Open Season

  We all know what cheating is. And it’s something that’s frowned upon, but it still doesn’t deter a lot of people. But what about the gray areas? Here are some scenarios where some get confused (for whatever reason).

 

– Talking regularly and frequently on phone to the opposite sex. If you talk more to this person than your spouse, there’s a problem.

– Swapping nude photos. You must want something to go down.

– A lot of alone time with another man or woman, whether it’s at your house or theirs, or huddled up in the break room or cubicle. You look suspicious.

– Whispering or quickly walking away when you get a call. What are you saying that can’t be heard?

– Inappropriate touching. This needs no explanation whatsoever.

 

What would you add? Have you ever done these and were actually innocent? What about watching porn and masturbation? Would you consider those gray areas or cheating?

I’m On My Grown Man

  Does age really determine maturity? For instance, if a boy turns eighteen, is he automatically a man? What about twenty-one? What if you are fifty and you don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of… are you still grown?

Personally, I think the term is thrown around a little too carelessly. I don’t think age should determine your “grown man” status, I think it should be your maturity level and what you do with your life. Whether your priorities are straight or not. For example, if you put rims on your car and still live in your mother’s basement, you’re not grown. If you use grocery money to buy a pair of shoes or to get a mani-pedi, guess what?

So what exactly does being ‘grown’ mean? Paying your bills on time. Owning something (real estate/land, business). Taking care of your business (before pleasure). Taking care of your children (first). To me, if you turn eighteen or twenty-one, that doesn’t automatically make you grown. Yes, you are legal, but unless you are taking care of yourself financially and physically, you are not as grown as you think you are. Who cares how much money, cars, jewelry, or clothes you have. The question is, do you have enough to provide for yourself and child(ren)? Do you have enough for your mortgage or rent? How much do you have in your savings account? Do you report to work everyday on time (and actually work)?

Ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately we live in a society where standards are extremely low. Women, we rely on men to take care of us and when we come up short, accept any ol’ thing just to have a warm body laying next to us at night. We deserve better than that. Take care of yourselves and learn how to be independent. When a man worthy of your time comes around, then you may step aside and let him be a man.  Men, some of you have have lost your damn mind and want a woman to take care of you like your mama. You are supposed to protect and provide, like Steve Harvey says. Stand on your own two feet and stop allowing (or should I say ‘expecting’) women to provide for you. Man up and get your grown man on.

Light My Fire

  What is romance? How important is it? Romance is the expression of love and one’s deepest desire to connect with another. I believe this to be a fifty-fifty split between actions and emotions. Sure we all know how romantic a bubble bath with rose petals floating in the water is, but the art of romance stems from a person’s inner being or feelings. You have to have the thought behind the action. For example, my Valentine’s blog (“How to Avoid Sleeping on the Couch Valentine’s Day Night”) offered some suggestions on gifts to give the special woman in your life. There’s a huge difference between coming in the house and saying, “Here” and throwing a box of chocolates in your direction, versus setting up a treasure hunt with love messages and a piece of chocolate at every stop. You get my drift.

Romance is extremely important and a vital way to keep a relationship alive. Without it is like a fish out of water; suffocating and a part of both of you dying slowly. It is spontaneous. It is special. It is a golden moment that you both can cherish and have that conversation years later saying, “Remember when we/you… “. Don’t forget, ladies and gentlemen, you did something to attract the attention of your mate and to keep them interested long enough to be in a committed, loving relationship, so why not keep that going? Why wait til Valentine’s Day to give your woman something special? Why wait til Father’s Day to let you man know that he’s a great father? We all know that relationships are hard work and require a lot of maintenance to keep it fresh, so why not brush up on your intimacy skills right now.

– Hold a conversation about your personal goals, hopes, aspirations, dreams, and future together as a couple.
– Draw a bath for your mate.
– Slow dance.
– Make out (Yeah, I said it. Kissing is very passionate and also just as important in a relationship. And I’m not talking about “grandma” pecks!).
– Touching.
– Feeding each other.
– Using candles.
– Dinner without the television.
– Cuddling.
– Hugs and holding each other.

Remember that what you put in to a relationship is the same as what you will get out of it, and that relationships are all about give and take. What are some of your ideas? How do you keep your relationship alive and kickin’?

This House

  Moving can be a pain to some and an adventure to others. I would definitely say that it is a chance for a new beginning for various reasons;  a brand new place to make it into your own,  a place to start fresh, and even a place where relationships and families grow. But what really makes a house a home?

+ Love: This should be self explanatory.

+ Mutual respect: Respect for not only your partner, but your children or whoever else lives in the home.

+ Laughter: Laughter oftentimes (or should) means happiness. And of course a happy home is a pleasant and fun place to be.

+ Sharing (I might as well throw caring into the mix): In a home, you share all of the responsibilities. No one person should do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills, etc. A home is a joint effort.

+ Effort: Self explanatory.

+ Keys: Besides the key to the front door, you should have the key to your family’s heart, well being, and overall happiness. With keeping that close to your heart and mind, that helps build the foundation of your home.

 

What would you add? What makes your house a home?

The Art of Compromise

  According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word compromise means:

                  a way of reaching agreement in which each person or group

                  gives up something that was wanted in order to end an

                 argument or dispute.

So in other words, you’re arguing about what you could possibly do instead of what you won’t do. Two partners mutually agree to something in order to keep the peace. Sounds easy, right? Not a chance, but it’s a part of being a mature adult.

The art of compromise means that there’s some sort of give and take. Not every argument should be same person “knuckling under” every time. As a matter of fact, each party does in a way. For instance, “Last time I agreed to do the dishes and you do the cooking, so this time I will cook and you do the dishes.” Create the most fair approach possible. You don’t want to end up in a relationship where you are the only giver. Those are annoying. I am a firm believer in a relationship (friendships too) being equal. It’s just hard to trust a ‘taker.’

Compromising means that you learn how to pick your battles. If you find yourself arguing all the time, maybe you need to rethink your relationship. No couple is going to be rosy all the time and you’re going to have disagreements from time to time, but it should be more of a happy medium. Should you start an argument every time your partner comes home and ignores you because they are working on a project? No. Instead, state your feelings and discuss them with your mate. Try to take the “You always” language out and replace it with, “I feel ___ because ___” and “I want ____ .”

EXAMPLE: It makes me angry when you come in the house and ignore me. I want you to come in and speak to me for five or ten minutes, work for an hour or two, then I would like to spend some time with you.

Am I an expert in the art of compromising? Nope. Just making my way through the best way I know how. What’s your take?

I Will Lose

  January brings a fresh new start and automatically people begin to make resolutions. This is the time to declutter your mind, space, or body. But we need to go a little deeper than that. There are some lifestyle changes that need to be added to the resolution list that are usually overlooked. So, these are some lifestyle changes that should be made and not brought into 2014.

* “Brush the dirt off your shoulders”: I know this was cute when this first came out…a decade later, it is not.

* “Turn up:” No, turn off… permanently.

* Men’s skinny jeans: Whoever came up with this concept needs to be slapped and dropped kicked in the ass. Some aren’t 100% comfortable for females to wear, so what makes a man think that he could wear it better? Then you have those who sag these jeans too– a double negative! How the hell can you sag tight ass pants? Men’s skinny jeans need to all be put in a big pile and burned. For all of the men who wear these– SKINNY JEANS ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND AND THEY ARE NOT SEXY.

* Negativity and cruelty: It is not attractive to purposely hurt others. You may or may not receive payback from that person, but best believe that you will get yours from a higher power. On the other hand, negativity brings you down mentally, and in turn, physically. It’s simply not worth it.

* Not living up to your potential: Laziness is for the birds. What are you waiting for? The time to get things done and live out your dreams is now. President Barack Obama said it best: “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we are waiting for. We are the change we seek.”

Hmm…there may be a part two. Any lifestyle no-nos for the New Year?

Don’t forget to vote. Only a few days left!

klove1215

  I’d like to take this time to recognize and send a quick thank you to my readers and faithful followers. I appreciate your support. And as part of my appreciation, I would like to hold a Reader’s Choice Poll. You will get to choose the topic for my September blogs. I will center my blogs for the month around the topic of your choice. So please cast your vote before Saturday, September 1st! Thank you in advance:)

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Cheat Please

  Do you believe it to be true when people say that ‘A man cheats only if a woman allows him to.’? So a woman says, “Honey, go ahead and screw whomever you feel like. I won’t mind.” Or is it a little more subtle than that?

I can see a person pushing their mate into another’s arms by having a constant nasty attitude, becoming an obsessive private investigator, cutting off the goods for months or up to a year, or even cheating themselves. But who in their right mind allows their man to cheat? The only exception that I see would be in a swinger’s relationship. Do I understand the swinger’s lifestyle? Not at all (but it could be a potential future blog), but from my understanding, stepping out with another is acceptable.

So what about the couples who supposedly “allow” their men to cheat who aren’t swingers? Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you’re the best looking, the best cook, got the best sex/body, or the nicest house. I believe that there’s a reason deep rooted within the relationship to drive the person elsewhere. Of course, it could be any of those reasons I just listed, but I also believe that sometimes you have to scrape off the surface. Blaming the “victim” does not make the situation any better by saying, “He cheated because you never cleaned the house.” That’s bull and an excuse. Don’t settle for the nitpicking reason. If you want a certified reason, dig deep and find out the underlying problem. Maybe ol boy just can’t keep it in his pants, who knows. It’s not always the woman’s fault.

The Art of Seduction

  The art of seduction is not a new topic, but rather an interesting and building topic. Even the greatest seducer in the world can stand to learn a few more tricks- nobody knows them all. The whole purpose of stimulation is to please someone else (or yourself, if you’re a person who gets your rocks off pleasing others), to learn about the other person (their likes and dislikes, craves, and loves), and naturally, to feel good about yourself. Admit it, you get the big head too when you do something right for your mate.

So for this article, I want to look at how each of our senses are effected when we are seduced and what you can do to arouse those senses. Feel free to comment and share your own techniques and thoughts.

TOUCH- Just a simple touch such as a light brush on the back of the neck can send a shiver up the spine. Touch is a powerful sensation within itself, because that one simple touch, could be just as good or maybe even better than a back massage. I read years ago that a man who can’t keep his hands off you is a person who is definitely into you and I totally agree with that. Touching is absolutely necessary in foreplay or just plain ol’ affection.

Examples: Gliding the tip of your fingernail (make sure your nails are neatly filed, no one wants to get cut- that’s far from attractive), a feather, tickling, a pat or soft squeeze on the derriere, kiss, etc.

TASTE- (I will keep this very PG.) Taste could range anywhere from kissing to food sampling (feeding each other with or without foreplay). For example, if you tease your partner a lil with one of those chocolate covered strawberries from Godiva or Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, and then they bite into that plump, delicious strawberry… OR your partner lets you have a taste of their Cheesecake Factory cheesecake, which is a bite of heaven… . Let’s just say that taste could be every bit of foreplay and can definitely get you in the mood.

SMELL- The way a person smells could immediately turn a person on or off. Nothing beats a person who recently stepped out of the shower and then they upgrade their natural fragrance to a splash of your favorite cologne or perfume. A way that this could go horribly wrong is if your person doesn’t bathe on the regular or they bathe in the cologne or perfume. Keep in mind that a person who smells good feels good.

Examples (for women): Live by Jennifer Lopez; So in Love by Victoria’s Secrets; Amber Romance or Endless Love (body splash) by Victoria’s Secrets.

HEAR- Sometimes sounds are an aphrodisiac. For sleepers, the sound machine often relaxes you and helps you fall asleep quicker. In the bedroom, certain songs could play that could immediately get you there. Keep your stereo close by, or just blast it so it can be heard.

Examples: The whole Rated Next Next album, “Moments of Love”, R Kelly’s 12 Play and TP2 albums, etc.

SEE- Nude, nightie, role play outfit, boy shorts, a chiseled chest- whatever floats your boat. Keep your mate’s favorite outfit handy, so when it’s time to play, they’ll know. You don’t have to wait for a special occasion to pull it out. What are you saving it for? You’ll never know if there will be a tomorrow. So live it, wear it!

Friends First

  What’s the point of being in a relationship (or friendship) if you don’t even like the person you’re with? How does a relationship get to that point? You overlooked some things? Some things that didn’t bother you before nag you to no end now? You ‘put up’ with it before and now you want them to change? What it all boils down to is the very beginning of the relationship, even before there was a relationship. Let me explain.

Relationships work best when you start off as friends before you enter a committed relationship. By the time you commit to this person, you already know what kind of person they are- are they a true friend, do they listen to me, do they let me cry on their shoulder, would they stand up for me if need be, etc.- their likes and dislikes, what makes them tick, and so on. You are comfortable with that person and you are building something even bigger and better. The intimacy is much deeper between two friends than a couple who met in a club and a week later they are each other’s boo thangs.

Communication is a huge part of a relationship. Can you really talk to (I mean really talk to) a person you would not consider a true friend? The closer you are to a person, the more likely you are to share your inner most secrets, desires, and dreams.

Later on in life, you would want to spend your final years with someone you love. Looks would not be number one on your ‘must have’ list anymore; it would be intimacy and closeness. And that’s when the friendship skills really come in to play. Is your relationship complete with a genuine friendship?