An Open Letter to My Daughter

  Dear Unborn Daughter,

You are the most precious gift that I could be blessed with and I am so honored to be your mother. As a true mother, like my mother is to me, I will be with you every step of the way.

There are some things that I would like to share with you. I hate to disappoint you so early in life, but you have to know the truth. People, me included, thought that the world was going to be such a better place to live in once the new millennium hit (after some realized that it indeed was NOT going to end). We would all live in peace and harmony, everyone would be equal, this and this would be different, etc. Welp, I’m sorry to inform you, baby girl, but it’s not. We lied to ourselves; continuously and consistently.

In some ways we have gone backwards and some forwards. For instance, you don’t have but a couple (literally) celebrity role models. If you turn on the TV, you see women screaming at each other and throwing drinks or fists. In music, the women compete over who has the least amount of clothes and no talent. For role models, you’ll only have to look inside your space- our house, your grandparent’s houses, and extended family’s. I must warn you, all humans make mistakes, including your role models, but best believe that we would do nothing to harm you or steer you wrong in any way.

One way in which we have moved forward is technology. You are blessed to have a tech geek as a father who is more than happy to get you any and every type of thing that either has buttons or a touch screen. But, don’t go overboard on it. Know that I would rather see you than Skype, talk to you than text, read to you with real books than with the swipe of a finger.

From this moment on, you will consider yourself a treasure and demand people to treat you that way based on the way that you carry yourself. Am I saying that you should be Boigie or stuck up? No, but you should instead exert enough confidence and love for yourself that will make people, including yourself, respect you.

I love you more than anything in this world, and I vow from now on to care for you to the best of my ability and beyond.

 

Love,

Your mother

You Don’t Understand

  In the wake of Robin Williams’ death, there have been some comments made about suicide that some people just don’t understand. What many don’t get is that depression is a serious illness. It’s not something that you can just turn off and on when it’s convenient for you. It’s not something that you can just snap out of because somebody tells you to be happy. It is a mental illness.

 

Not all people with depression are suicidal. Suicide is not a requirement of depression, it’s a symptom. A person could be depressed but not think about killing themselves. They have feelings of things not being worth it (for example, not getting out of the bed, eating or planning for the future), hopelessness, negative thoughts about themselves, no energy, and so forth. A person who is truly depressed can feel all thirteen or so odd symptoms, or as little as three. If you do experience these things, don’t wait to get help assuming that it’ll work itself out or get better.

 

There are different types of depression, such as situational, atypical, seasonal affective, bipolar, major/clinical, psychotic, and a few others. Not all have the same symptoms. Not all sufferers attempt suicide or have suicidal thoughts. The one thing that I will say about suicide, in relation to those who suffer from depression, is that those who attempt or succeed are not selfish. These people have their reasons for doing it, but I guarantee one of those reasons is that they believe that they are much better off dead. My question is this… would you consider yourself selfish if you knew that I was suffering but you wanted me to live anyways?

 

What you don’t understand is that you don’t truly know what a person is going through when they make an attempt on their life. The constant negative thoughts they deal with in their heads and how they interpret the world is something we could never understand. It’s obvious that the cons outweigh the pros. But accusing those who commit suicide with a mental illness is a low blow. There is always a reason; just because we can’t see it, doesn’t mean that it’s not there.

I’m Sorry, Everyone

  Apologies can either be very sincere or very shady. Of course it depends on how you say it; are you speaking from the heart, is it something you were forced to say, etc. As you can see, there are a number of variables that are involved in whether a person can fully believe and accept your words. Nobody has probably learned that valuable lesson more than Robin Thicke. Believe me when I say that this blog is not to judge his character, but merely a question.

 

Robin Thicke has been going on stage crying and recently released a whole album dedicated to his wife as a way to get her back. Everyone makes mistakes and we can only speculate on what really made Paula Patton give him the boot. But, my question is this- What has he done in private to make it up to her? Sometimes, we as the public, don’t need to hear all of your business. Sometimes, we as women, don’t require our men to humiliate themselves in the public for us. Yes, if you do something stupid enough to lose us, you need to do something (a lot of something) to get us back, but where does one cross the line?

 

I hate to talk about their business like this, but I feel like I’m doing people (especially the fellas) a little favor. Sometimes going over the top and bringing other people into your home, so to speak, is not a meaningful way to apologize. In Robin’s case, this looks more like a manipulation attempt to get other people to feel sorry for him. Eventually people will say (if they haven’t already), ‘Paula, give that man another chance. He’s going around the world singing and crying over you.’ The ball is now in her court and their mess is now in the street.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, there has to be a happy medium here. Don’t just mutter an empty I’m sorry and think that all’s well with the world. And on the other hand, don’t do the Thicke plan and dedicate an album to someone who left you and promote it looking all pitiful. Should you ever end up in a similar situation, realize that a sincere apology takes a lot of time and effort. Trust doesn’t build overnight and your actions afterwards will be scrutinized, with good reason. What will you do to prove that you won’t make the same mistake twice? What happens if you do get your partner to come back, then what? What will it take to gain their trust again? Assess your own actions. What would you do if your partner did what you did? What would it take to get you back? Why do you need it to work? What will change?  At the end of the day, you have to know the person you’re with in order to “win your campaign.” Would your partner need you to get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness at home, require you to shout it from roof of a nearby tall building, or a handmade poem and flowers? Pushing the envelope and going through extreme efforts can backfire, so really consider what’s best for you and your boo- privately.

 

Just Don’t Do It

  A couple of years ago I blogged about not leaving the house wearing certain things. Since I’m seeing more and more craziness as the weather gets warmer, this bears repeating.

 

– Pajamas: These are meant for the bed. I don’t understand why this is so hard to understand. How bout this– if you leave the house with the same pajamas on that you wore last night, all that tells me is that you didn’t bathe before you left house and you don’t care who knows.

 

– Slippers: Do I even need to explain?

 

– Shower caps/ doo rags/ bonnets: All of these serve the purpose of the privacy of your own home.

 

– Beaters: Beaters are fine to wear under things, but as your only shirt…. not attractive, even if you have muscles.

 

– Ity Bity Shorts: If I mistake your shorts for draws, you shouldn’t wear them out.

 

– Cowboy boots and shorts: Or cowboy boots in the summer period. Put them damn things up. For good.

 

What did I miss?

Enough Already

  Last week I wrote about celebrity scandals and reality tv. Today, I’m going to take it a step further and talk about celebrities acting up on recordings. Here are the top five annoying and played out scandalous tapes (so far):

– “Elevator Gate”= First of all, I’m sick of two out of three of the main characters on this tape. But I digress. People then want to laugh at the fact that Jay Z didn’t hit Solange back. What should he have done? Hit her back? Then he would’ve been even more wrong than her. What really made this tape annoying was three things. A). Beyonce stood there like a mannequin and didn’t bother to do shit. I would’ve at least broken it up or told Solange to stop, something! B). From jump, I believed that it was a publicity stunt. And what do you know, Solange’s invisible album got an increase in sales. C). They’re one big happy family. FAKE.

– Justin Bieber’s Racist Tapes= I have never like the “Biebs” and these pretty much seal the deal. We can’t even deport his ass cause Canada doesn’t want him either.

– Donald Sterling’s Tape= This whole situation began with a scorned lover. Do I believe that he was wrong about what he said on that tape? Yes. Do I think he should have to let the Clippers go because of it? No. He spoke his mind during a private conversation. Do you know how many people would not have jobs if they were taped without their knowledge? Everybody would be broke as hell collecting unemployment. He keeps getting caught saying racist shit, do you really think he’s going to stop and change his tune now?

– Mimi’s Sex Tape= What you do with your boo is your business. It shouldn’t be shoved down my throat. And then this broad complained about having to explain the tape to her daughter. You did it! Should’ve thought about that before embracing the porn industry. More importantly, who the hell are these people and where did they come from? I’ve never even heard of either of them before this.

– Kim Kardashian and Ray J Sex Tape= Sure, this tape didn’t appear this year, but I only bring it up because Ray J won’t let it go and we have to hear about it every time he opens his mouth. He’s just mad because Kim is “famous” and he’s only “Brandy’s brother.” Now he’s going around doing dumb shit to stay relevant. How bout this… do something with your life- both of you.

Settin’ Us Back

  More and more people are putting out reality shows. I guess the Real World started us off, but we are left with ish like Basketball Wives, Bad Girls Club, Hollywood Exes. Damn near anybody can have one now, ranging from hair stylists battling, to chefs, to tattoo artists. Television has become such garbage in the last few years, my options have pretty much shrunk to crime (Criminal Minds, SVU, Snapped), drama (Scandal),and comedy (Family Guy and The Big Bang Theory). No more, no less. But what is the point of all of this?

 

TV is now filled with people’s personal scandals. How many marriages have shattered after they let the cameras into their private life? How many irrelevant people have become famous because of their rambunctious behavior? What’s it going to take for people to stop coming up with new ways to showcase how stupid ignorant people can look in front of a camera? Some of these people even have the nerve to act an ass when they have children around, like that’s cute. What kind of example are you setting, especially when you’re on one of these shows like Real Housewives, where all they do is throw water in each other’s faces and argue. Damn shame more quality shows aren’t out there anymore.

One More Chance

  We all know that being a big name celebrity awards you with plenty of big time perks, such as endorsements, money thrown at you, groupies, and fancy extras (vacations, cars, houses, etc.). All comes with the territory, right? Something else that’s a big plus is their ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ cards. Yes, PLURAL. Celebrities get that preferential treatment in court when it comes to DUIs, hit and runs, battery- the works. But let me smack someone with a beer bottle ONCE. I would be charged with all kinds of battery, assault with a deadly weapon, public intoxication, and whatever else they could find. And to sweeten the pot, my ass would be under the jail! Depending on who I hit would determine how long I would go away for.

 

Here’s the thing. I have a problem when I see some of these celebs do things that are clearly not right and only get a slap on the wrist. If they are a repeat offender, they may even get sentenced to…WAIT FOR IT… a whole two hours in jail. How is this any type of punishment? How is this teaching them a lesson? And for the children that look up to some of these celeb jerks, what kind of message are they sending to them?

 

Let me take it a step further and address one celebrity in particular. Chris Brown. It is obvious that Chris Brown has issues with his anger.  I think that the judge may have done the right thing by sending him to jail. Only time will tell whether locking him up scared him straight or made him a better criminal. I’m hoping for the former. He is a talented individual and I hate to see yet another African American male be subjected to the penal system. Here’s my issue. Chris was given several chances to get his act together before he was taken into custody, but so have a lot of other celebrities. He’s not the only one that has a revolving door to the court house in his life, so what made him stand out? What about Lindsay Lohan? Yes, she’s been to jail, but not half as long as CB. What about Charlie Sheen? Khia (maybe she wouldn’t count as a real celebrity, but she has been arrested at least twenty times)? The Baldwin family? I might as well throw in the Lohan family since almost all of them have been arrested for something. And why is it that the drunk stars stay locked up only long enough to sober up for the night? I guess they won’t be taken seriously until they actually kill someone?

 

There are plenty of other celebrities that have had several brushes with the law that don’t see the inside of a prison. Should there be a limit to how many times you should visit the judge before punishment (besides a paying a fine)? Should there be other options besides  jail/prison? What are your thoughts?

What Happened?

  First comes love, second comes baby, then comes baby in a baby carriage.

 

Nowadays, everything is ass backwards. It’s baby first, then maybe love and if you’re lucky, marriage. Society’s priorities have taken a sharp turn. It’s now considered the norm to have kids before settling down, especially celebrities. What happened?
If this indeed is the case, is this what we are promoting for our children? Marriage is not necessary in order to have children? We as a society preach to our children to stay a virgin and wait to have children until marriage. But what about all these other people around us? Practice what we preach, right? 30 year-old+ men and women are too old to be having out of wedlock Oops babies. You’re too old to not know how to prevent and protect.

 

If this indeed is the case, should those of us who follow the “old school” way (marriage then children) change our tune too? Our expectations? Our values?

 

Now, it’s a totally different ball game if you happen to be a person who isn’t interested in getting hitched, but still wants kids. Hopefully, these are the people who can provide the financial, emotional, mental, and physical needs that that child needs. If not, please reconsider.

 

What’s your take on this?

The Greatest Love

  One of the most depressing things to hear, especially when you are single, is the divorce rate. You hate to hear when a couple breaks up, particularly when they were cute together or two good people. Celebrities, on the other hand, get married whenever they feel like it and divorce after one fight. Yes, that’s an exaggeration, but I bet not for some famous couples.

For this post, I would like to send a special little shot out to some famous couples that are doing the damn thang in private. I really hope that I don’t jinx them, but these people appear to be taking their vows as serious as they should. They keep their business to themselves and we don’t hear what they ate for dinner, who they felt up, what their child wears on the weekends, or what their favorite hang out spot is. Here are some great couples who are in it for the long haul and out of the tabloids.

+ Courtney Vance and Angela Bassett

+ Ice Cube and Kim Woodruff

+ LL Cool J and Simone Johnson

+ Boris Kodjoe and Nicole Ari Parker

+ Holly Robinson and Rodney Peete

+ Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson

+ Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick

+ Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas

+ Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck

+ Barack and Michelle Obama

+ Morris Chestnut and Pam Byse (He was so low-key with his, I didn’t even know that he was married. Apparently, they’ve been married since 1995.)

+ Tamela and David Mann

What married couple would you like to add to the list?

Just Shut Up

  A lot of times, people fear becoming the grouchy old person that people hate (and the hate is definitely mutual) because they constantly fuss about things that they don’t like. I’m not one of those people. Slowly but surely my tolerance level has become more and more like a grouchy old person’s, and quite frankly, I don’t give a damn. There are some words and phrases that if I didn’t hear them ever again, I would be on top of the world! Here are the top six most annoying words or phrases that I want to go away ASAP (and this time they are ranked in order).

#6. “Something of that nature”- This may be because an old boss that I didn’t care for used to say this all the time. When this is said in every other sentence, it would bother you too.

#5. “Copacetic”- This is something else I heard constantly repeated and now I hate. This word needs to disappear for LIFE.

#4. “Twerk”- First of all, Miley Cyrus did not invent this. I wish people would stop acting brand new. Obviously, they’ve never seen Strawberry work the pole on Saturday nights. This word is overrated and it’s annoying how now people want to show that they can do it too. Sit down and stop it. As far as I’m concerned, leave it to the professional strippers and stop posting bare-assed pictures of yourself doing this foolishness.

#3. “Keep it 100” or “Keep it real”- If you’re being real, you shouldn’t have to point it out.

#2. “Turn up”- This is one of the most annoying trends off all time. How ‘bout ‘turn off?’

#1. “Must be nice”- This drives me up a wall. Basically, instead of saying, “I’m jealous,” this is a way to pretty it up and it gets on my nerves. Try something a little more positive, you ass.

What would you add?