Archives

All in a Name

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  A few weeks ago, D.L. Hughley posed a question to his radio audience about children’s names in relation to them being able to get a job. Back when I was growing up, we had the La, Na, and Ta names. Nowadays, that seems so amateur. Children’s names have some kind of apostrophe or dash somewhere, not to mention extra letters to make the name seem cute. Original? Unique? Guess what… it’s not. Having children not being able to spell their own name until they are seven years old is not attractive, neither is having names that don’t phonetically make sense. What’s next, the use of ! and *??

Are parents setting their children up for failure? Absolutely. Do I believe that they do it on purpose? Not really. But think about it. What boss wants to get handed a resume with a name like Quiwanna or Seantavious on it? How about a teacher calling on a new student with the name Ajoyishallbe or Apple (and no, celebrities aren’t off the hook on this one)? You think they won’t get picked on in school? You think they are destined to be the next CEO in a Fortune 500 company? Please welcome, President Chip Dip Jones! Not happening.

Is it possible to be unique without being ridiculous? Yes, so please give your child a chance. All kids are special. They just don’t need to stick out for the wrong reason.

What interesting names have you encountered?

New Beginnings

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  As we have finally reached the new year, you already know what comes with the territory. New Year’s resolutions, including work out goals and a hope to be a better person. What usually follows is the breaking of those resolutions before the close of January. What I propose is something simple- creating a Don’t Bring list. Here are some things you should not bring into the new year if you want a clean slate and a fresh start.

1. Debt- I’m not talking 10Gs in student loans. I’m talking about paying off credit card bills, medical bills, or anything under a grand. Handle that. Whether you set up a payment plan or something. Don’t carry old bills or overdue bills into the new year.

2. Men’s Skinny Jeans- Granted, these shouldn’t have even been made in the first place, but they definitely should not be brought back this year for an encore.

3. Negativity from 2014- Why are you still carrying this baggage? Let it go. If you haven’t dealt with it before, why continue to hang on to it now?

4. Frenemies- Why continue to play nice or pretend to like someone you clearly do not? That just creates negativity, unnecessary drama, and clutter. Stop it and move on.

5. The phrase “turnt up” or any variation- This phase sickens me and needs to be put down for good. Please don’t let it seep into 2015!

6. Using children as pawns- Whether it’s to get back at or with someone, or to punish the child. Let us not forget that children are gifts and were not asked to be created. This past year, so many children made the news because their parent(s) left them unattended in the car, burned them, mutilated them, and so on for whatever so-called reason. These “parents” should’ve considered preventing pregnancy if they were going to ultimately hurt their child(ren). Let’s let 2015 be the year of loving our children or simply not having them if you think you’ll abuse them.

I wish you nothing but the best and truly believe that this is YOUR year. Take care of yourself and your family. Much love and many blessings for 2015!

An Open Letter to My Son

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Dear Unborn Son,

I’ve been so blessed to have you in my life. You have brought a love and joy to me that I have never felt before.

There are some things that I need to explain to you. You will experience unconditional love here at home, however, beyond these walls, you will have a totally different experience. As a man of color, you will experience many difficulties. You won’t be treated like the prince that you are, instead, you will feel the need to have to prove that you’re worthy. It’s unfortunate, but it’s reality. Your family loves you, but keep in mind, other people won’t because of your skin color.

Baby Boy, I feel sorry for you, but I applaud you. I know that you won’t let other people put you down. You’ll be ambitious, full of hopes, dreams, and accomplishments. You’ll hold your head high and become whatever you put your mind to. I know you will be a king to the right queen and eventually become a wonderful father, following in your father’s footsteps, of course.

Stay strong. I love you more than words can ever describe.

 

Love,

Your mother

An Open Letter to My Daughter

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  Dear Unborn Daughter,

You are the most precious gift that I could be blessed with and I am so honored to be your mother. As a true mother, like my mother is to me, I will be with you every step of the way.

There are some things that I would like to share with you. I hate to disappoint you so early in life, but you have to know the truth. People, me included, thought that the world was going to be such a better place to live in once the new millennium hit (after some realized that it indeed was NOT going to end). We would all live in peace and harmony, everyone would be equal, this and this would be different, etc. Welp, I’m sorry to inform you, baby girl, but it’s not. We lied to ourselves; continuously and consistently.

In some ways we have gone backwards and some forwards. For instance, you don’t have but a couple (literally) celebrity role models. If you turn on the TV, you see women screaming at each other and throwing drinks or fists. In music, the women compete over who has the least amount of clothes and no talent. For role models, you’ll only have to look inside your space- our house, your grandparent’s houses, and extended family’s. I must warn you, all humans make mistakes, including your role models, but best believe that we would do nothing to harm you or steer you wrong in any way.

One way in which we have moved forward is technology. You are blessed to have a tech geek as a father who is more than happy to get you any and every type of thing that either has buttons or a touch screen. But, don’t go overboard on it. Know that I would rather see you than Skype, talk to you than text, read to you with real books than with the swipe of a finger.

From this moment on, you will consider yourself a treasure and demand people to treat you that way based on the way that you carry yourself. Am I saying that you should be Boigie or stuck up? No, but you should instead exert enough confidence and love for yourself that will make people, including yourself, respect you.

I love you more than anything in this world, and I vow from now on to care for you to the best of my ability and beyond.

 

Love,

Your mother

Tears of Joy

sunset2  There comes a time when all of the negativity from your life simply disappears and happiness creeps in with a vengeance.

+ Win first place (or even just place)

+ Graduation

+ Birth of a child

+ Wedding

+ See the light at the end of the tunnel after a struggle

+ Visit a friend or family member after you haven’t seen them in a long time

+ Completion

+ Newness (ex. new house, job, etc.)

+ Closure

+ Peace

+ Family and true friends

+ Realizing how blessed you are

My Child

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  It seems like more and more “parents” are hurting their children. I put parents in quotation marks because no real parent would purposely leave their child in a hot car with the windows up. No parent would throw their baby up against the wall. No parent would allow their child to sit on the roof of a moving car.

 

It sickens me to hear on a daily basis (it seems) how people are inventing new ways to hurt the children they brought into this world. They chose to bring them into the world. Is parenting easy? Hell no. Sometimes do you feel like smacking your child into next week? Of course. But what does a child have to do for you to do any of the examples above.

 

If you don’t want your child, either don’t have them in the first place or put them up for adoption. There are plenty of people who actually want to be parents, but for some reason or another cannot. Defenseless children do not deserve to be abused. Children look to their parents for guidance, love, and protection. What message are you sending out if you mistreat them?

 

Now granted, there’s a thin line between spanking and abuse, but parents should know the difference. A little discipline pop (not ‘splat’ or ‘boom’) won’t kill them. But if you ever get upset enough to the point where you might do more harm than good, then you might want to walk away for a little bit. I just can’t take another news story about a child being killed at the hands of their own parents because they didn’t want them, they were drunk, or they were tired. Don’t bring these babies into the world only to kill them.

Not My Mama

block  Last week I talked about being in a relationship and not liking your partner’s child. Blended families can be difficult, but even tougher when you don’t like your boyfriend or girlfriend’s tot. But what happens if it’s the other way around?

You’ve seen movies like Are We There Yet? and Bebe’s Kids  where the child/children go buckwild because they believe that you are replacing their mom or dad. Of course it’s all giggles when looking from the outside in, but what about when you’re actually in that situation? I think not.

Well, two things parents should keep in mind. First things first… talk to your children. That goes without saying, but as a parent, you should address all concerns. Open communication helps ALL relationships, not just parent/child, but in this case, this is so important. Find out why your child doesn’t like your new squeeze. Do they have a valid point? Or do they clash because they have different styles of dress?

Secondly, as a parent, and equally important, do NOT introduce your child to every Tom, Dick, and Harry or Sally, Mae, Tina. Your children should only meet a person who is significant to you and when the relationship is long term. If there’s a stamped of partners through the house, your children may believe that that’s the way relationships work. No child wants to believe that their mother or father is loose.

What are your thoughts?