I was one of those people who judged Karrueche Tran. I never even heard of her before last year or so, but I (like millions of others– whether we wanted to or not) watched her relationship with Chris Brown play out through the news and social media. Their off and on relationship resembled a broken record. It wasn’t until today that I reached an understanding and feel some sort of genuine sympathy for her.
I was in a similar situation over a decade ago, which I would call the ‘First Love Blues.’ No, I wasn’t abused (and he didn’t have a record of abusing women), and as far as I know, he didn’t have a child during our tenure, but our relationship was like a revolving door. We would be together for a while and everything was peachy, then we would break up, and shortly after that we would get back together. My broken record lasted for about five years and I truly apologize to my friends for having to go through this nightmare with me.
It’s something about that first love. That is your first ride-or-die relationship and one of the most unhealthy ones as well. This is the one where you make excuses for why your mate did what they did; “He just didn’t call me today (or back) because he was busy.” This is the one where they could damn near do or say anything to you and it was okay because you were blinded by love. You may even know that your relationship is toxic, but you’re still drawn to that person. You try to save them, but you can’t. You try to save the relationship, but you realize that you’re the only one that’s trying, and if something happens, they know that you’ll still be right there.
I watched bits and pieces of the trailer to Karrueche Tran’s “Fix My Life.” She admitted to wanting him back “if he changed” and stated that she would wait. To me, this is foolish, but if this is her first love it makes sense, and if she hasn’t reached her breaking point, it makes sense. Until you reach that point where you are totally done and no piece of jewelry, vacation, or question can lure you back in, you too would stay on the roller coaster of hell. The only way to describe the feeling after you release your burden is liberation. For her sake, I hope that she is able to reach that point soon before something terrible happens (ex. have his child, get married). And I hope she realizes that he has to want to change. Sending prayers her way.