Hello Sir

  Should women ever pursue a man?

If a woman pursues…

This isn’t the early 1900s and chivalry is damn near dead. If a woman sees someone that piques their interest, why shouldn’t they ask them out? There are some outspoken, powerful, confident, sexy women who will boldly go after what they want. And why not? Some will perceive these women as manly or desperate, others will view them as forward or brazen.

If a woman doesn’t pursue…

Some believe that men should be the pursuers. It’s the man’s job to go after the woman he wants. But what if the woman attracts someone she doesn’t want or lets a man slip through her fingertips because she was waiting to be approached? Some believe that women who don’t go after what they want are timid or can’t speak up for themselves.

Depending on how you look at it, this is almost a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. A woman could be looked at in a negative light either way. Thing is, times have changed, so must our thinking. Whoever pursues who doesn’t matter any more (as long as it’s in a respectful way, of course). There’s nothing wrong with striking up a conversation with a person you find attractive and want to get to know, right?

An Open Letter to My Son

  Dear Unborn Son,

I’ve been so blessed to have you in my life. You have brought a love and joy to me that I have never felt before.

There are some things that I need to explain to you. You will experience unconditional love here at home, however, beyond these walls, you will have a totally different experience. As a man of color, you will experience many difficulties. You won’t be treated like the prince that you are, instead, you will feel the need to have to prove that you’re worthy. It’s unfortunate, but it’s reality. Your family loves you, but keep in mind, other people won’t because of your skin color.

Baby Boy, I feel sorry for you, but I applaud you. I know that you won’t let other people put you down. You’ll be ambitious, full of hopes, dreams, and accomplishments. You’ll hold your head high and become whatever you put your mind to. I know you will be a king to the right queen and eventually become a wonderful father, following in your father’s footsteps, of course.

Stay strong. I love you more than words can ever describe.

 

Love,

Your mother

Do Tell

  For starters, let me begin by defining a couple things.

Friend= People you can count on and share your deepest and darkest secrets with without judgment.

Associate= People who you are cool with, may hang out with, but don’t talk to on a regular basis.

Frenemy= People who pretend to be your friend and are quick to throw you under the bus.

In high school, I learned the hard way the differences between these three types of people and it wasn’t hard to see who fit into which category. To me, it was cut and dry. But, what happens when people cross these pretty well-defined lines? For instance, what if your mate’s friend hits on you? Would you tell?

Speaking from experience, I sang like a damn canary and would do it again. I don’t think there’s a type of person that I hate worse than a fake person. I think your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse has a right to know if their “friend” is making a pass at someone they’re with. They have a right to create distance and not trust their “friend.” They have a right to know what kind of person they have in their life. In my situation, I can’t remember how my boyfriend (at the time) handled it, but I figured that I would rather him hear it from me than the “friend” going back saying that I did something wrong. Did the “friend” get mad at me for spilling the tea? Probably, but did I give a damn? Not a chance.

What I learned from that situation is that I didn’t want to be around that person at all anymore, and being alone again with him was a negative. Most of the time, you learn who to trust in your friendships and relationships early. What we have to keep in mind is not to turn a blind eye to red signs. Whether you choose to tell your mate their so-called friend is foul, that’s your choice. But consider if it was on the other foot. Would you want to know?

Tha Mrs.

  Many women dream about their perfect wedding. I want my dress to look like this. I want the ceremony to look like this. Some started planning when they were little. But how many planned for after the wedding? Here are a few mistakes women make when planning for their future.

One… some women plan for the wedding, not the marriage. The wedding is one day, but marriage is for life. Once people realize this, the better off and less shell-shocked they’ll be.

Two… taking the Mrs. status literally. What I mean is feeling like you’ve accomplished something because you got married. There’s a difference between loving your husband and loving the fact that you’re married. Women like this lose themselves. They begin to live like that status makes them, which is very sad.

Three… some equate the size of the ring for love. Don’t be fooled ladies. You can get a twenty-carat rock on your ring finger and that will not make you any more married than a person who gets a half carat.

Four… you still think that it’s all about you. Once you’ve said “I Do,” you have entered into a partnership that lasts forever. For example, big money decisions should always be discussed with your spouse, as well as almost every other topic that you can think of. You’re in eternal “we” mode. Get used to it.

Five… drop your sense of self. Yes, you become one, but all of your free time doesn’t have to be with your new partner. Am I suggesting that you continue to hit up the clubs? Uh, no. Some things should be left in the singles lifestyle. But what I am saying is that it is okay to have you own hobbies and activities outside of your marriage. For instance, no need to drop your occasional dinner dates with your girls or trips to the mall. Don’t put your friendships on hold, but balance out your time away.

Good luck!

PSA

  Ladies and gentlemen: This is a public service announcement. Please listen closely.

 

First, if you are going slow in fast lane and someone behind you wants to pass, just get over. Not now, but right now. It doesn’t make you a weak man or woman. It’s simply the rules of the road.

Second, if you are doing fifty and below (or sixty-five and below in Michigan) in the slow lane, exit stage left. You don’t need to be on the highway. Get off now.

Third, if you cut a person off, you are inviting the person you disrespected a Ride-My-Ass free card. You gave them permission to do that, so get over yourself.

Fourth, if you are riding someone for no reason except for boundaries issues, then you have given that person the right to slow down to twenty-five and free reign to stop whenever they choose to.

Fifth, blinkers are our friends. It would be best for all parties on the road if these are used as often as possible.

Sixth, if there is a turn lane…it should be used. Turning left from the right lane is an accident waiting to happen– all day every day.

Seventh, it’s best for everyone on the road that you look before you change lanes. A thought turning into an immediate action is not always welcome.

Eighth, switching lanes at the same time the person behind you is, is downright annoying. It’s not a race. Stay in your lane and take turns, kay?

 

That is all.

Look At Me

Whether we care to admit or not, our dates, more often than not, display bad behavior early. Lying didn’t come out of the blue. Neither did his or her conniving ways. Now, what we choose to do with that bit of information is different. We either: a). encourage it by allowing it to happen without speaking up; b). correct it; or c). get ghost. For example, a girlfriend of mine a few years back told me that her date showed up at her house to pick her up and was late. What did she do? She opened the door and told him how disrespectful he was by showing up late, left him standing there, and went out with her girlfriends. So, here are some things that we either let slide, fix, or bust up.

 

– Tardiness

– Lying

– Always on the phone (talking and/or texting)

– Talking bad about your family and/or friends

– Verbally abusive or degrading

– Cheating

– Don’t listen

– Lack empathy

– Too busy

– Lack common sense or decency

 

I was always told that if you don’t like something that your boyfriend/girlfriend does while you’re dating, it’ll get ten times worse if you marry them. So think about your last date. What type of bad behavior did you or did you not put up with?

 

You Don’t Understand

  In the wake of Robin Williams’ death, there have been some comments made about suicide that some people just don’t understand. What many don’t get is that depression is a serious illness. It’s not something that you can just turn off and on when it’s convenient for you. It’s not something that you can just snap out of because somebody tells you to be happy. It is a mental illness.

 

Not all people with depression are suicidal. Suicide is not a requirement of depression, it’s a symptom. A person could be depressed but not think about killing themselves. They have feelings of things not being worth it (for example, not getting out of the bed, eating or planning for the future), hopelessness, negative thoughts about themselves, no energy, and so forth. A person who is truly depressed can feel all thirteen or so odd symptoms, or as little as three. If you do experience these things, don’t wait to get help assuming that it’ll work itself out or get better.

 

There are different types of depression, such as situational, atypical, seasonal affective, bipolar, major/clinical, psychotic, and a few others. Not all have the same symptoms. Not all sufferers attempt suicide or have suicidal thoughts. The one thing that I will say about suicide, in relation to those who suffer from depression, is that those who attempt or succeed are not selfish. These people have their reasons for doing it, but I guarantee one of those reasons is that they believe that they are much better off dead. My question is this… would you consider yourself selfish if you knew that I was suffering but you wanted me to live anyways?

 

What you don’t understand is that you don’t truly know what a person is going through when they make an attempt on their life. The constant negative thoughts they deal with in their heads and how they interpret the world is something we could never understand. It’s obvious that the cons outweigh the pros. But accusing those who commit suicide with a mental illness is a low blow. There is always a reason; just because we can’t see it, doesn’t mean that it’s not there.

Power of the People?

  Ever since elementary school, I had to explain to people (not of African descent) about my hair. As a child, other children always wanted to touch it and wondered why it could stick up or out on its own. As a teen, other teenagers wondered how I could keep curls in my head, get it styled differently every other week, or why I didn’t wash my hair every other day. As an adult, apparently, other adults want to know by my hair being braided, is it tight enough to smooth out wrinkles (even though I’m not old enough for wrinkles, but that’s beside the point).

 

Why is African American hair such a novelty to people? Those of you who are reading this who are not of African descent, please understand two things: a). the one person you are talking to does not speak for their whole culture; b). if you have questions, please carefully formulate them in your head before speaking, because sometimes the comments and/or questions sound very ignorant and immature. Case in point, I had a grown woman ask me the wrinkles question (the one I talked about above) and then her and her friend went on about how Black people’s skin was so beautiful and did eating better than Caucasian people combined with no stress keep our skin looking so good. I was embarrassed for them. Both women are older than me. Both women are educated. And both women are too old to be comfortable enough to voice such foolishness aloud.

 

My point is this. It is okay to not know something about another person’s culture. Nobody knows every single thing about another person’s culture. And it is okay to ask questions, but it goes back to my point a minute ago… a). the ONE person you are talking to does not and cannot speak for their whole culture; b). formulate those questions and comments in your head first.

 

Does anyone have a similar story?

Hello?

  It seems like a couple of forevers ago when we had only house phones. Before cell phones. Before pagers. Before two-ways. We actually had to be at home in order to talk to someone. Cell phones have now been around for well over a decade, therefore, there should be no excuse as to why we shouldn’t be able to work them properly. Are you guilty of being an obnoxious talker? Check out these six ways we break all kinds of phone etiquette rules when we’re on our cell phones.

 

– We holler in it. Everybody and their mama can hear every word we’re saying. Why are you shouting?

 

– We feel extra special when we’re on them. Guess what…everybody’s got them, even seven-year-olds. So there’s no need to act like you’re a big shot when you’re on it.

 

– We don’t silence our phones for shit. Library, wedding, church, graduation don’t mean a thing. Our loud obnoxious ringtones can ring any and everywhere, plus add in the fact that we don’t answer until the fourth ring.

 

– We talk in cramped quarters. A lot. We don’t care who hears our business. Did you ever stop to think that maybe other people don’t care about what you’ve got going on? We’re forced to listen and it is not appreciated.

 

– We talk and text on our dates because we’re rude. Nothing more says that I’m not interested in the person you’re sitting across than answering a call over candlelight.

 

– We talk to other people while we are on the phone with you. Participating in several different conversations is not multitasking, it’s rude. One conversation or the other.

 

What annoying behavior do you notice or engage in?