Springtime

  Sometimes we get so bogged down with stress from our jobs, children, school, home life, that we forget the many blessings that we have. Our simple pleasures.

– A hug

– A smile

– A warm blanket fresh from the dryer

– A full tank of gas

– A good movie

– Snuggling

– Fresh flowers

– A hot shower

– A hearty laugh

– A completed task

– A clean house or laundry

– Seeing your besttie

– A slice of cheesecake or chocolate cake

– A massage

– The big O

Don’t let worry and nonsense take away your happiness and peace. Enjoy your night.

Dumb Love

  I was one of those people who judged Karrueche Tran. I never even heard of her before last year or so, but I (like millions of others– whether we wanted to or not) watched her relationship with Chris Brown play out through the news and social media. Their off and on relationship resembled a broken record. It wasn’t until today that I reached an understanding and feel some sort of genuine sympathy for her.

I was in a similar situation over a decade ago, which I would call the ‘First Love Blues.’ No, I wasn’t abused (and he didn’t have a record of abusing women), and as far as I know, he didn’t have a child during our tenure, but our relationship was like a revolving door. We would be together for a while and everything was peachy, then we would break up, and shortly after that we would get back together. My broken record lasted for about five years and I truly apologize to my friends for having to go through this nightmare with me.

It’s something about that first love. That is your first ride-or-die relationship and one of the most unhealthy ones as well. This is the one where you make excuses for why your mate did what they did; “He just didn’t call me today (or back) because he was busy.” This is the one where they could damn near do or say anything to you and it was okay because you were blinded by love. You may even know that your relationship is toxic, but you’re still drawn to that person. You try to save them, but you can’t. You try to save the relationship, but you realize that you’re the only one that’s trying, and if something happens, they know that you’ll still be right there.

I watched bits and pieces of the trailer to Karrueche Tran’s “Fix My Life.” She admitted to wanting him back “if he changed” and stated that she would wait. To me, this is foolish, but if this is her first love it makes sense, and if she hasn’t reached her breaking point, it makes sense. Until you reach that point where you are totally done and no piece of jewelry, vacation, or question can lure you back in, you too would stay on the roller coaster of hell. The only way to describe the feeling after you release your burden is liberation. For her sake, I hope that she is able to reach that point soon before something terrible happens (ex. have his child, get married). And I hope she realizes that he has to want to change. Sending prayers her way.

All in a Name

  A few weeks ago, D.L. Hughley posed a question to his radio audience about children’s names in relation to them being able to get a job. Back when I was growing up, we had the La, Na, and Ta names. Nowadays, that seems so amateur. Children’s names have some kind of apostrophe or dash somewhere, not to mention extra letters to make the name seem cute. Original? Unique? Guess what… it’s not. Having children not being able to spell their own name until they are seven years old is not attractive, neither is having names that don’t phonetically make sense. What’s next, the use of ! and *??

Are parents setting their children up for failure? Absolutely. Do I believe that they do it on purpose? Not really. But think about it. What boss wants to get handed a resume with a name like Quiwanna or Seantavious on it? How about a teacher calling on a new student with the name Ajoyishallbe or Apple (and no, celebrities aren’t off the hook on this one)? You think they won’t get picked on in school? You think they are destined to be the next CEO in a Fortune 500 company? Please welcome, President Chip Dip Jones! Not happening.

Is it possible to be unique without being ridiculous? Yes, so please give your child a chance. All kids are special. They just don’t need to stick out for the wrong reason.

What interesting names have you encountered?

The Twilight Zone

  Chris Rock said it best years ago. No man wants to be put in the ‘friends zone.’ Fellas, let me explain a little bit about this infamous friend zone. There are a few ways that you can fall into this category (they are listed in no particular order).

1. You aren’t sexually appealing. Pretty much self-explanatory. If you’re not attractive to her, there’s no other category for you, except for not being in the picture at all.

2. You were bullshitting. Instead of cutting you totally off, you were put on the sidelines for your lack of interest and/or effort (ex. dragging your feet or moving at a snail’s pace). You ought to be glad you’re still somewhat relevant.

3. You have nothing to offer. Women want an upgrade. So if you don’t have anything to bring to the table, then you serve absolutely no purpose.

4. You tried it, but the shit was wack…. .

5. She met someone else who was taken seriously and now they are in a serious relationship.

And last but not least…

6. You are truly a genuine friend. Congrats, you’re not being punished.

Now it could go the same way for the ladies, but fellas, hit me up and let me know. Ladies, did I miss anything?

Open Season

  We all know what cheating is. And it’s something that’s frowned upon, but it still doesn’t deter a lot of people. But what about the gray areas? Here are some scenarios where some get confused (for whatever reason).

 

– Talking regularly and frequently on phone to the opposite sex. If you talk more to this person than your spouse, there’s a problem.

– Swapping nude photos. You must want something to go down.

– A lot of alone time with another man or woman, whether it’s at your house or theirs, or huddled up in the break room or cubicle. You look suspicious.

– Whispering or quickly walking away when you get a call. What are you saying that can’t be heard?

– Inappropriate touching. This needs no explanation whatsoever.

 

What would you add? Have you ever done these and were actually innocent? What about watching porn and masturbation? Would you consider those gray areas or cheating?

New Beginnings

  As we have finally reached the new year, you already know what comes with the territory. New Year’s resolutions, including work out goals and a hope to be a better person. What usually follows is the breaking of those resolutions before the close of January. What I propose is something simple- creating a Don’t Bring list. Here are some things you should not bring into the new year if you want a clean slate and a fresh start.

1. Debt- I’m not talking 10Gs in student loans. I’m talking about paying off credit card bills, medical bills, or anything under a grand. Handle that. Whether you set up a payment plan or something. Don’t carry old bills or overdue bills into the new year.

2. Men’s Skinny Jeans- Granted, these shouldn’t have even been made in the first place, but they definitely should not be brought back this year for an encore.

3. Negativity from 2014- Why are you still carrying this baggage? Let it go. If you haven’t dealt with it before, why continue to hang on to it now?

4. Frenemies- Why continue to play nice or pretend to like someone you clearly do not? That just creates negativity, unnecessary drama, and clutter. Stop it and move on.

5. The phrase “turnt up” or any variation- This phase sickens me and needs to be put down for good. Please don’t let it seep into 2015!

6. Using children as pawns- Whether it’s to get back at or with someone, or to punish the child. Let us not forget that children are gifts and were not asked to be created. This past year, so many children made the news because their parent(s) left them unattended in the car, burned them, mutilated them, and so on for whatever so-called reason. These “parents” should’ve considered preventing pregnancy if they were going to ultimately hurt their child(ren). Let’s let 2015 be the year of loving our children or simply not having them if you think you’ll abuse them.

I wish you nothing but the best and truly believe that this is YOUR year. Take care of yourself and your family. Much love and many blessings for 2015!

The True Meaning

Some think of family. Some think of decorations inside and outside the house. And most think of presents for their family, friends, and/or coworkers. Buying gifts is what often is associated with Christmas, which leads to stress (financial, emotional, physical) for many people. But what is the true meaning of Christmas?

To me, it’s the sharing. Sharing of time, food, and love. A time when people spend time together and memories are shared and created. But the problem is, many people wait for a holiday such as Christmas and Thanksgiving to show the people they care about what they mean to them or to get together. Holidays should be special, yes, but we shouldn’t wait for a certain occasion to say I love you, visit, or to spend extra time with people. Make sure that gifts (from the heart), visits, and sharing isn’t reserved for holidays, but spread throughout the year. Don’t lose the true meaning of Christmas.

  Happy Holidays.

Hello Sir

  Should women ever pursue a man?

If a woman pursues…

This isn’t the early 1900s and chivalry is damn near dead. If a woman sees someone that piques their interest, why shouldn’t they ask them out? There are some outspoken, powerful, confident, sexy women who will boldly go after what they want. And why not? Some will perceive these women as manly or desperate, others will view them as forward or brazen.

If a woman doesn’t pursue…

Some believe that men should be the pursuers. It’s the man’s job to go after the woman he wants. But what if the woman attracts someone she doesn’t want or lets a man slip through her fingertips because she was waiting to be approached? Some believe that women who don’t go after what they want are timid or can’t speak up for themselves.

Depending on how you look at it, this is almost a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. A woman could be looked at in a negative light either way. Thing is, times have changed, so must our thinking. Whoever pursues who doesn’t matter any more (as long as it’s in a respectful way, of course). There’s nothing wrong with striking up a conversation with a person you find attractive and want to get to know, right?

An Open Letter to My Son

  Dear Unborn Son,

I’ve been so blessed to have you in my life. You have brought a love and joy to me that I have never felt before.

There are some things that I need to explain to you. You will experience unconditional love here at home, however, beyond these walls, you will have a totally different experience. As a man of color, you will experience many difficulties. You won’t be treated like the prince that you are, instead, you will feel the need to have to prove that you’re worthy. It’s unfortunate, but it’s reality. Your family loves you, but keep in mind, other people won’t because of your skin color.

Baby Boy, I feel sorry for you, but I applaud you. I know that you won’t let other people put you down. You’ll be ambitious, full of hopes, dreams, and accomplishments. You’ll hold your head high and become whatever you put your mind to. I know you will be a king to the right queen and eventually become a wonderful father, following in your father’s footsteps, of course.

Stay strong. I love you more than words can ever describe.

 

Love,

Your mother

An Open Letter to My Daughter

  Dear Unborn Daughter,

You are the most precious gift that I could be blessed with and I am so honored to be your mother. As a true mother, like my mother is to me, I will be with you every step of the way.

There are some things that I would like to share with you. I hate to disappoint you so early in life, but you have to know the truth. People, me included, thought that the world was going to be such a better place to live in once the new millennium hit (after some realized that it indeed was NOT going to end). We would all live in peace and harmony, everyone would be equal, this and this would be different, etc. Welp, I’m sorry to inform you, baby girl, but it’s not. We lied to ourselves; continuously and consistently.

In some ways we have gone backwards and some forwards. For instance, you don’t have but a couple (literally) celebrity role models. If you turn on the TV, you see women screaming at each other and throwing drinks or fists. In music, the women compete over who has the least amount of clothes and no talent. For role models, you’ll only have to look inside your space- our house, your grandparent’s houses, and extended family’s. I must warn you, all humans make mistakes, including your role models, but best believe that we would do nothing to harm you or steer you wrong in any way.

One way in which we have moved forward is technology. You are blessed to have a tech geek as a father who is more than happy to get you any and every type of thing that either has buttons or a touch screen. But, don’t go overboard on it. Know that I would rather see you than Skype, talk to you than text, read to you with real books than with the swipe of a finger.

From this moment on, you will consider yourself a treasure and demand people to treat you that way based on the way that you carry yourself. Am I saying that you should be Boigie or stuck up? No, but you should instead exert enough confidence and love for yourself that will make people, including yourself, respect you.

I love you more than anything in this world, and I vow from now on to care for you to the best of my ability and beyond.

 

Love,

Your mother