Tag Archive | personality

I’m On My Grown Man

grown  Does age really determine maturity? For instance, if a boy turns eighteen, is he automatically a man? What about twenty-one? What if you are fifty and you don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of… are you still grown?

Personally, I think the term is thrown around a little too carelessly. I don’t think age should determine your “grown man” status, I think it should be your maturity level and what you do with your life. Whether your priorities are straight or not. For example, if you put rims on your car and still live in your mother’s basement, you’re not grown. If you use grocery money to buy a pair of shoes or to get a mani-pedi, guess what?

So what exactly does being ‘grown’ mean? Paying your bills on time. Owning something (real estate/land, business). Taking care of your business (before pleasure). Taking care of your children (first). To me, if you turn eighteen or twenty-one, that doesn’t automatically make you grown. Yes, you are legal, but unless you are taking care of yourself financially and physically, you are not as grown as you think you are. Who cares how much money, cars, jewelry, or clothes you have. The question is, do you have enough to provide for yourself and child(ren)? Do you have enough for your mortgage or rent? How much do you have in your savings account? Do you report to work everyday on time (and actually work)?

Ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately we live in a society where standards are extremely low. Women, we rely on men to take care of us and when we come up short, accept any ol’ thing just to have a warm body laying next to us at night. We deserve better than that. Take care of yourselves and learn how to be independent. When a man worthy of your time comes around, then you may step aside and let him be a man.  Men, some of you have have lost your damn mind and want a woman to take care of you like your mama. You are supposed to protect and provide, like Steve Harvey says. Stand on your own two feet and stop allowing (or should I say ‘expecting’) women to provide for you. Man up and get your grown man on.


I’m Sorry, Everyone

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Apologies can either be very sincere or very shady. Of course it depends on how you say it; are you speaking from the heart, is it something you were forced to say, etc. As you can see, there are a number of variables that are involved in whether a person can fully believe and accept your words. Nobody has probably learned that valuable lesson more than Robin Thicke. Believe me when I say that this blog is not to judge his character, but merely a question.


Robin Thicke has been going on stage crying and recently released a whole album dedicated to his wife as a way to get her back. Everyone makes mistakes and we can only speculate on what really made Paula Patton give him the boot. But, my question is this- What has he done in private to make it up to her? Sometimes, we as the public, don’t need to hear all of your business. Sometimes, we as women, don’t require our men to humiliate themselves in the public for us. Yes, if you do something stupid enough to lose us, you need to do something (a lot of something) to get us back, but where does one cross the line?


I hate to talk about their business like this, but I feel like I’m doing people (especially the fellas) a little favor. Sometimes going over the top and bringing other people into your home, so to speak, is not a meaningful way to apologize. In Robin’s case, this looks more like a manipulation attempt to get other people to feel sorry for him. Eventually people will say (if they haven’t already), ‘Paula, give that man another chance. He’s going around the world singing and crying over you.’ The ball is now in her court and their mess is now in the street.


Ladies and gentlemen, there has to be a happy medium here. Don’t just mutter an empty I’m sorry and think that all’s well with the world. And on the other hand, don’t do the Thicke plan and dedicate an album to someone who left you and promote it looking all pitiful. Should you ever end up in a similar situation, realize that a sincere apology takes a lot of time and effort. Trust doesn’t build overnight and your actions afterwards will be scrutinized, with good reason. What will you do to prove that you won’t make the same mistake twice? What happens if you do get your partner to come back, then what? What will it take to gain their trust again? Assess your own actions. What would you do if your partner did what you did? What would it take to get you back? Why do you need it to work? What will change?  At the end of the day, you have to know the person you’re with in order to “win your campaign.” Would your partner need you to get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness at home, require you to shout it from roof of a nearby tall building, or a handmade poem and flowers? Pushing the envelope and going through extreme efforts can backfire, so really consider what’s best for you and your boo- privately.


Power of the People?

c2  Ever since elementary school, I had to explain to people (not of African descent) about my hair. As a child, other children always wanted to touch it and wondered why it could stick up or out on its own. As a teen, other teenagers wondered how I could keep curls in my head, get it styled differently every other week, or why I didn’t wash my hair every other day. As an adult, apparently, other adults want to know by my hair being braided, is it tight enough to smooth out wrinkles (even though I’m not old enough for wrinkles, but that’s beside the point).


Why is African American hair such a novelty to people? Those of you who are reading this who are not of African descent, please understand two things: a). the one person you are talking to does not speak for their whole culture; b). if you have questions, please carefully formulate them in your head before speaking, because sometimes the comments and/or questions sound very ignorant and immature. Case in point, I had a grown woman ask me the wrinkles question (the one I talked about above) and then her and her friend went on about how Black people’s skin was so beautiful and did eating better than Caucasian people combined with no stress keep our skin looking so good. I was embarrassed for them. Both women are older than me. Both women are educated. And both women are too old to be comfortable enough to voice such foolishness aloud.


My point is this. It is okay to not know something about another person’s culture. Nobody knows every single thing about another person’s culture. And it is okay to ask questions, but it goes back to my point a minute ago… a). the ONE person you are talking to does not and cannot speak for their whole culture; b). formulate those questions and comments in your head first.


Does anyone have a similar story?

Bad Date?

  Have you ever been on a bad date? What exactly constitutes a bad date? Have you ever been one?

Dating in general is very complicated. First of all, you have to decipher whether you have crossed over to the ‘date’ territory from the ‘friend’ one. Secondly, you have to figure out what is an actual date- coffee or dinner. Et cetera. Et cetera. Boring, but necessary stuff. But what happens when you encounter bad behavior during your date? Here are a few examples of a person ‘actin up’ on a date.

1. Cell phone use- This could be anywhere from surfing the net, to checking email, to answering a call. Unless it’s an emergency (for example, you have someone babysitting your children and your babysitter never had to call you before), keep your phone in your pocket or purse. Nothing says you’re not interested more than your mate staring down at a screen instead of you.

2. The awkward first date pay- What would make this better is if this is discussed before you actually go out or if the man is an old school gentleman (i.e. “I got it. Put your wallet away before you insult me.”). What makes this worse is the man not offering to pay, his share at least. It becomes an eye opener when the check is put in front of him and he doesn’t even acknowledge it. If you want to go dutch for the first date- fine. If you want to be an old school gentleman and pay for us- even better. But don’t pretend like you’re a statue once the bill is dropped and a mute when the topic is brought up.

3. The superstar- I’m sure everyone has met someone who has nothing else to do but to insert their name and situation into every story you tell. You could say that you journeyed to Africa for your twenty-first birthday, and they would steady tell you how Africa is where they were originally born and how they ventured over to the States. These people do not have it in them to care for someone other than themselves.

4. Lack of home training- This ranges from elbows on the table, to feet in the chair, to burping, to smacking, to…shall I continue? Poor table manners makes you feel like you’re eating at the zoo. Get it together!

5. The octopus- The touchy-feely date can make a person feel like they need a shower ASAP. On a first date, you better keep your hands to yourself. Too much too soon can be a turn off to someone looking for long term. So unless your ‘long term’ ends when the date ends, keep it PG until you are ready as a couple to advance to bigger and better things.

This concludes the first session of Bad Date, but stay tuned.

Beauty vs. Social Butterfly: Which Would You Choose?

For starters, who in their right mind would actively look for someone who is visibly unattractive? On the other hand, who would try to score with someone who has a nasty attitude? What if I told you that you had to choose one or the other?

Nowadays, it’s tough finding a person that has it all- stability (check out my trilogy blogs on this topic;)), respect (self-respect and respect for others), a person who has all their teeth, knows Jesus, etc. A glowing personality and stunning looks should already be a shoe-in, right? Wrong! Finding a person like this is the equivalent to finding a needle in a haystack. It’s almost like you have to compromise; which qualities do you have to have and what can slide? But think about it. What would mean more to you- someone who is great looking but has a jacked up attitude, or someone who is not attractive but has a winning personality?

Let’s look at Seal and Heidi Klum for a minute. Who would’ve thought that Seal would’ve landed a supermodel as his wife? Pre or post accident, Seal is unattractive (don’t make that face, I’m just being honest), and I have to wonder if he’s got a great personality to make up for it, which in turn would make him very attractive. Same with Jay Z and Beyonce. Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas. Do I even need to get descriptive here? My point is, all three women apparently chose attitude and swag over facial attractiveness.

I truly believe that women in general are more apt to lean towards character vs. looks. Not to say that we ladies don’t drool over Denzel (for the older readers), Elba, Shemar, Larenz, LL, or Iverson. But if you’re ugly and got an attitude, you don’t stand a chance. On the other hand, if you have a nice smile and a personality to match, you’ll definitely get some play (I’m not gonna bet on every woman, but I’ll just say many). Cause there’s nothing like a man that can make you laugh, do things ‘just because’, or be reliable. And if that man is everything you wished for, but is not easy on the eyes, you may have to compromise (but it really depends on the rate of ugliness too).

On the flip side, I posed the same question to a couple of my male friends and they were totally unwilling to compromise. Wait, scratch that. If they don’t have to go out in public with them and can only sleep with them and that’s it, then an ugly chick can get some play too. Which leads me to believe that men are more vain than women…but that’s a whole ‘nother topic. But seriously, if you were single and had to choose between personality and looks, which would you choose and why? Hit me up.

So, what did you learn today… it’s all about what makes you happy. Can you deal with waking up to an ugly person in bed every morning even though (s)he is a sweetheart every waking moment? Or would you rather deal with a beauty queen/king that makes you hate them every waking moment?