Chris Rock said it best years ago. No man wants to be put in the ‘friends zone.’ Fellas, let me explain a little bit about this infamous friend zone. There are a few ways that you can fall into this category (they are listed in no particular order).
1. You aren’t sexually appealing. Pretty much self-explanatory. If you’re not attractive to her, there’s no other category for you, except for not being in the picture at all.
2. You were bullshitting. Instead of cutting you totally off, you were put on the sidelines for your lack of interest and/or effort (ex. dragging your feet or moving at a snail’s pace). You ought to be glad you’re still somewhat relevant.
3. You have nothing to offer. Women want an upgrade. So if you don’t have anything to bring to the table, then you serve absolutely no purpose.
4. You tried it, but the shit was wack…. .
5. She met someone else who was taken seriously and now they are in a serious relationship.
And last but not least…
6. You are truly a genuine friend. Congrats, you’re not being punished.
Now it could go the same way for the ladies, but fellas, hit me up and let me know. Ladies, did I miss anything?
We all know what cheating is. And it’s something that’s frowned upon, but it still doesn’t deter a lot of people. But what about the gray areas? Here are some scenarios where some get confused (for whatever reason).
– Talking regularly and frequently on phone to the opposite sex. If you talk more to this person than your spouse, there’s a problem.
– Swapping nude photos. You must want something to go down.
– A lot of alone time with another man or woman, whether it’s at your house or theirs, or huddled up in the break room or cubicle. You look suspicious.
– Whispering or quickly walking away when you get a call. What are you saying that can’t be heard?
– Inappropriate touching. This needs no explanation whatsoever.
What would you add? Have you ever done these and were actually innocent? What about watching porn and masturbation? Would you consider those gray areas or cheating?
What is romance? How important is it? Romance is the expression of love and one’s deepest desire to connect with another. I believe this to be a fifty-fifty split between actions and emotions. Sure we all know how romantic a bubble bath with rose petals floating in the water is, but the art of romance stems from a person’s inner being or feelings. You have to have the thought behind the action. For example, my Valentine’s blog (“How to Avoid Sleeping on the Couch Valentine’s Day Night”) offered some suggestions on gifts to give the special woman in your life. There’s a huge difference between coming in the house and saying, “Here” and throwing a box of chocolates in your direction, versus setting up a treasure hunt with love messages and a piece of chocolate at every stop. You get my drift.
Romance is extremely important and a vital way to keep a relationship alive. Without it is like a fish out of water; suffocating and a part of both of you dying slowly. It is spontaneous. It is special. It is a golden moment that you both can cherish and have that conversation years later saying, “Remember when we/you… “. Don’t forget, ladies and gentlemen, you did something to attract the attention of your mate and to keep them interested long enough to be in a committed, loving relationship, so why not keep that going? Why wait til Valentine’s Day to give your woman something special? Why wait til Father’s Day to let you man know that he’s a great father? We all know that relationships are hard work and require a lot of maintenance to keep it fresh, so why not brush up on your intimacy skills right now.
– Hold a conversation about your personal goals, hopes, aspirations, dreams, and future together as a couple.
– Draw a bath for your mate.
– Slow dance.
– Make out (Yeah, I said it. Kissing is very passionate and also just as important in a relationship. And I’m not talking about “grandma” pecks!).
– Feeding each other.
– Using candles.
– Dinner without the television.
– Hugs and holding each other.
Remember that what you put in to a relationship is the same as what you will get out of it, and that relationships are all about give and take. What are some of your ideas? How do you keep your relationship alive and kickin’?
Last week I wrote about celebrity scandals and reality tv. Today, I’m going to take it a step further and talk about celebrities acting up on recordings. Here are the top five annoying and played out scandalous tapes (so far):
– “Elevator Gate”= First of all, I’m sick of two out of three of the main characters on this tape. But I digress. People then want to laugh at the fact that Jay Z didn’t hit Solange back. What should he have done? Hit her back? Then he would’ve been even more wrong than her. What really made this tape annoying was three things. A). Beyonce stood there like a mannequin and didn’t bother to do shit. I would’ve at least broken it up or told Solange to stop, something! B). From jump, I believed that it was a publicity stunt. And what do you know, Solange’s invisible album got an increase in sales. C). They’re one big happy family. FAKE.
– Justin Bieber’s Racist Tapes= I have never like the “Biebs” and these pretty much seal the deal. We can’t even deport his ass cause Canada doesn’t want him either.
– Donald Sterling’s Tape= This whole situation began with a scorned lover. Do I believe that he was wrong about what he said on that tape? Yes. Do I think he should have to let the Clippers go because of it? No. He spoke his mind during a private conversation. Do you know how many people would not have jobs if they were taped without their knowledge? Everybody would be broke as hell collecting unemployment. He keeps getting caught saying racist shit, do you really think he’s going to stop and change his tune now?
– Mimi’s Sex Tape= What you do with your boo is your business. It shouldn’t be shoved down my throat. And then this broad complained about having to explain the tape to her daughter. You did it! Should’ve thought about that before embracing the porn industry. More importantly, who the hell are these people and where did they come from? I’ve never even heard of either of them before this.
– Kim Kardashian and Ray J Sex Tape= Sure, this tape didn’t appear this year, but I only bring it up because Ray J won’t let it go and we have to hear about it every time he opens his mouth. He’s just mad because Kim is “famous” and he’s only “Brandy’s brother.” Now he’s going around doing dumb shit to stay relevant. How bout this… do something with your life- both of you.
First comes love, second comes baby, then comes baby in a baby carriage.
Nowadays, everything is ass backwards. It’s baby first, then maybe love and if you’re lucky, marriage. Society’s priorities have taken a sharp turn. It’s now considered the norm to have kids before settling down, especially celebrities. What happened?
If this indeed is the case, is this what we are promoting for our children? Marriage is not necessary in order to have children? We as a society preach to our children to stay a virgin and wait to have children until marriage. But what about all these other people around us? Practice what we preach, right? 30 year-old+ men and women are too old to be having out of wedlock Oops babies. You’re too old to not know how to prevent and protect.
If this indeed is the case, should those of us who follow the “old school” way (marriage then children) change our tune too? Our expectations? Our values?
Now, it’s a totally different ball game if you happen to be a person who isn’t interested in getting hitched, but still wants kids. Hopefully, these are the people who can provide the financial, emotional, mental, and physical needs that that child needs. If not, please reconsider.
Is there a such thing as being friends with your ex? Before you come up with an answer, I mean truly Just Friends. Not friends with benefits. Not cordial. I’m talking platonic friends. My answer is…Hell No! Let me explain why.
For starters, if you still have feelings for them, then that consequently takes you out of the platonic category. You can’t make objective decisions in regards to your “friend” when you used to date them and probably still wishing you could. In fact, you are also automatically cock blocking when ya’ll hang out. I bet you think that there’s nothing wrong with talking and laughing it up with your ex, but to an outsider, ya’ll look quite comfy and cozy. And very much together.
Another case in point, whatever you’re doing with your ex is holding you back from finding the person who was truly meant for you. If they’re an ex, then it wasn’t meant to be. There’s no need to keep holding on to them.
You may argue that you don’t have feelings, ya’ll still date other people, and nothing is going on behind closed doors, but I bet that one or both of you are holding on for different reasons. You might like that she’s comfortable and on the other hand, he’s waiting for ya’ll to hop back into bed. He might love your company in general, and you make sure that she’s not seeing anyone special. Whatever the case may be, it’s most likely not the best decision you’ve ever made.
Trust me about this. I’m speaking from experience. I had an ex that for 1). held on, and 2). I let him. I didn’t realize that I was blocking my blessings. Once I completely let go, I moved on and found a healthy relationship with the one I was meant to be with. See how this works out and falls into place?
Yeah, you know how to finish this sentence- Once a cheat, always a cheat. But is there any validity to it?
Say for instance you are dating a guy that you don’t see a future with and you cheat. But then you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and you keep your legs closed. I guess the moral of this story is that people can change, especially due to the circumstances. Do I believe ‘people can change’ in every situation, hell no. I’m talking about the person who steps out of bounds once. If they admit their mistake and spend the rest of their days making it up to the person they’re with, it could possibly work out. The key is are they sorry for their actions or are they sorry they got caught. There’s a huge difference.
Am I defending cheaters? Absolutely not, but I’m merely playing devil’s advocate because I’ve been on both sides of the fence- the victim and the perpetrator. Have I cheated on every person I’ve been in a committed relationship with? Absolutely not. That’s what I mean by circumstances.
On the other hand, people are greedy and a lot of times, they don’t care about the person they’re with. These are the people who are serial cheaters. They do it because they don’t give a f*** and keep doing it no matter the consequences. The only time they are sorry is if they get caught. And do they get caught…always. May not be today, but it catches up eventually. These are the people that look out for their own needs and don’t see themselves stopping any time soon or for anybody.
Does cheating count when you have an open relationship? Does cheating count when you tell your partner that you will not be faithful to them?
My ultimate question to you is: If the shoe was on the other foot, would you believe the age old saying?