case, I believe that you have two types of people.

a. You have the smug. Smug Sally gets a kick out of sleeping their way to something (whether it be to a better position at work, to getting better gifts than wifey, to being wisked off to Hawaii). This is the same person who gets joy out of knowing that she can spill anytime and ruin the family.

On the flip side…

b. You have the nervous. Nervous Nancy would probably kill herself if she got caught. She has bad nerves, but her partner is her weakness. She knows that it’s wrong and she feels hella guilty, but can’t stop…just…yet.

I’m not here to say what is right or wrong, but a clear conscious provides a much better sleep. One thing that I will say is that Side Pieces don’t get love, they are just convenient. Smug Sally might enjoy using others, but it’s really her that’s getting played.