Tag Archive | relationships

Open Season

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  We all know what cheating is. And it’s something that’s frowned upon, but it still doesn’t deter a lot of people. But what about the gray areas? Here are some scenarios where some get confused (for whatever reason).

 

– Talking regularly and frequently on phone to the opposite sex. If you talk more to this person than your spouse, there’s a problem.

– Swapping nude photos. You must want something to go down.

– A lot of alone time with another man or woman, whether it’s at your house or theirs, or huddled up in the break room or cubicle. You look suspicious.

– Whispering or quickly walking away when you get a call. What are you saying that can’t be heard?

– Inappropriate touching. This needs no explanation whatsoever.

 

What would you add? Have you ever done these and were actually innocent? What about watching porn and masturbation? Would you consider those gray areas or cheating?

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Look At Me

binoculars Whether we care to admit or not, our dates, more often than not, display bad behavior early. Lying didn’t come out of the blue. Neither did his or her conniving ways. Now, what we choose to do with that bit of information is different. We either: a). encourage it by allowing it to happen without speaking up; b). correct it; or c). get ghost. For example, a girlfriend of mine a few years back told me that her date showed up at her house to pick her up and was late. What did she do? She opened the door and told him how disrespectful he was by showing up late, left him standing there, and went out with her girlfriends. So, here are some things that we either let slide, fix, or bust up.

 

– Tardiness

– Lying

– Always on the phone (talking and/or texting)

– Talking bad about your family and/or friends

– Verbally abusive or degrading

– Cheating

– Don’t listen

– Lack empathy

– Too busy

– Lack common sense or decency

 

I was always told that if you don’t like something that your boyfriend/girlfriend does while you’re dating, it’ll get ten times worse if you marry them. So think about your last date. What type of bad behavior did you or did you not put up with?

 

I’m On My Grown Man

grown  Does age really determine maturity? For instance, if a boy turns eighteen, is he automatically a man? What about twenty-one? What if you are fifty and you don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of… are you still grown?

Personally, I think the term is thrown around a little too carelessly. I don’t think age should determine your “grown man” status, I think it should be your maturity level and what you do with your life. Whether your priorities are straight or not. For example, if you put rims on your car and still live in your mother’s basement, you’re not grown. If you use grocery money to buy a pair of shoes or to get a mani-pedi, guess what?

So what exactly does being ‘grown’ mean? Paying your bills on time. Owning something (real estate/land, business). Taking care of your business (before pleasure). Taking care of your children (first). To me, if you turn eighteen or twenty-one, that doesn’t automatically make you grown. Yes, you are legal, but unless you are taking care of yourself financially and physically, you are not as grown as you think you are. Who cares how much money, cars, jewelry, or clothes you have. The question is, do you have enough to provide for yourself and child(ren)? Do you have enough for your mortgage or rent? How much do you have in your savings account? Do you report to work everyday on time (and actually work)?

Ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately we live in a society where standards are extremely low. Women, we rely on men to take care of us and when we come up short, accept any ol’ thing just to have a warm body laying next to us at night. We deserve better than that. Take care of yourselves and learn how to be independent. When a man worthy of your time comes around, then you may step aside and let him be a man.  Men, some of you have have lost your damn mind and want a woman to take care of you like your mama. You are supposed to protect and provide, like Steve Harvey says. Stand on your own two feet and stop allowing (or should I say ‘expecting’) women to provide for you. Man up and get your grown man on.

Light My Fire

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  What is romance? How important is it? Romance is the expression of love and one’s deepest desire to connect with another. I believe this to be a fifty-fifty split between actions and emotions. Sure we all know how romantic a bubble bath with rose petals floating in the water is, but the art of romance stems from a person’s inner being or feelings. You have to have the thought behind the action. For example, my Valentine’s blog (“How to Avoid Sleeping on the Couch Valentine’s Day Night”) offered some suggestions on gifts to give the special woman in your life. There’s a huge difference between coming in the house and saying, “Here” and throwing a box of chocolates in your direction, versus setting up a treasure hunt with love messages and a piece of chocolate at every stop. You get my drift.

Romance is extremely important and a vital way to keep a relationship alive. Without it is like a fish out of water; suffocating and a part of both of you dying slowly. It is spontaneous. It is special. It is a golden moment that you both can cherish and have that conversation years later saying, “Remember when we/you… “. Don’t forget, ladies and gentlemen, you did something to attract the attention of your mate and to keep them interested long enough to be in a committed, loving relationship, so why not keep that going? Why wait til Valentine’s Day to give your woman something special? Why wait til Father’s Day to let you man know that he’s a great father? We all know that relationships are hard work and require a lot of maintenance to keep it fresh, so why not brush up on your intimacy skills right now.

– Hold a conversation about your personal goals, hopes, aspirations, dreams, and future together as a couple.
– Draw a bath for your mate.
– Slow dance.
– Make out (Yeah, I said it. Kissing is very passionate and also just as important in a relationship. And I’m not talking about “grandma” pecks!).
– Touching.
– Feeding each other.
– Using candles.
– Dinner without the television.
– Cuddling.
– Hugs and holding each other.

Remember that what you put in to a relationship is the same as what you will get out of it, and that relationships are all about give and take. What are some of your ideas? How do you keep your relationship alive and kickin’?

I’m Ready

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  When you’re young, many people set up an overall timeline and specific expectations for yourselves; when you’ll get married, how many children you’ll have, where you’ll live, your occupation, and so on. As you age, reality hits and you realize that oftentimes those were either pipe dreams, needed to be added a lot further down on your timeline, or not what you really wanted. The one thing you cannot easily predict is when you’ll get married.

 

When I was growing up, for some reason or another twenty-six was the magic age of when I would get hitched. I’ll get married at 26 and finish having kids by 30. By the time I hit 22, I was teetering on whether to even get married. A friend of mine and I even made a pact that if we weren’t married or in the process by 30, we were going to become nuns. By 26, marriage was off the table and I just wanted a long-term boyfriend (and maybe we could live together after some years). It’s funny how time changes you and life transforms you, your thoughts, your priorities and standards.

 

Is there a best age to get married? Yes, but you cannot predict it. Only time can tell when you are mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally ready. Once you’ve reached that point, then that is the perfect age. When you’re twelve, you cannot say how put together you’ll be twenty years from then because shit happens. Also, if your age ends in -teen, then I definitely think you’re too young to be thinking about what ‘forever’ means. I do, however, believe that if you aren’t ready on all of those different levels then you shouldn’t even attempt. Marriage is an investment; time, effort, financial- the works. Nowadays, people (especially celebrities) only prepare for the wedding and not the marriage or the future. That’s purely immature thinking from a person who is clearly not ready. You’ll know when that time comes.

 

What’s your take on this? Did you have a specific timeline for marriage and family? And if so, did you meet your goals on time?

 

I’m Sorry, Everyone

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Apologies can either be very sincere or very shady. Of course it depends on how you say it; are you speaking from the heart, is it something you were forced to say, etc. As you can see, there are a number of variables that are involved in whether a person can fully believe and accept your words. Nobody has probably learned that valuable lesson more than Robin Thicke. Believe me when I say that this blog is not to judge his character, but merely a question.

 

Robin Thicke has been going on stage crying and recently released a whole album dedicated to his wife as a way to get her back. Everyone makes mistakes and we can only speculate on what really made Paula Patton give him the boot. But, my question is this- What has he done in private to make it up to her? Sometimes, we as the public, don’t need to hear all of your business. Sometimes, we as women, don’t require our men to humiliate themselves in the public for us. Yes, if you do something stupid enough to lose us, you need to do something (a lot of something) to get us back, but where does one cross the line?

 

I hate to talk about their business like this, but I feel like I’m doing people (especially the fellas) a little favor. Sometimes going over the top and bringing other people into your home, so to speak, is not a meaningful way to apologize. In Robin’s case, this looks more like a manipulation attempt to get other people to feel sorry for him. Eventually people will say (if they haven’t already), ‘Paula, give that man another chance. He’s going around the world singing and crying over you.’ The ball is now in her court and their mess is now in the street.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, there has to be a happy medium here. Don’t just mutter an empty I’m sorry and think that all’s well with the world. And on the other hand, don’t do the Thicke plan and dedicate an album to someone who left you and promote it looking all pitiful. Should you ever end up in a similar situation, realize that a sincere apology takes a lot of time and effort. Trust doesn’t build overnight and your actions afterwards will be scrutinized, with good reason. What will you do to prove that you won’t make the same mistake twice? What happens if you do get your partner to come back, then what? What will it take to gain their trust again? Assess your own actions. What would you do if your partner did what you did? What would it take to get you back? Why do you need it to work? What will change?  At the end of the day, you have to know the person you’re with in order to “win your campaign.” Would your partner need you to get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness at home, require you to shout it from roof of a nearby tall building, or a handmade poem and flowers? Pushing the envelope and going through extreme efforts can backfire, so really consider what’s best for you and your boo- privately.

 

Enough Already

annoyed  Last week I wrote about celebrity scandals and reality tv. Today, I’m going to take it a step further and talk about celebrities acting up on recordings. Here are the top five annoying and played out scandalous tapes (so far):

– “Elevator Gate”= First of all, I’m sick of two out of three of the main characters on this tape. But I digress. People then want to laugh at the fact that Jay Z didn’t hit Solange back. What should he have done? Hit her back? Then he would’ve been even more wrong than her. What really made this tape annoying was three things. A). Beyonce stood there like a mannequin and didn’t bother to do shit. I would’ve at least broken it up or told Solange to stop, something! B). From jump, I believed that it was a publicity stunt. And what do you know, Solange’s invisible album got an increase in sales. C). They’re one big happy family. FAKE.

– Justin Bieber’s Racist Tapes= I have never like the “Biebs” and these pretty much seal the deal. We can’t even deport his ass cause Canada doesn’t want him either.

– Donald Sterling’s Tape= This whole situation began with a scorned lover. Do I believe that he was wrong about what he said on that tape? Yes. Do I think he should have to let the Clippers go because of it? No. He spoke his mind during a private conversation. Do you know how many people would not have jobs if they were taped without their knowledge? Everybody would be broke as hell collecting unemployment. He keeps getting caught saying racist shit, do you really think he’s going to stop and change his tune now?

– Mimi’s Sex Tape= What you do with your boo is your business. It shouldn’t be shoved down my throat. And then this broad complained about having to explain the tape to her daughter. You did it! Should’ve thought about that before embracing the porn industry. More importantly, who the hell are these people and where did they come from? I’ve never even heard of either of them before this.

– Kim Kardashian and Ray J Sex Tape= Sure, this tape didn’t appear this year, but I only bring it up because Ray J won’t let it go and we have to hear about it every time he opens his mouth. He’s just mad because Kim is “famous” and he’s only “Brandy’s brother.” Now he’s going around doing dumb shit to stay relevant. How bout this… do something with your life- both of you.