Springtime

  Sometimes we get so bogged down with stress from our jobs, children, school, home life, that we forget the many blessings that we have. Our simple pleasures.

– A hug

– A smile

– A warm blanket fresh from the dryer

– A full tank of gas

– A good movie

– Snuggling

– Fresh flowers

– A hot shower

– A hearty laugh

– A completed task

– A clean house or laundry

– Seeing your besttie

– A slice of cheesecake or chocolate cake

– A massage

– The big O

Don’t let worry and nonsense take away your happiness and peace. Enjoy your night.

The True Meaning

Some think of family. Some think of decorations inside and outside the house. And most think of presents for their family, friends, and/or coworkers. Buying gifts is what often is associated with Christmas, which leads to stress (financial, emotional, physical) for many people. But what is the true meaning of Christmas?

To me, it’s the sharing. Sharing of time, food, and love. A time when people spend time together and memories are shared and created. But the problem is, many people wait for a holiday such as Christmas and Thanksgiving to show the people they care about what they mean to them or to get together. Holidays should be special, yes, but we shouldn’t wait for a certain occasion to say I love you, visit, or to spend extra time with people. Make sure that gifts (from the heart), visits, and sharing isn’t reserved for holidays, but spread throughout the year. Don’t lose the true meaning of Christmas.

  Happy Holidays.

An Open Letter to My Son

  Dear Unborn Son,

I’ve been so blessed to have you in my life. You have brought a love and joy to me that I have never felt before.

There are some things that I need to explain to you. You will experience unconditional love here at home, however, beyond these walls, you will have a totally different experience. As a man of color, you will experience many difficulties. You won’t be treated like the prince that you are, instead, you will feel the need to have to prove that you’re worthy. It’s unfortunate, but it’s reality. Your family loves you, but keep in mind, other people won’t because of your skin color.

Baby Boy, I feel sorry for you, but I applaud you. I know that you won’t let other people put you down. You’ll be ambitious, full of hopes, dreams, and accomplishments. You’ll hold your head high and become whatever you put your mind to. I know you will be a king to the right queen and eventually become a wonderful father, following in your father’s footsteps, of course.

Stay strong. I love you more than words can ever describe.

 

Love,

Your mother

An Open Letter to My Daughter

  Dear Unborn Daughter,

You are the most precious gift that I could be blessed with and I am so honored to be your mother. As a true mother, like my mother is to me, I will be with you every step of the way.

There are some things that I would like to share with you. I hate to disappoint you so early in life, but you have to know the truth. People, me included, thought that the world was going to be such a better place to live in once the new millennium hit (after some realized that it indeed was NOT going to end). We would all live in peace and harmony, everyone would be equal, this and this would be different, etc. Welp, I’m sorry to inform you, baby girl, but it’s not. We lied to ourselves; continuously and consistently.

In some ways we have gone backwards and some forwards. For instance, you don’t have but a couple (literally) celebrity role models. If you turn on the TV, you see women screaming at each other and throwing drinks or fists. In music, the women compete over who has the least amount of clothes and no talent. For role models, you’ll only have to look inside your space- our house, your grandparent’s houses, and extended family’s. I must warn you, all humans make mistakes, including your role models, but best believe that we would do nothing to harm you or steer you wrong in any way.

One way in which we have moved forward is technology. You are blessed to have a tech geek as a father who is more than happy to get you any and every type of thing that either has buttons or a touch screen. But, don’t go overboard on it. Know that I would rather see you than Skype, talk to you than text, read to you with real books than with the swipe of a finger.

From this moment on, you will consider yourself a treasure and demand people to treat you that way based on the way that you carry yourself. Am I saying that you should be Boigie or stuck up? No, but you should instead exert enough confidence and love for yourself that will make people, including yourself, respect you.

I love you more than anything in this world, and I vow from now on to care for you to the best of my ability and beyond.

 

Love,

Your mother

Tears of Joy

  There comes a time when all of the negativity from your life simply disappears and happiness creeps in with a vengeance.

+ Win first place (or even just place)

+ Graduation

+ Birth of a child

+ Wedding

+ See the light at the end of the tunnel after a struggle

+ Visit a friend or family member after you haven’t seen them in a long time

+ Completion

+ Newness (ex. new house, job, etc.)

+ Closure

+ Peace

+ Family and true friends

+ Realizing how blessed you are

If the World was Mine

  Could you have it all? Everything you ever wanted, all at the same time? Is it possible to have your dream job, a perfect marriage with mind blowing sex (and lots of love), the right amount of money to live comfortably (or the rich lifestyle, if that’s what you prefer), the perfect kids and house all at the same time?

The pessimist (or as I prefer to call it, realist) in me says no. For years, I was happy with my job, making a nice amount of money, and couldn’t find a decent man to date. It’s always everything BUT–something was always missing. Then there was another time, where I had a great relationship, no job and not much money, and situational depression. Was there ever a time in my life where I’ve had it all? Not a chance.

The optimist in my husband says yes, but with a twist. He believes that you can have all you want, all at the same time, but eventually what you want changes. For instance, say your goal is to buy a condo once you save up enough money and land that managerial position you’ve been patiently waiting on. Once you accomplish that goal, you formulate another goal or set of goals. You get everything you want until you want more or something different.

So what’s your take? Can you really have it all at the same time? Is it possible to be completely happy with who you are and what you have AND have all of what your heart desires all at one moment of time?

Look At Me

Whether we care to admit or not, our dates, more often than not, display bad behavior early. Lying didn’t come out of the blue. Neither did his or her conniving ways. Now, what we choose to do with that bit of information is different. We either: a). encourage it by allowing it to happen without speaking up; b). correct it; or c). get ghost. For example, a girlfriend of mine a few years back told me that her date showed up at her house to pick her up and was late. What did she do? She opened the door and told him how disrespectful he was by showing up late, left him standing there, and went out with her girlfriends. So, here are some things that we either let slide, fix, or bust up.

 

– Tardiness

– Lying

– Always on the phone (talking and/or texting)

– Talking bad about your family and/or friends

– Verbally abusive or degrading

– Cheating

– Don’t listen

– Lack empathy

– Too busy

– Lack common sense or decency

 

I was always told that if you don’t like something that your boyfriend/girlfriend does while you’re dating, it’ll get ten times worse if you marry them. So think about your last date. What type of bad behavior did you or did you not put up with?

 

I’m On My Grown Man

  Does age really determine maturity? For instance, if a boy turns eighteen, is he automatically a man? What about twenty-one? What if you are fifty and you don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of… are you still grown?

Personally, I think the term is thrown around a little too carelessly. I don’t think age should determine your “grown man” status, I think it should be your maturity level and what you do with your life. Whether your priorities are straight or not. For example, if you put rims on your car and still live in your mother’s basement, you’re not grown. If you use grocery money to buy a pair of shoes or to get a mani-pedi, guess what?

So what exactly does being ‘grown’ mean? Paying your bills on time. Owning something (real estate/land, business). Taking care of your business (before pleasure). Taking care of your children (first). To me, if you turn eighteen or twenty-one, that doesn’t automatically make you grown. Yes, you are legal, but unless you are taking care of yourself financially and physically, you are not as grown as you think you are. Who cares how much money, cars, jewelry, or clothes you have. The question is, do you have enough to provide for yourself and child(ren)? Do you have enough for your mortgage or rent? How much do you have in your savings account? Do you report to work everyday on time (and actually work)?

Ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately we live in a society where standards are extremely low. Women, we rely on men to take care of us and when we come up short, accept any ol’ thing just to have a warm body laying next to us at night. We deserve better than that. Take care of yourselves and learn how to be independent. When a man worthy of your time comes around, then you may step aside and let him be a man.  Men, some of you have have lost your damn mind and want a woman to take care of you like your mama. You are supposed to protect and provide, like Steve Harvey says. Stand on your own two feet and stop allowing (or should I say ‘expecting’) women to provide for you. Man up and get your grown man on.

You Don’t Understand

  In the wake of Robin Williams’ death, there have been some comments made about suicide that some people just don’t understand. What many don’t get is that depression is a serious illness. It’s not something that you can just turn off and on when it’s convenient for you. It’s not something that you can just snap out of because somebody tells you to be happy. It is a mental illness.

 

Not all people with depression are suicidal. Suicide is not a requirement of depression, it’s a symptom. A person could be depressed but not think about killing themselves. They have feelings of things not being worth it (for example, not getting out of the bed, eating or planning for the future), hopelessness, negative thoughts about themselves, no energy, and so forth. A person who is truly depressed can feel all thirteen or so odd symptoms, or as little as three. If you do experience these things, don’t wait to get help assuming that it’ll work itself out or get better.

 

There are different types of depression, such as situational, atypical, seasonal affective, bipolar, major/clinical, psychotic, and a few others. Not all have the same symptoms. Not all sufferers attempt suicide or have suicidal thoughts. The one thing that I will say about suicide, in relation to those who suffer from depression, is that those who attempt or succeed are not selfish. These people have their reasons for doing it, but I guarantee one of those reasons is that they believe that they are much better off dead. My question is this… would you consider yourself selfish if you knew that I was suffering but you wanted me to live anyways?

 

What you don’t understand is that you don’t truly know what a person is going through when they make an attempt on their life. The constant negative thoughts they deal with in their heads and how they interpret the world is something we could never understand. It’s obvious that the cons outweigh the pros. But accusing those who commit suicide with a mental illness is a low blow. There is always a reason; just because we can’t see it, doesn’t mean that it’s not there.

I’m Ready

  When you’re young, many people set up an overall timeline and specific expectations for yourselves; when you’ll get married, how many children you’ll have, where you’ll live, your occupation, and so on. As you age, reality hits and you realize that oftentimes those were either pipe dreams, needed to be added a lot further down on your timeline, or not what you really wanted. The one thing you cannot easily predict is when you’ll get married.

 

When I was growing up, for some reason or another twenty-six was the magic age of when I would get hitched. I’ll get married at 26 and finish having kids by 30. By the time I hit 22, I was teetering on whether to even get married. A friend of mine and I even made a pact that if we weren’t married or in the process by 30, we were going to become nuns. By 26, marriage was off the table and I just wanted a long-term boyfriend (and maybe we could live together after some years). It’s funny how time changes you and life transforms you, your thoughts, your priorities and standards.

 

Is there a best age to get married? Yes, but you cannot predict it. Only time can tell when you are mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally ready. Once you’ve reached that point, then that is the perfect age. When you’re twelve, you cannot say how put together you’ll be twenty years from then because shit happens. Also, if your age ends in -teen, then I definitely think you’re too young to be thinking about what ‘forever’ means. I do, however, believe that if you aren’t ready on all of those different levels then you shouldn’t even attempt. Marriage is an investment; time, effort, financial- the works. Nowadays, people (especially celebrities) only prepare for the wedding and not the marriage or the future. That’s purely immature thinking from a person who is clearly not ready. You’ll know when that time comes.

 

What’s your take on this? Did you have a specific timeline for marriage and family? And if so, did you meet your goals on time?